Griffey Jr. To Sox; Good Move? **UPDATE**

After flirting with the idea of bringing a man with one of the sweetest swings in the history of baseball for a few years, Kenny Williams has finally landed Ken Griffey Jr., pending his approval. While the deal awaits a thumbs up or down from Jr., a few things can already be concluded from this unexpected move.

A: Enjoy your vacation, Paulie.
B: Aaron Poreda, Jack Egbert or Lance Broadway will be leaving the system.
C: Kenny is convinced Jose Contreras will be able to regain his form for the playoff push and thereafter.

Contreras threw off the mound for the second day in a row on Wednesday, and Sun-Times beat reporter Joe Cowley said he's heard Contreras has been able to throw all of his pitches well.

Are you stunned as I am with this move? It's been pretty obvious that Konerko is thinking way too much in his at-bats, and the weight of the whole situation for him is negating what progress he has been able to make at the plate. Paulie has been hitting the ball pretty hard as of late, but unfortunately right at the defense.

Contreras' health is going to be a major cog in the White Sox wheel if they are to hold off Minnesota and win their third division title in eight years. The starting rotation has not been as reliable recently as they were in the first couple months, and the same can be said for the bullpen.

Boone Logan has had some issues, and Linebrink doesn't appear to be heading back to the squad until mid-August. That leaves alot of responsibility on Matt Thornton, D.J. Carrasco, and Octavio Dotel to get the job done.

As for Griffey, there's no way he can be expected to play everyday centerfield. Not a chance. Could you imagine how horrible it would be to have Griffey blow out his knee two weeks in? This move will undoubtedly lead to even more playing time for BA. In Konerko's vacated position, it looks like it will be split between Nick Swisher and...Jim Thome. Yikes.

Jimmy has played first base 4 times since arriving in 06', and has yet to this year.

That will change.

This move is definitely an upgrade over Konerko. While Griffey is only batting .245, he has 15 HR's, 53 RBI's, and would be bringing along a 12 game hitting streak. Two things that worry me: his durability at 38 years of age, and who the Sox will be giving up.

UPDATE: The Sox will be trading 2B Danny Richar and LRP Nick Masset, and will not have to touch any of the pitching prospects I listed.

This is an even better trade for the Sox. Richar wasn't going to be coming up anytime soon with Alexei playing the he has, and Masset hasn't been doing much of anything lately.

Jamar Smith: Too Much Drinky

From Stalkingerinandrews

Jamar Smith turned himself in at the Champaign County Jail early Tuesday afternoon on a warrant for his arrest stemming from a petition to revoke his probation.

Such a waste.

Jamar Smith showed a lot of promise at Illinois, leading the Big Ten in 3-point shooting as a freshman. Now, he’s just a douchebag. What kind of a man (and I use the term loosely) leaves his “friend” to die in a car after a crash? Another female student had to call an ambulance to come rescue Brian Carlwell, but this was after Smith drove the car back to his apartment complex.

Whaaaat? You crash, your “friend” is badly injured, but you drive home and leave him in the car? What a piece of crap!

But, I’m venting on an old story. Jamar Smith violated his probation by drinking alcohol over the weekend. Doesn’t almost killing someone, let alone a teammate and supposed friend, open your eyes?

Doesn’t the threat of losing a promising basketball career make you look at the straight and narrow?

Smith is a crucial part of Illinois' prospects for the next two seasons. The coaching staff and teammates consider him to be the team's best player, and his shooting prowess was sorely missed as Illinois struggled to a 16-19 record last season. If Smith is not allowed to return to the team, the Illini figure to be in for a struggle once again.

So you not only tank your career, but an entire team’s season, just to have a few drinks on the weekend. Brilliant. Technically, he’s not off the team yet, but I fully expect it to happen by the weekend.

Actually, I think I want him off the team. If he’s not going to show any respect or remorse towards the U of I and his teammates, maybe he shouldn’t be there. Even Champaign area fans don’t want him on the team anymore. Good luck, Jamar, and have a nice time in jail, where they will be scoring you by the 3’s.

Not So Much

Fucking Awful.

Fuck the Twins.

PS: I hate them.

Deng, Bulls agree on 6-year deal

Bulls forward Luol Deng can breathe a sigh of relief. It's likely that Deng just became the richest Dinka to ever live, as the Chicago Tribune's K.C. Johnson is reporting that Deng agreed to a 6-year contract worth up to $80M late Tuesday night.

General manager John Paxson will confirm Wednesday that the Bulls have reached agreement on a six-year deal with restricted free agent Luol Deng.

The deal, first reported by the Tribune and ESPN.com's Marc Stein, is worth a guaranteed $71 million, according to sources. Incentives could push the contract's value to $80 million, sources said.

Deng, 23, rejected a five-year, $57.5 million extension in October and then joined in the season-long funk and malaise that shrouded the Bulls' underwhelming 2007-08 season.

So with right around $8M left without going into the forbidden land of the luxury tax, the Bulls now have the task of figuring out what to do with guard Ben Gordon.


A lot of talk is going on - including Ben's threats that he might jump on the overseas bandwagon and play in Europe - but it appears that the Bulls will most likely try some sort of sign-and-trade with the streaky shooting guard.

Gordon appears to believe he deserves money equal to what Deng received, but not only would that put the Bulls over the cap, they'd be locking up a lot of money that could be used in the 2010 free agent sweepstakes. $80M to Ben Gordon would be a big mistake, there are plenty of undersized guards out there at a much lower price.

The question is, where could Gordon go in a sign-and-trade? Right now your guess is as good as anyone, but I'd be willing to be bet that if they do make a deal, a center will be coming back to the Bulls way.

If they don't trade Gordon, the Bulls can tender a one-year $6.4M deal that would allow Gordon to become an unrestricted free agent after the 2008-09 season. This is not something that's advantageous for either Gordon or the Bulls, but it may be the last resort if they fail to trade him.

All things Gordon aside, with Deng locked in for the long haul, the starting lineup is a promising combination of youthful explosiveness and veteran talent, and hopefully will only get better with pieces added before the start of the season.

G Derrick Rose
G Kirk Hinrich
F Luol Deng
F Tyrus Thomas
C Joakim Noah

Can't We Just Get Along?

The scene: Huntley, IL. A seemingly innocent birthday party on a Saturday afternoon. Two year olds are playing, their parents and friends - avid Cubs fans with a few White Sox fans mixed in - are boozing like there's no tomorrow.

You know what pisses me off? Sesame Street. Fuck that stupid Big Bird. If you're a bird, why don't you go fucking fly somewhere? Take snuffle-whatever-the-fuck with you. I'm sooo pissed off right now. Oh look, the Cubs' game is on.

Damnit though, I'm still pissed. Either I'm kicking Big Bird ass, or I'm settling for a Sox fan. Hey, look at this guy..Hey you..you a Sox fan?! Hey Maciej and Blogusaw, this guy likes Sesame Street and the Sox!! Come here you prick!

HUNTLEY, Ill. - McHenry County authorities say three Chicago Cubs fans face felony battery charges after allegedly beating a Chicago White Sox fan so badly he lost his right eye.

The men are accused of beating 32-year-old Robert Steele of Gurnee during a 2-year-old girl's Sesame Street-themed birthday party.

