Bears vs. Themselves vs. 49ers Tonight

I have to be honest, I haven't been paying much attention to the Bears this year. And I've been a whole lot happier because of it.

I have probably watched 10 minutes of Bear football this year and I think in those 10 minutes I uttered somewhere around 75 "fucks!", "assholes!", "holy shits!" and "what the fuck are you doing you fucking assholes?".

I just cannot comprehend some of the decisions that the coaches make on a play-by-play basis - and this is pretty much just talking about the offensive side of the ball.

I understand that getting upset about the Bears' offense is about as productive as an Apple II, but I just can't seem to wrap my brain around the idea that it's ok for a PROFESSIONAL NFL OFFENSE to suck more balls than John Amaechi. It's like we're hypnotized to believe that the offense can produce jack shit and if the team wins, everything is fine.

I guess I shouldn't expect much from the Bears fanbase when it comes to football knowlege and realistic expectations. Hell, at least half of the fan base accounts for Cubs fans and we all know how smart and professional they are up in Wrigleyville.

I'm not totally absolving the Bears fans who support the Sox either, because we know they have had their fair share of incidents as well (I was actually at that game). Sox fans have managed to at least appear informed about their team though, something that seems to elude those Old Style swilling yuppies on the North side.

Regardless of the baseball allegiances, there is one NFL team in Chicago and it's fucking unbelievable that we fans allow them to march out guys who wouldn't make the practice squads on some NFL teams and think it's okay for a QB rating of 75.2. These guys are supposed to be pros people!

If anyone has the opportunity - go down to Indianapolis and watch how they operate. Think their fans go into the stadium talking about how their key is to win the battle for "field position"? Fuck no. Think Colts fans are excited when the team gets their first 1st down in the waning minutes of the 2nd quarter? Think that has even happened since Peyton Manning took over? (I really don't know so if you wanna look that up - be my guest, but I'd put money on no)

Granted they have a HOF quarterback in Manning but they still have players around him that compete at an NFL level day-in and day-out, which is something the Bears simply cannot say. Digging up old has-beens and never-weres off the scrap heap (Marty Booker, Brandon Lloyd) and trotting out an offensive line with more holes than Augusta National doesn't cut it Lovie.

And if it's not Lovie's fault (he is supposed to be a defensive guy after all) then what the fuck is Ron Turner still doing with a job? This guy has been as bad or worse than the guy whose favorite 3rd down play was the draw (see: John Shoop). Not only that, every year we have to hear about how Turner is "installing his system", which immediately makes me think of a panda bear taking a gigantic dump on a pack of fire ants.

I would like to challenge any Bears beat writer to sit next to Turner in the booth and just take notes of what he does during the games. I'm willing to bet that half the time he spends "calling plays" is really just him playing Battleship against himself.

God, I fucking hate Ron Turner.

See - even thinking about the Bears makes me angry. What the hell was this post about again? Oh yea - fucking stupid Bears and their shitty offense. I hope the whole offense (minus Kreutz - I can't stay mad at him) gets lost on the way to the game tonight and they're forced to play the defensive players on offense (there will be no difference) just to see what happens.

The Sox better make the damn playoffs because I'm going to need something to keep me from poking out my own eyes in a fit of rage.

Bears ink Kevin Jones to 1-year deal

The Bears signed RB Kevin Jones to a 1-year deal (in case you didn't read the headline) today, rounding out their Mazda Protege-like offseason free-agent group that also includes such players as Marty Booker and Brandon Lloyd.

Jones, fresh off a knee surgery that scared most teams away, will try to fill the void left by Cedric Benson. So really, a 10-yard run on his first carry from scrimmage and he'll pretty much be seen as a good signing.

The weird thing is, and thanks to Pro Football Talk for pointing it out, head coach Lovie Smith has said all along that the Bears were not looking to add a veteran back to make up for the loss of Benson.

The move conflicts with coach Lovie Smith’s subsequent comments, during which he said that the team had no plans to add a veteran tailback to replace Benson.

“We don’t have any plans to do that,” Smith said. “From Matt [Forte’] to Adrian Peterson to Garrett Wolfe, to P.J. Pope, Matt Lawrence, we like all of our players and those are the ones that we’re going with.”

Whether it was a smokescreen aimed at keeping Jones’ asking price low or the result of a fears that Forte’ won’t be ready to be the Week One starter as a rookie, the team has changed course, dramatically.

So now not only do they have a quarterback controversy that's about to explode with the rumors that GM Jerry Angelo is interested in the Bucs' Chris Simms, they also have a clusterfuck at RB. This is what happens when you let the incomprable douche Ron Turner run what is supposed to look like an "offense".

I've had to deal with Turner's retarded logic for too many years now, going back to when he took the reigns of a promising Illinois team and ran it straight into the ground by recruiting and signing something like 14 quarterbacks in three years.

It was rumored that Turner had seven QB's all on full scholarship when he was fired in 2004 after back-to-back stellar seasons of 1-11 and 3-8. One of those seven was Jon Beutjer. Enough said.

I don't know why the Bears picked him up for a second go-around but this is a guy who sports an anemic 35-57 (.380) record as a head coach and so far has failed to produce anything that would remotely be considered an offensive attack.

I could rant on Turner for hours but I'd just end up angry and right back where I started - me at work upset and Ron Turner douching away probably on some golf course. Ron Turner is the type of guy to play every out of bounds as a lateral hazard, knowing full well he's shaving a few strokes off his usual score of 94.

What was the point of this post again? Oh yea Kevin Jones, see that about sums it up right there - who gives a shit? Add another broken wheel to this already fuming truck and lets get excited about an 8-8 season.