Police said Monday the men were drinking alcohol at the July 19th party and taunting Steele.

They say Steele was kicked in the head and his nose was broken. He stayed several days at an Elgin hospital.

Thirty-one-year-old Jaroslaw Czapla, 37-year-old Boguslaw Czapla and 33-year-old Maciej Trojnar face mob action and aggravated battery charges.

Jaroslaw Czapla's number is unlisted. There were no listings for Boguslaw Czapla or Trojnar.

When I think Key Division Match-Ups, I Think Munson Vs. Big Ern

That's right, both the Cubs and White Sox have a huge four game series on the road with the teams that are nipping on their heels.

I would take the time to expand more on each series, but I have too much actual work to do (and by work, I mean read other people blogs). So, I'll go the lazy route and let Phil Rogers take care of the Cubs-Brewers series. For the White Sox-Twins, I give you Scott Merkin.

Hester Set To Return?

That's what the Chicago Sun-Times and WSCR 670 the Score are reporting this morning. After holding out for two days, Hester showed up to Olivet Nazarene University this morning. He still has a physical pending, but show be fine to return to practice this afternoon at 3pm.

This is a win-win for both Hester and the Bears.

For Hester, a chance to get in quickly to learn the offense down pat. If I had a dollar for every time Mushin Muhammad had to literally grab him and set him in position like a parent does with their child convincing them they can get out of the time out chair soon, I would be drinking a couple free cases of Miller Lite. Hester has to get lots of reps doing catching drills so that Grossman or Orton can hit him on the fly routes with the confidence he can turn the play into 6 if it's open. I do not like the idea of sending him over the middle; that can be for those old asses Booker and Brandon Lloyd. Hester should only be running fly, slant and out patterns.

On top of that, it shows respect to Bears management and more importantly coaches and teammates that's he committed to getting better and ready for the upcoming season.

For the Bears, it's one less distraction off the field they have to have put in their face everyday after grueling two-a-days. No one wants to be there, and after running gassers no one wants to hear the same stupid fucking questions that the players have no conrol over.

Do you want Devin Here?
-Yes

Is Devin important to the team?
-Yes

Does Devin like eggs?
-Yes

It's all the same line of questioning in order to get your stupid fucking 12 second actuality (also known as quote, or sot for you tv types).

It appears that Hester is willing to wait as long as it takes to get a deal done, but if I'm Jerry Angelo, I do not pull a similar situation that John Paxson recently faced with Luol and BG.

They blew because of the looming contract deals they didn't get. The last thing the Bears need is for Hester to start muffling catches and punt returns.

Get this deal done as soon as possible. Let the Windy City Flyer focus on what he does best: being rediculous.

Wrestling with Long Wang..Not Just An Afternoon Endeavor

When the University of North Carolina goes out to recruit for athletes, apparently even hilariously suggestive names don't get in the way of a full scholarship.

Meet Long Wang, freshman wrestler for the Tar Heels and owner of the funniest athlete name since Mike Hunt.

I can only hope that his name in Chinese means something like "Walks Through Walls" but in English it means his life is full of shame and ridicule.

The only way his name could be funnier would be if his middle name was "Phuckin", in which case I would assume his parents are in fact, the funniest people ever to have lived.

If I were wrestling against this guy, I'd tell everyone in the stands to wait until he is introduced over the loudspeaker and do something like this...

Announcer: "Now wrestling at the 160lb. weight class, from Cary, NC: LONG WANG"

Opposing fans: "PROVE IT!"

I'm here all week folks.

Darwinism At It's Finest

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian man's dare went horribly wrong when he tried to play chicken with cars on a freeway wearing only his underwear. The 18 year old was critically injured after being hit by a four-wheel drive on a freeway in the southern city of Melbourne in the early hours of Wednesday, police said in a statement.

"Police are dismayed at the utter stupidity of a man who decided to play chicken on the Tullamarine Freeway," the statement said.

"It was lucky nobody was killed as a result and police couldn't believe anybody would be foolish enough to take such grave risks with their personal safety and that of other road users." The driver and passenger in the car were unhurt, though the vehicle was a write-off.

No words needed. Just Death.

Wow...Just Wow

Remember when you were a kid, and you were sitting with your friends at the lunch table showing off your baseball cards as if they were thoroughbred horses?

Fucking-A right you were proud of your 1990 Donruss collection. Delino DeShields, Bip Roberts, you fuckin' had'em all. You were a little Billy Beane; always trying to convince the kid next to you who smelled like diaper shit that trading away his Griffey rookie card for the entire Cubs battery was a great idea.

Remember? Of course you do! I'm sure it seems just like yesterday you were finishing your closing arguments that Damon Barryhill was an up-and-comer like fucking Matlock. Shit, you were even willing to throw in this good condition Mark Grace card!

Yeah, those were the times. Though we've grown older and had our baseball cards lost, trashed by parents, or whatever the circumstances; we have fantasy sports to make those preposterous trades now. Trade me Carlos Zambrano for Johnny Cueto. Come on man, Cueto struck out 10 in his first game!

You see, there's fun in doing that. It's so fucking stupid that it's funny! It will never work, but you tried anyways!

And that must be the reason why Chicago Tribune columnist like Mike Downey came out with an article today saying the Bears should trade Brian Urlacher for Brett Favre:.

I had an idea. The deal of the century. The deal of any century. The most talked-about trade in the history of trades.

Brian Urlacher for Brett Favre.

It would shock every NFL jock. It would be the biggest thing in football since George Halas was a Leatherhead.

What a whopper—54 for 4.

I love Urlacher, but he seemed unhappy with his contract, or at least he did until Monday's news that he had signed an extension.

I love Favre, but he is unhappy with his status.

Green Bay would get a linebacker who is only 30. His neck and back are not in mint condition, so who knows how many good years he has left?

Chicago would get a quarterback who is 38. He is a little gray and grizzly, yes, but even in his worst year he beats what the Bears have now.

It was win-win, baby.

I asked Burke Griffin what he thought.

You see that? What a fuckin' funny guy! He's comparing these two, and asking for approval...

But there's a problem here, Mike. See, you've got it the other way around. Your buddy Burke Griffin up in Green Bay should be selling you on this proposal. He should be telling why his Damon Barryhill is worth your Ken Griffey Jr.

And that's the point I'm making. Are you really that hard up for a column? I do this shit jokingly and I guess you were, too. But me, as the reader of the paper, don't need you to do this for me. I do it on my own on a daily basis.

Your job in case you forgot, is to fucking report. To bring your opinion as a columnist from your years of insight you have. Tell me shit I don't know. Bring me, the sports fan, NEWS.

This isn't news, nor opinion.

This is you fucking jacking off on your BlackBerry with laughter because this is rivalry-rebelrouser of an idea you have is actually going into print.

No, I guess 4 for 54 can't happen.

Isn't there something else the Bears could offer them for 4?

For starters, how about your genius fucking trade proposals? Next up, A.J. Hawk for Steve McNair! Oh wait, he's not playing anymore? Fuck it, it will make for great feedback!

The Cubs Are Worth How Much?

Courtesy of Stalking EA:

To this point, they have marketed the ballpark experience -- the sunshine, the ivy, the liquid refreshments. And it has been a huge seller. It's why analysts say a sale of the Cubs and Wrigley could bring $1 billion.

One Billion Dollars!

Even if the Cubs do win the World Series this year, I find it hard to believe they are worth that much more than the 2001 sale of the Boston Red Sox. They sold for $660 million, more than twice the Cleveland Indians sale of $320 million the year before.

Let's compare Boston and the Cubs for a moment. With the Red Sox, you get Fenway Park, one of the most storied baseball parks in the country, not unlike Wrigley with the Cubs. The problem with Wrigley is the major renovations the park will need. As they say, she ain't what she used to be. Will a new ownership group take the attendance and revenue hit that comes with possibly playing a season in another park, like Milwaukee or the Cell, while Wrigley is rebuilt?

What about Boston's other big asset, NESN? That's the North Eastern Sports Network for those who don't know. The Red Sox own that network, are broadcast exclusively on that network, and it was a part of the package deal. The Cubs own a 25% share in Comcast, but hell, they don't even broadcast all of their games there.

The Cubs' payroll is just over $118 mil, which is less than Boston's $133 mil, but the Cubs' will balloon to about $150 mil next year with back loaded contracts. I still don't see where someone will pay more to spend more.

Is the aura and mystique of a team that hasn't won in 100 years enough to push the selling price of the franchise into the 10 digit range? I think not. I could see the Cubs going in the $700 - $750 million range, due to inflation and attendance records, but 50% more than the Boston Red Sox of 7 years ago? The Cubs just don't have the assets that Boston has.

Here's the interesting part: The Cubs say their cash flow was $31 million last year. Somebody is going to spend $1 billion in order to have a relatively skimpy $31 million to throw around?

If Mark Cuban or one of the other interested groups wants to pony up $1 billion, more power to them. I just don't see how a deal for that much money will pay up in the end.

Bears, Urlacher come to terms on new deal

The Bears put their money where their mouth is today and essentially just gave middle linebacker Brian Urlacher 6 million reasons to show up at training camp tomorrow.

ESPN's Michael Smith is now reporting that the McCaskeys continue to amaze Bears fans by opening up their wallets even more this offseason:.

Urlacher, 30, had four years and approximately $25.5 million remaining on his contract. Under the terms of the upgraded deal, Urlacher will receive a $6 million signing bonus along with a $1 million bump in salary each of the next four years. The sides also have agreed to extend the pact into 2012, at a salary of $7.5 million. Urlacher can earn an additional $500,000 in a workout bonus in 2012.

That's a total of roughly $43.5 million over the next five years, with $18 million in new money for the six-time Pro Bowler and four-time All Pro.

Here's to hoping that back and neck of his stay healthy for the remainder of this new contract. For those wondering, his original contract signed back in 2003 was scheduled to pay him $3.95 million (2008), $4.95 million (2009), $6.15 million (2010) and $7.35 million (2011). That was for 56.655 million with 18 mil. guaranteed, the richest contract in Bears history.

Now that Urlacher can finally stop bitching, that leaves No. 1 pick Chris Williams and Devin Hester with contracts yet to be resolved. From what I've heard and read, Williams and the Bears are close to having a deal done.

Hester? No one's really sure to this point. Before the contract was signed, the Bears were $13 million under the cap space. This pay increase should raise that total, and it will be interesting to see how the Bears go about paying Hester. Go front-loaded and forget about Favre? We'll have to how this plays out as the players head to "Bear"bonnais tomorrow.

The Dark Bobby Knight

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Paging Dr. Green: Wood and Contreras Head To DL

Kerry Wood and Jose Contreras will be enjoying the pine for a while as both were sent to the disabled list retroactively. For Wood, a blister on his right index finger means his 12th trip in his career, and one that could be putting my prediction about him going on the DL once for the season in peril. I figured he would be bound to go on there at some point, and this isn't too bad of news for Cubs fans. He's had blisters on the same hand before and returned fine. Were it inflammation or something of that nature, then there would be cause for concern.

Such is the case for Jose Contreras, who is being shut down for Elbow tendenitis after sporting an 8.60 ERA over this last seven starts.

"I wasn't too pleased the way he handled the situation," Guillen said. "He didn't let (trainer) Herm Schneider know, myself or (pitching coach Don) Cooper know, and he continued to pitch that way. When you're hurt, you're not helping the ballclub. I don't want any of my players to go out with pain and try to be a hero.

"I was — I don't want to say upset — a little disappointed when one of my players is hiding stuff for no reason."

Ozzie should be pissed off. If you're fucking hurt, say something. If it's effecting your pitching, take a break. Look at Freddy Garcia when he started having issues. His velocity was way down, and he was getting jacked. Same can be said for Contreras.

The White Sox called up D.J. Carrasco over the weekend, and he pitched 3 scoreless innings yeseterday against Kansas City in the loss. I would tell you more about him, but I was asleep the entire afternoon trying to sleep off the terrible hangover I had from Saturday night. And after that game, I glad I didn't watch because I would have felt shittier.

Deng puts in his 2-weeks

If you were planning on buying a brand new Luol Deng #9 Bulls jersey before this season starts, you might want to hold off for a bit.

Yahoo! NBA writer Adrian Wojnarowski reports today that Bulls forward Luol Deng says he will end contract talks with the Bulls in two weeks if nothing is agreed to before Deng leaves to play in the Olympics.

Deng is determined to come to terms on a long-term contract, but he has set an Aug. 4 deadline to reach an agreement. Once Deng, 23, leaves the country for the European Championship qualifying tournament, he will [sic] sign a one-year qualifying offer for $4.5 million and become an unrestricted free agent in 2009.

The message to the Bulls promises to be implicit: Unless the two sides come to terms soon, Deng will never again negotiate with them. He will not let the uncertainty over his future hang over another basketball season, and unless a sign-and-trade is worked out, Deng will play out his final season in 2008-09 and sign elsewhere next summer.

When reached on Sunday, Deng’s agent, Jason Levien, would only say, “We continue to talk to the Bulls and remain hopeful that something can be accomplished.”

From what I've seen and heard from Luol in the past, he is not the type of guy to just casually threaten his employer. He has been very up front with Bulls management last season despite the lack of an extension and remains one of the core players from their original youth movement.

To lose Deng in a year for nothing in return would be one of John Paxson's worst failures as GM of the Bulls, and basically a terminable offense. Unless Jerry Reinsdorf is in full control of the situation, and it appears he is not, the Bulls need to come up with a contract that satisfies Deng and keeps the Bulls in the hunt for the 2010 free agency bonanza.

I think Deng is much more valuable than Ben Gordon, who also is in his own fight for the $$, and may very well be crafting his own 2-week ultimatum as I'm typing this. Deng has shown he can ball with the best, even during the playoffs (17.7/ 7.3/ 1.7), and shouldn't be regarded as just another hired hand that the Bulls can bully into agreeing to a less than fair deal.

We'll see today if the Bulls come back with a statement on Deng's posturing but they are officially on the clock and in a situation where Deng has the majority of the leverage.

Parents Outsourcing Their Babysitters

Report: Many U.S. Parents Outsourcing Child Care Overseas

Chicago Bull Word of the Day

We here at Chicago Bull like to be progressive with our posts. We don't just sit around all day with a bag of weed and some Cheetos throwing darts at a wall with ideas on it, as awesome as that may sound.

So today, I was talking with one of my female co-workers and we were discussing her attraction to older men. This girl is pretty decent looking, but apparently she enjoys the company of men in their mid-30s.

Why? It could be the security that most older men have, or maybe she just enjoys talking about what it was really like in the 1980's without having to watch that awful show in VH1.

Anyway, today I was chatting on our little company version of instant messenger and I inquired about her date last night when I thought of the greatest name for her older gentlemen callers: Manfriend.

Yep, manfriend is officially the inaugural Chicago Bull word of the day. Now if you think we're just going to put up a funny word every Friday and call it a day, you've got another thing coming.

No, we're going to Google that word and post the 1st picture that comes up for all of you to laugh and laugh and laugh. So yes, this horribly gay reenactment of a great Halloween costume inspired by the movie Karate Kid is the first thing that came up when I searched for today's word of the day.

We're going to try to do this every Friday so start sending in some words but DO NOT Google them first because that will take out all the humor of posting them on here.

Let's See How Those Cubs-Sox 08' Predictions Are Going

At the end of March as you may or may not recall, I figured I would make some stupid predictions in which I hoped would come true so I could call myself a genius. With the season entering the second half, let's take a look back at my jackassery (which will probably be changed to a different word because Noce is a word nazi. You worked at the Daily Illni, I get it. Stop giving me your high and mighty bullshit because you use proper nouns.)

WHITE SOX:

Jose Contreras will win 15 games: at 7-6 it's a possibility, but highly unlikely. He should end up pretty close though. Contreras had a better second half last year, but given how shitty he was, that's not hard. You'll recall in 05' he had an absolutely stellar first half, and then cooled off. He's on pace for around 238 IP, and that's not a good thing.

Joe Crede will be on the Sox after the trading deadline: I doubt they would package Crede with the way he's played, and especially with Fields not exactly ripping the cover off the ball in Charlotte. To play Devil's advocate, he's the best trading piece the Sox have right now. I'm not sure where they would need to improve thanks to Alexei Ramirez and the best league ERA for a bullpen.

AJ Pierzynski and Paul Konerko will not be in Sox uniforms by the deadline: Did you hear that? I just punched myself in the nuts. And it was well deserved to think the Sox would trade A.J. Win some, lose some. Fucking awful. Anyways, Konerko is a 10/5 guy (10 years MLB experience, 5 years with the same team) and has the right to veto any trade he doesn't like. Who could use him? How about the Rays? Carlos Pena has spent most of the year on the DL (like Konerko hasn't? just saying though). While they be reluctant to take on that much of a financial commitment, he'd sure as shit be an improvement over Ben Zobrist for the surprising Rays.

CUBS:

Fukudome will struggle for the first half, and turn in a stellar second half to win Rookie of the Year. He came out of the gates hitting every thing, but is now down .279 which isn't too bad. He was project to be in the .280 to .300 range, so he's right there. He also leads all NL rookies with a .383 OBP. However, Geovanny Soto would have to be the front runner for the title.

The Cubs will have the division wrapped up on September 4th: I still think this is the right date. The Cardinals are 4 back, Brewers 5. CC Sabathia is not enough to make up the distance, and the Brew Crew will need to win most of their 10 games upcoming against the Cubs in the second half. While 7 of those will be in Milwaukee including the final 3 of the season, it may not matter by that point.

Finally, the boldest call of them all: Kerry Wood will only go on the 15 day DL once. So far, so good. Same can be said for Wood's performance in the closer's role this year. He's had a couple blown saves, but overall has been very effective.

The Doctor Returns

Yes kids, I'm back from Michigan. Glad to see you all played nice with Noce. I had a feeling he would throw up least a post..but a couple? Well done sir. I'll try to to have something up for you a little later on today as I play read-the-worthless-email-from-the-past-three-days ago even though I wouldn't have read it anyways.

Rose named to USA Select Team

I knew there was a reason I signed up for the MyBulls newsletters - they always give me good posting topics. Today's most recent topic - Bulls' rookie PG Derrick Rose has been named to the USA Men's Basketball Select Team. Rose will join nine other top young NBA players to help the 2008 USA Senior National team that will compete in the upcoming Olympic Games in Beijing.

Team USA Managing Director, and former Illini, Jerry Colangelo named Oklahoma City head coach and last year's Select Team head coach P.J. Carlisimo as the head coach for this year's team. Colangelo explains the thought process behind having what is virtually a JV team.

“We also brought into the senior team’s training camp last summer a select team of young NBA superstars and it proved to be valuable preparation for our Senior Team. Again in 2008 the Select Team features some of the league’s most promising young and upcoming players – including Kevin Durant who is a member of our Senior National Team and was the 2008 NBA Rookie of the Year.

We’re looking for this select group to really compete and help prepare our senior team for Beijing,” said Colangelo.

I'm happy for Rose to earn such honors without even playing one minute of NBA basketball but at the same time, I worry after his recent MRI results showing tendonitis, more basketball will only hurt his chances of being 100% going into the 2008-09 NBA season.

I think I can speak for everyone at ChicagoBull, which is basically only myself and Dr. C (Sorry EA), and refer back to our last post that said Rose needs some serious rest if he's ever going to be able to heal.

I'm no doctor, let me just get that outta the way. In fact, I have made it through 24 years of life pretty much ignoring what would generally be considered sound medical advice, but I decided to read up on tendonitis and here's what I found, particularly about tendonitis in the knee.

From to About.com's Orthopedics section,

What causes patellar tendonitis?
Patellar tendonitis is the condition that arises when the tendon and the tissues that surround it, become inflamed and irritated. This is usually due to overuse, especially from jumping activities. This is the reason patellar tendonitis is often called "jumper's knee."

When overuse is the cause of patellar tendonitis, patients are usually active participants of jumping-types of sports such as basketball or volleyball. Patellar tendonitis may also be seen with sports such as running and soccer. Also, some patients develop patellar tendonitis after sustaining an acute injury to the tendon, and not allowing adequate healing. This type of traumatic patellar tendonitis is much less common than overuse syndromes.

What is the treatment for patellar tendonitis?

Rest
The most important first step in treatment is to avoid activities that aggravate the problem. Your body is the best guide to know how much to rest the injured knee--if an activity hurts in the area of the injured patellar tendon, then you should rest from that activity.

The good news about this is that according to the same site, surgery is extremely rare and almost never an option unless chronic patellar tendonitis develops. So he's got that going for him, for now, which is nice.

I guess Rose will have to be the person in charge of how he feels but from his reputation as a gym rat who had dozens of MRI's on his knee during his one year at Memphis, I wouldn't doubt that he'll just play through the pain. Whether or not that affects his performance is yet to be determined.

I hope for the kid's sake and for the Bulls' sake that this is strictly a learning opportunity for him to gain knowledge of the position he'll be playing from some of the game's current greats in Deron Williams and Jason Kidd.

Greenstein: North close to joining WLS

Continuing from our previous post on ChicagoBull's favorite morning loudmouth, Teddy Greenstein is reporting today that Mike North is close to agreeing to a deal with WLS-AM 890.

WLS-AM 890 is on the verge of tendering an offer to former WSCR-AM 670 morning man Mike North, according to an industry source. But the source said North, with his eyes on another potential deal, might decline it.

The morning slot at WLS has been occupied by "Don Wade & Roma" since 1985. The hosts' contracts are up in November.
comment.

I tried checking the Sun-Times to see if they have dug up anything but at usual, they've got nothing but another column from that asshat Jay Mariotti. Will someone please tell me who reads his columns? I'd like to meet some Mariotti fans - if there are any - and ask them a few questions.

Anyway - back to North. I checked on his website and there was no news of his move over to WLS so I guess we'll just have to play the waiting game.

I hope he finds somewhere soon - and I wonder if the show will stay the same as it was on WSCR. As long as Jen Jen is still there, I'll be a happy man.
Lets end this one on a high note - Jen Patterson ladies and gentlemen.

Bears ink Kevin Jones to 1-year deal

The Bears signed RB Kevin Jones to a 1-year deal (in case you didn't read the headline) today, rounding out their Mazda Protege-like offseason free-agent group that also includes such players as Marty Booker and Brandon Lloyd.

Jones, fresh off a knee surgery that scared most teams away, will try to fill the void left by Cedric Benson. So really, a 10-yard run on his first carry from scrimmage and he'll pretty much be seen as a good signing.

The weird thing is, and thanks to Pro Football Talk for pointing it out, head coach Lovie Smith has said all along that the Bears were not looking to add a veteran back to make up for the loss of Benson.

The move conflicts with coach Lovie Smith’s subsequent comments, during which he said that the team had no plans to add a veteran tailback to replace Benson.

“We don’t have any plans to do that,” Smith said. “From Matt [Forte’] to Adrian Peterson to Garrett Wolfe, to P.J. Pope, Matt Lawrence, we like all of our players and those are the ones that we’re going with.”

Whether it was a smokescreen aimed at keeping Jones’ asking price low or the result of a fears that Forte’ won’t be ready to be the Week One starter as a rookie, the team has changed course, dramatically.

So now not only do they have a quarterback controversy that's about to explode with the rumors that GM Jerry Angelo is interested in the Bucs' Chris Simms, they also have a clusterfuck at RB. This is what happens when you let the incomprable douche Ron Turner run what is supposed to look like an "offense".

I've had to deal with Turner's retarded logic for too many years now, going back to when he took the reigns of a promising Illinois team and ran it straight into the ground by recruiting and signing something like 14 quarterbacks in three years.

It was rumored that Turner had seven QB's all on full scholarship when he was fired in 2004 after back-to-back stellar seasons of 1-11 and 3-8. One of those seven was Jon Beutjer. Enough said.

I don't know why the Bears picked him up for a second go-around but this is a guy who sports an anemic 35-57 (.380) record as a head coach and so far has failed to produce anything that would remotely be considered an offensive attack.

I could rant on Turner for hours but I'd just end up angry and right back where I started - me at work upset and Ron Turner douching away probably on some golf course. Ron Turner is the type of guy to play every out of bounds as a lateral hazard, knowing full well he's shaving a few strokes off his usual score of 94.

What was the point of this post again? Oh yea Kevin Jones, see that about sums it up right there - who gives a shit? Add another broken wheel to this already fuming truck and lets get excited about an 8-8 season.

Pineapple Express Song, although European, still pretty cool

I'm sure by now you've seen the trailer to Judd Apatow and Seth Rogan's upcoming new realease titled Pineapple Express. From what I've seen so far, the movie looks like it's got some potential. Express co-star James Franco, fresh off his role in the amazingly lame Spiderman series, appears to finally be part of a movie that doesn't completely suck. I kinda like him though he could be the next Brad Pitt - just throwing that out there.

Anyway, the song from the trailer is pretty fucking cool and I managed to find one that didn't have the embedding disabled in YouTube so check it out. The artist, M.I.A., is British by way of Sri Lanka and I'd say about a 7 outta 10. She does get bonus points for rocking the Ride the Lightning t-shirt though, that is impressive.

Weekend Fuck Off

I know Dr. C likes to call this little segment the 'Weekend Sendoff" but I'm the Captain of this ship for the next few days and if you haven't already noticed, I'm a little more cynical than my good buddy. Today you get the weekend 'Fuck Off'.

It's for everyone - you readers (seriously what the hell are you doing reading this site? Have you run out of things to Wikipedia?), the people in my office who are incompetant fucking retards and have about two ounces of working brain matter, and especially to my girlfriend's girlfriend for getting knocked up - which subsequently forced my girlfriend to go with this dumb slut to get the unwanted fetus aborted this morning, successfully cockblocking me for an entire weekend.

Anyway, since I'm already pissed off today because of my stupid job, I figured I'd give you guys a nice little metal song to listen to because listening to it on repeat is the only thing that's currently keeping me from taking my desk chair and throwing it out my 10th floor window onto Michigan Ave.

I have been listening to a steady dose of 'More Human than Human' by White Zombie but that's just not quite hardcore enough for bullshit days like today.

I'll spare you the boring details about my ass-backwards sales job and let you enjoy the only thing good to ever come out of Germany besides Octoberfest and Dolph Lundgren.

For those of you sadists, I'll be here next week posting away my thoughts on everything from the NBA (naturally), the White Sox, and if you're lucky I'll bust out an ESPN Member Douchebag that puts all the others to shame.

So eat shit fuckers, I'm spending the rest of the day at my desk thinking about when I can have my first beer.

Quick Programming Note

I'm off to the annual vacation in Michigan as of tomorrow, and I'll be back posting as usual on Thursday when I return to this magical cubicle. Speaking of posting...do something you cunt rags. Anyways, if you don't see any posts from here til then, you'll know why. Hopefully Noce will keep you entertained. He'll have your weekend send-off pretty soon. Also, the boss is leaving at noon, so you'll probably have a post or two thereafter. That is all for now. Fuck shit cock balls.

Reuters Just Keeps Giving The Goods

A post about the two great comebacks by the White Sox this past two days? Meh. A post about the Cubs signing their first pick in the draft? Not really.

A post about a drunk who decides to become a firefighter? Now were fuckin' talking!

Firefighters called to a blaze at an apartment building in a southern German town were astonished to discover a fully equipped extremely drunk imposter in their ranks, police said on Thursday.

On hearing the alarm, the 38-year-old man had rushed to the fire station, was helped into protective clothing and helmet by unsuspecting firefighters and boarded the fire engine, a spokesman for Suedhessen police said.

After arriving at the apartments, firefighters quickly realized the man was an imposter and called the police, he added.

"When fire breaks out, it's all hands on deck!" the man told officers when questioned about his motives. He was released without charge after sobering up overnight in a police cell.

When a fire breaks out, it's all hands on deck. When a fight breaks out in the White Sox dugout, it's all hands on Orlando Cabrera. Good Job Contreras. It's the first hitter you've held in check all year.

Death...By Fold-Out Couch

Don't you hate having to sleep on a fold-out couch? I'm sure whoever came up with the invention thought it was a good idea at the time, but really it's a fucking torture chamber. Just ask this guy in St. Petersburg. Well, actually I guess you can't now considering he's colder then Heath Ledger. From Reuters:

- A Russian woman in St Petersburg killed her drunk husband with a folding couch, Russian media reported on Wednesday.

St Petersburg's Channel Five said the man's wife, upset with her husband for being drunk and refusing to get up, kicked a handle after an argument, activating a mechanism that folds the couch up against a wall.

The couch, which doubles as a bed, folds up automatically in order to save space. The man fell between the mattress and the back of the couch, Channel Five quoted emergency workers as saying.

The woman then walked out of the room and returned three hours later to check on what she thought was an unusually quiet sleeping husband.

Emergency workers said the man died instantly.

Kinda reminds of Megadeth's 99 ways to die. Good song.

Cubs Fans, Welcome Kerry Wood Jr.!

He throws his fastball in the upper 90's with ease. He's got a huge K/9IP ratio. But he's been on the DL 6 times since 2005. Thinking about Kerry Wood after this description? Wrong! Look what you've won Chicago, your very own reincarnation of Wood named Rich Harden! Yay!

Harden and Chad Gaudin come to the North Side after parting ways with Matt "the ginger" Murton, Eric Patterson, Sean Gallager and Single A catcher Josh Donaldson.

According to Dave van Dyck from the Tribune, One other scout who watched said Harden has changed since the injuries, throwing "only fastballs and changeups, no sliders or splitters," and that he topped out about 90-92 m.p.h. on the radar gun. Earlier in the year his fastball had been clocked at 94 m.p.h.

Kinda Santana-esque in the fact that he only really throws two pitches, but Harden is no Santana. And he's only throwing in the low 90's, that's not good. Santana is in the 93-95 range, and while it's not a huge difference, every split-second counts.

Harden has had shoulder, elbow, and oblique issues in the past.

I would be cautiously optimistic if I were a Cubs fan. On one hand, you make a statement right back to the Brewers and the rest of the NL Central that you mean business. You get that 2nd starter really need for the postseason.

On the other, Eric Patterson has looked like a hitting machine from what I've seen in a Cubs uniform, and Gallagher has very good stuff. I was never sold on Matt Murton being an everyday starter for the Cubs, so it's good that he gets a chance to do that in Oakland. I don't know anything about the prospect catcher, but I do know that Chad Gaudin has given the Sox fits before in some spot starts.

Just don't expect anything like a Wednesday, May 6th 1998 performance from Harden. He'll give you 5-6 innings every start, and that should be enough to lead to the bullpen.

Speaking of that particular date, you'd swear it was like fucking Kennedy getting shot with Cubs fans' descriptions:

I sitting in my apartment on grace street right off Clark. I had just gotten a thirty pack of Old Style from the Jewel down the street on Southport. It was a warm, beautiful day when number 34, Kid K, earned his nickname. I received 12 phone calls in span of 10 minutes as he piled up the punch outs. It was so magical...

The Adventures Dr. C and Noce This Past Weekend

I know it's a little late, but I decided to post this anyway. Last weekend was a little ridiculous for me and my ol' buddy Noce. And now you're going to hear about it.

A good friend of ours was in town from Phoenix for the 4th of July, and last Thursday after work Noce and I met up with him, his friend who he brought with him (who was a real fucking odd duck if you know what I mean. He looked like a journalist from Montana who had seen too many steers put down the day before. Plus he asked us if we could hook him up with some blow, which was also strange; we don't dabble in that tomfoolery).

The plan? If you guessed get extremely intoxicated and hit on attractive women, you're correct. So we proceeded to Noce's manor where we started the boozin'.

We had some sort of deal at a club Enclave where it was an hour of free drinks from 9-10 and half off cover, which would have still been $10 after the deal. Let it be known, that I, Dr. C, fucking hate clubs. I enjoy the hot girls there, but would much rather go to a bar.

As usual, we're pretty shit-canned by the time we get there. Only problem is, it's 9:50 by the time we get in line. This did not make the doctor pleased:

Dr. C: So we have to pay twenty dollars to get in this motherfucker now?!
Noce: You'll be fine once you get in there, dude.

(pauses, thinks it over)

Dr. C: Fuck this, I'm not giving away twenty fucking dollars to pay eight dollars a beer. I'm out.

And with that I bolted; destination unknown. Sometimes when I get drunk, I over analyze situations. I don't like my chances for booze being reduced and overpriced when I'm already shitfaced. So I strolled down the street where I stumbled into what I believed was T.G.I. Fridays. I grabbed a stool, got a double jack and coke and surveyed the scene.

The damp, dewy shit hole had equal representation in its Thursday night clientele. An old man next to me who looked like he had been laid off after 32 years at the post office, a younger couple on the verge of fucking in their booth. Garbage.

Luckily, a friend of mine lives just two blocks down the street, and he didn't mind me coming over. So I went there and drank for free.

About three hours later, I get a call from Noce:

Noce: Dude, I'm in a cab
Dr. C: Did you just leave
Noce: Yeah
Dr. C: Come pick my ass up, I'm two blocks away.
(Just as I tell Noce my coordinates, I immediately hear him yelling at the cab driver, fuck, stop, go here, go here in a slightly drunken Noce tone)

As I hop in the Cab, Noce looks like he just took 3 vicodin after eating a thanksgiving meal. He was mush. Dude, I'm fucked up he replies. I laugh.

We pull up outside of his place, and I get out of the cab. Noce is just sitting there. Let's go, Dummy I say to him trying to coax him out. He finally gets out. He takes two steps and collapses onto the car next to him.

Now when I say collapse, I mean complete upper body all over the hood of this SUV.

Dr. C: (laughing) What the fuck are you doing?
Noce: Mmmmmmmumble

So I guide Noce to his bed, and the second I toss him in, he starts making an upchuck face. Normally, using the garbage can next to his head would have been the best option, but I'm kinda drunk so I tried getting him to the toilet. Yeah, not so much. He got most of it in there, but there was some damage done.

Now enter Noce's roommate. He's a former D-1 college lineman measuring in at 6'2", and well over 300 lbs.

Roommate: WHERE THE FUCK IS (NOCE)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dr. C: What happened?
Roommate: THAT MOTHERFUCKER STUCK ME WITH A $350 DOLLAR TAB AT THE BAR!!

(Death and Destruction ensues)

I convinced him to go outside before things were dismantled, and calmed him down. Apparently the group got a bottle at the club which was $265 dollars, plus good old Cook County taxes. Noce wanted shot glasses to go with the bottle, instead he got four shots, $50 in all. While they all agreed to split the cost of the bottle, Noce was going to put the tab on his card and get the money from everyone. He never put the card down. He left it for his roommate. He also never got the money from our friend from Phoenix, and his nose-candying work associate.

I on the other hand, spent less then 20 dollars and drank the rest of the miller lite in Noce's fridge.

Sometimes over analyzing is the right thing to do. Good times.

Programming Note

For those of you lucky college kids home for the summer with nothing to do, or if you're just bored at work, the Bulls take on the Miami Heat in about 10 minutes in the Orlando Summer Leage. Michael Beasley is out of the game, virtually removing any interesting storyline but for the diehards, this game is a must-see.

You can watch the game on your computer via the world wide web and NBA.com - and I highly recommend you do because these announcers are hilarious. They know only about 15 people are listening so they say whatever they want and it's actually really funny.

In the first game today Indiana played Oklahoma City and roughly 90% of the broadcast was spent coming up with hilarious fake names for the new Oklahoma City (god that's fucking annyoing to type) team.

So check it out - take a break from masturbating/Microsoft Excel in your respective states and check out both Vinny Del Negro and Derrick Rose's 1st "game" as a Chicago Bull.

Maybe He Should Take It Easy For a Bit

Derrick Rose participated in the night practice of Saturday’s double sessions for Bulls’ summer-league mini-camp despite battling tendinitis in his right knee.

The No. 1 pick limped noticeably following the morning practice, his knee wrapped in ice, but vowed not to miss games at the Orlando Pro Summer League beginning Monday.

"I’ve been coming 90 minutes early every day to get treatment," Rose said. "I’ll be fine."

Has anyone see video of Rose running these past few days? He's pretty much hobbling up and down the court.

Rose said the condition dates to his one season at Memphis and developed for noble reasons.

"I was scared I wouldn’t have a good season, so I would stay in the gym for like four hours until I got tendinitis," he said. "Coach (John Calipari) had to tell the managers don’t let me in no more because I was tearing up my knees and I had to keep getting MRIs. I just wanted to prove people wrong and let them know that I was going to play hard. That’s just the way I think."

I'm very glad he's opposite of Michael Beasley in that he wants to spend every minute of his day maximizing his abilities, but shouldn't the kid be watched very closely at this point?

Judging from my posting nickname, you would think I would have a say in this, and here's my prognosis:

Let him play this week, but play him maybe a little less then you normally would if he wasn't hobbling around the court.

82 games is a long season, and there's plenty of time for him to adjust to playing in the league. While I think it's good that he goes out there and starts to get a feel for how high can he lob the alley-oop the lob for Tyrus, or how much listerine he should keep near him for Noah's breath, he has plenty of time.

If Paxson and Del Negro really don't want to burden him right away with lofty expectations, then there should be no need to push him during these meaningless games.

Another reason (from Wikipedia): Chronic overuse of tendons leads to microscopic tears within the collagen matrix, which gradually weakens the tissue.

Due to their highly specialised ultrastructure, low level of vascularization and slow collagen turnover, tendons and ligaments are very slow to heal if injured, and rarely regain their original strength. Partial tears heal by the rapid production of disorganized type-III collagen, which is weaker than normal tendon. Recurrence of injury in the damaged region of tendon is common.

If you try to push him too much, you run the risk of him getting tears in his knees. He's only 19, and he had to get a shitload of MRI's in college for this. Tears lead to time on the DL, and that leads to an even slower development then if he takes it easy and allows his tendons to strengthen.

I'm sure if you're like me, you're very excited to watch him play today. But let's not forget; there's plenty of time to enjoy Mr. Rose. He must continue to grow before he can blossom.

He Gone? White Sox ponder announcer Jackson's future

Just when I was finally coming to terms with the nightly trainwreck that White Sox broadcaster Darrin Jackson calls "work", the Sox are going to up and oust him from his perch inside Ken "Hawk" Harrleson's nest and replace him with Chicago's go-to baseball guy: Steve Stone.

The Chicago Tribune is reporting today that the Sox have yet to announce whether they plan on picking up an option for DJ, who has actually made it through nine seasons of White Sox baseball defending his anemic .257 batting average every chance he gets.

DJ is supposed to be the "color" guy (not colored guy you racist assholes) but he often loses his train of thought during one of his pointless diatribes and reverts back to aimlessly stumbling over even the most pedestrian statistical references.

Jackson and Hawk, notorious homers, have been known to go long portions of innings without uttering a word, and when DJ finally tries to interrupt the awkward silence, he usually says retarded things like his thoughts on how the DH allows pitchers to throw inside more to lefties during home games.

DJ also has managed to change his manner of speaking to imitate Hawk's Southern draw and it only makes him that much more annyoing, especially when he opens the broadcast with his patented "Howdy folks" line. It's usually at that point when I chug an entire beer to get myself towards his level of thinking.



I think Stone would be a nice change of pace to DJ's usual pointless banter because Stone does have a lot of knowledge about the game. I worry that he and Hawk will have a lot of bumps in the road along the way though, because both are very opinionated people and Hawk can be somewhat of a jackass at times.

I'm curious to see how this will all play out, because I know that Hawk does like DJ and they do have the power to say whatever they want on air, at least it seems like it because they talk about some stupid shit sometimes, so if this turns into and ugly feud you might hear some of Hawk or even DJ's thoughts on the matter during another meaningless Brian Anderson at bat.

What the Hell Am I Doing At Work?

That's the thought I ponder as I sit at my desk. This day is going to be looooong. With that in mind, I'll try to post a few more times today to help you if you're trapped in the same predictament as myself.

I've decided that Keeley Hazell is my new flavor of the week. Previous participants include Jennifer Walcott, Scarlett Johanssen, Lindsay Lohan circa Mean Girls, Lacey Chabert, Jenny McCarthy back in that terrible MTV show Singled Out, and well, the list goes on. If you look at the tags for this post, you will see my coined phrase if only I had a brick. Feel free to use it.

Speaking of hot women, there is nothing better then walking around the city these days with all these hot chicks in tight white or black pants. Please continue this trend, ladies. You're the only reason I wake up in the morning. That and my ringing headache from too many 7 & 7's. If you too are little on the hungover side, take this prescription: 1 or 2 Vitamin Water Revive's, and 2 advil. You'll thank about an hour afterwards.

For the weekend send off song/video, I'm feeling some classic rock is in order. I give you Roundabout by Yes. 8 minutes of groove, and possibly one of the best basslines in a song in the past 36 years.

Announcement

First off, the busty blonde to the right is a friend of mine. She was a Luvabull a year ago, and now she models all over the place. Nevermind the Ben Wallace shirt. Oh, you didn't notice? Good, neither did I.

Second, We wanted to get some different voices on Chicago Bull, so we asked reader/commenter/correcter of my terrible use of the English language Stalkingerinandrews to contribute. StalkingEA will post when he feels like, and today he's a little concerned about Mr. Rose. Take it away, StalkingEA:

A Plea to Derrick Rose

Wow. My first actual blog post. This is such a magical time when a lowly commenter becomes a lowly blogger...Wait, what!? I'm putting myself on Buzz Bissinger's hate list? Does this mean my wife is kicking me out and the only available room is in my parents basement? Crap. Ah, the days of last week when I was just a commenter making wise-ass remarks on various blogs. *sigh* Good times. (Editor's note: for future reference, attempting to be less gay when writing will supremely enhance the quality of your posts. - Noce)

The rest of this post is aimed at Derrick Rose. If anyone can get him to read this, by all means please show it to him.

Derrick, the city of Chicago already loves you, and you haven’t even played a game yet. We all have high hopes for you and the Bulls, and we want you to bring as much success as possible to yourself and Chicago.

That being said, please stay out of any more trouble. Just go to your court date, ask for leniency, and never get on the wrong side of the law again.

We here in the Chicago area have been plagued by star athletes who just can’t stay out of trouble, and we don’t want to see you go down the same path. Scottie Pippen was caught with a gun in his car, Lance Briggs crashed his Lamborghini and ran away, Cedric Benson can’t drive anything motorized while sober, and Tank Johnson’s crimes are too numerous to list here, just to name a few.



While your 106 mph speeding ticket was minor compared to these, nobody wants to see you progress to anything worse. Now, I realize it’s fun to put the hammer down on a machine that will take it, especially out in the country. Hell, I live not too far from where you got stopped. If you really want to come out my way and test the limits of some car, I know stretches of road where the cops won’t be. Just let me know.

But for now, please, PLEASE, just lay low, play some ball, and work on bringing some joy to Chicago and Bulls fans everywhere. Thanks, Derrick, I know you’ll do the right thing.

Vote For Your Favorite All-Stars Like...Jerry Owens?

I have exercised my right as a United States citizen to vote one time. I was 18 when I cast my ballot for some local primary race. I had no clue who I voted for, who they were, what they stood for...nothing. I voted simply because I could. I have not voted since, mainly because I could give a fuck less who runs this country.

Now ask me to vote on something like the MLB All-Star game, and I'm all for it. Early and often, as the term goes. So being on the internets, I felt it necessary to be a good homer and vote for my favorite White Sox players. I even voted for a couple Cubs players on the NL side.

When I got to the ballot, the AL side was first. Let's see here, I'll go A.J. (click), Justin Morneau (click), and so on till I got to the outfielders. Ok, I definitely want Dye (click). Hmm...I guess I'll go Manny (click). Alright, Quentin...Quentin...Quentin...

Not there. At all.

While MLB.com does not approve of Carlos Quentin, it did have the obligatory three White Sox players. You see, MLB.com has fucking had it with this slow ass station-to-station hit home runs or don't score at all product on the south side.


They want excitement. They want speed. They want...Jerry Owens.

That's right, a man who hasn't played in the majors this year.

19 HR's and 61 RBI's? Garbage. A man with a bad groin? That's entertainment.

Granted, you can write Quentin's name in, but fuck, get with the times MLB.com. I hope someone got fired for this bonehead error, or at very least had to sit through every Juan Uribe at-bat...I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

Summer Basketball

I know you have all been dying to get your hands on the Bulls' Summer League schedule, so ask and you shall receive.

The Bulls will be sending new head coach Vinney Del Negro along with rookie Derrick Rose who will team up with Tyrus Thomas, Joakim Noah and, how could I forget, Demetrius Nichols in the four game set. I doubt it's going to be on TV but if I had to predict what's going to happen, I'd say alley oop Rose to Thomas will be a popular call.

Monday, July 7, 2008
1st Game 3:00 Indiana vs. Seattle
2nd Game * Chicago vs. Miami
3rd Game ** Orlando vs. New Jersey

Tuesday, July 8, 2008
1st Game 3:00 Miami vs. New Jersey
2nd Game * Seattle vs. Orlando
3rd Game ** Indiana vs. Chicago

Wednesday, July 9, 2008
1st Game 3:00 Chicago vs. Orlando
2nd Game * New Jersey vs. Seattle
3rd Game ** Miami vs. Indiana

Thursday, July 10, 2008
1st Game 3:00 Chicago vs. New Jersey
2nd Game * Indiana vs. Orlando
3rd Game ** Miami vs. Seattle

Friday, July 11, 2008
1st Game 11:00AM New Jersey vs. Indiana
2nd Game * Seattle vs. Chicago
3rd Game ** Orlando vs. Miami

Chris Duhon Departs The Bulls

Dear Chicago Bull readers,

It is with a heavy heart that I announce that your favorite Duke alum has packed his bags, and is supposedly heading to New York according to the NY Daily News.

If I may, I would like eulogize the Chris Duhon era in Chicago with a few words.

Ahem.

Chris Duhon was the 38th overall pick by the Chicago Bulls in the 2004 draft and the third of the day which included Ben Gordon and Luol Deng. Upon his arrival, he was as well received as AIDS in Uganda. But despite this, Duhon attempted to make the most of his by playing in 82 games his rookie year, averaging 5.9 ppg and 4.9 apg.

In the years following, Chris may not have been always been the leading scorer or hero of the game, but he usually lead everyone in the poor decision making category, a stat that truly reflects his abilities.

In his 4 years with the Bulls, he scored 2,077 points, and with 34 Lincoln Park sluts.

Chris' shitty attitude, ability to whine about playing time, inability to dribble a round fucking ball, and late night appearences at McGee's on Webster and Sheffield will truly be missed.

While Chris has been the subject of harsh language from myself and Noce over the past four years, we wish him nothing but the end of the bench, genital herpes, and a nasty tumble out of the airplane when he steps foot in the Big Apple.

I think Bob Costas' thoughts on Will Leitch's departure from Deadspin also work in the Duhon case...So long, Fuckhead.

PS: The parade planned in his departure will start down Michigan ave. at 5:30 pm today.

Will The Hawks Open the Checkbook Finally?

Two things before I get into this post.

#1: We never congratulated Patrick Kane on winning Rookie of the Year..so..congrats.

#2: What the fuck is that dress? A guard to protect the legs while walking through sawgrass? A diversion from her average rack?

Ok, now that we got that out of the way, the NHL free agency period starts at 11am today. Ryan Malone is a Lightning bolt, or something like that. So that leaves on the market Marian Hossa (seen right with Zebra safari leader), Sean Avery and Pavol Demitra who aren't in the 34 and older category for forwards.

At Defensemen you've got Bard Stuart, Paul Mara, and one got the 'Hawks already have their eye on, Brian Campbell.

I don't claim to be a "Hockey Aficionado", or know a ton about alot of these guys, but what I do know is how fucking cheap every franchise is in this city is that doesn't play their sport on a diamond. While the Cubs and Sox are generally willing to pay (Cubs much more becuase they can afford to, thanks to their lovely bar at Clark and Addison), the Bears, Blackhawks and Bulls generally tend to stay reserved.

The McCaskey's have astonished me so far by paying Tommie Harris what he's worth, but still have Urlacher and Hester to take care of.

The Bulls paid Jordan what he was worth in his final years, but since then would prefer to draft and develop their talent rather then pay for it free agency. And I'm sure their thanking god after not signing Gordon to 50-60 million they were willing to before this past season started. Talk about fucking yourself out of a payday, BG.

The 'Hawks? What was their last splashy signing? Hey Hawks fan, we just got Andrei Zyuzin, try not to shit yourselves!!! I guess in reality that would be the 'Bhulin wall. Personally, I would rather commit to Lalime (whom is also a free agent, and rumored to be heading back to Ottawa. Looks like I'm fucked on that commitment).

With 44 million locked up, and a salary cap of a little over the 56 mil., it appears the Hawks will try to lock up Campbell, and another forward who can provide some scoring. That title was assigned to Havlat, but picking up a straw without tearing a muscle is obviously too much to ask for.

While .0009% of this city will be paying attention to see who they sign, I'm excited for the upcoming season. They should finally be expected to compete, and having back on the airwaves completely is something no one under 30 has ever seen.

So please John McDonough, don't follow city sports franchise spending policy. Commit to the payout.