BULLS VS. PISTONS - LIVE-BLOG

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Week 10 Picks From The Doctor

Want another reason to not like Jeff Garcia? It's staring right into your eyes, while your eyes are not looking at hers. Yes, Carmella DeCesare is ridiculous. Anyways, enough of that banter. I've already posted on the fact I'm seven games behind Noce right now, so I will be using the 2005 Houston Astros as my official comeback sponsor since they were 15-30 at one point only to come back and win the N.L. pennant. Of course they got swept by my beloved White Sox, so the transition from them to the Sox will be key. How does that work? Not a fucking clue here either, so let's move on and start the second half of the season the right way.

As you may or may not know, I'm also your guide to some Country Club Golf Hustlin' NFL bets. I pick 3 games each week with the line included for Epic Carnival, so if you want to make some cash, take the doctor's pigskin prescriptions. I'm 7-3 so far this year.

Denver @ Kansas City: Fresh off of a complete ass raping, the Broncos take their horrible defense on the road again; this time to Arrowhead Stadium. On the flip side, LJ will not be playing this week for the Chiefs, and could possibly be sidelined for the year. How's that Michael Bennett trade looking now? Wow..this is actually kinda tough. Denver's D sucks, but the only real threat for KC is down. I'll still take KC though; Tony Gonzalez has been much better of late, and he should be over the century mark for yards. 17-13 Chiefs

Buffalo @ Miami: Isn't it kinda ironic that while one team tries to be the second to ever go undefeated, the original team to do it has yet to win this year? I think it's hilarious personally, and I'm hoping they dont win at all. Fuck you Shula. LINE: -3 BUF 24-6 Bills

Minnesota @ Green Bay: If this one was at Minnesota, I would consider taking the viqueens. But Lambeau and Favre do not a good situation make for Purple Jesus. 27-20 Packers

Cleveland @ Pittsburgh: This should be a good game. I've been pretty impressed with Derek Anderson, and alot of the Chicago sports radio stations have mentioned him as someone the Bears should persue. We'll see how does against James Harrison and the Steelers' D though. Willie Parker, you motherfucker, you better break one off for a touchdown you clown. You have been a huge disappointment to the 3 Doors DownSyndrome (thanks to KSK for that beauty of a name). 31-23 Steelers

St. Louis @ New Orleans: What's worse? The current state of New Orleans or the Rams? Discuss. 41-10 Saints

Jacksonville @ Tennessee: Expect a fast game on the scoreboard as both teams are in the top five for rushing. I'll take Vince Young over Quinn whoeverthefuck anyday. 17-9 Titans

Philadelphia @ Washington: I don't trust either of these teams. However, I think the 'Skins are slightly better, so I'll go with them. 21-20 Redskins

Atlanta @ Carolina: Carolina is easily the worst team at .500. Testaverde is already hurt, and some pole smoker named Matt Moore could be playing in his place. I can't believe I'm typing this: 17-3 Falcons

Cincinnati @ Baltimore: It's a goddamn field of landmines this week exploding with shittyness in every matchup. I might end up wrong on how who wins, but I do know this: OVER/UNDER: 44.5, TAKE THE UNDER 20-17 Ravens

Detroit @ Arizona: God is on Jon Kitna's side, and it's showing more and more each week. 27-17 Lions

Cowboys @ Giants: Stop me if you've heard this one before; The Giants start out slow, win a bunch of games making everyone believe they're actually good. Then they suck again, limp into the playoffs and do nothing. Amazing how history repeats itself every year in New York. 35-28 Cowboys

Chicago @ Oakland: Could Cedric Benson actually see triple digits this Sunday? Probably not, but Oakland sucks. Don't get overly excited though, Bears fans, they're still not that good. 24-13 Bears

Indianapolis @ San Diego: Before the year started, I would have probably wanted to watch this game. Now, I could really care less because I already know what's going to happen. LINE: -4 IND 31-17 Colts

San Francisco @ Seattle: Whoever made the NFL schedule, please punch yourself in the nuts repeatedly from kickoff to the final seconds. This is pure garbage. 27-6 Seahawks

It's a date: Bulls vs. Pistons Live Blog Tonight

Hey Bulls Fans! (pretending I'm Stacey King) Mark your calenders dweebs, tonight Dr. C and myself will be hopefully live blogging the first Bulls victory in the 2007-08 season. Ha, who am I kidding? The Bulls will probably lose tonight and most likely won't be above .500 until mid-December, when I'll be semi-suicidal after they trade Andres Nocioni away. I expect tonight's game to be a low-scoring borefest, as each team will shoot somewhere around 30-35%. That should give us plenty of time to make fun of the following people:

1) Chris Duhon




2) Stacey King



3) Detroit's version of Chris Duhon, Ronald "Flip" Murray



4) Another homo who actually goes by the name "Flip" - Pistons head coach Flip Saunders



5) Ben Wallace



6) Tyrus Thomas



7) And lots, lots more Chris Duhon




So come on out and join us around 6:30pm, and don't forget to bring your sense of humor, it's the only thing that makes this year's Bulls games enjoyable.

Way To Go Wednesday

Damn is Megan Fox hot. I thought Transformers was pretty disappointing in my mind, but she sure as hell was not. Well, the firsts for WTGW keep happening. For this week's edition, no one is getting anything positive from Chicago Bull. Were handing out our first complete jagoff award after I just checked whitesox.com for the worst news of the week. After just reading this on the front page, my first Way To Go will be for none other then the White Sox GM:






Kenny Williams Re-signs Juan Uribe to 1-year deal:



Wipe that smirk off your face, you fucking prick; you just did the team the biggest disservice of the offseason imaginable. You could have gotten Eckstein over to play short, lead-off, and steal bases. He's a fucking World Series MVP in case you forgot, Ken. Instead, you sign a jackass back who barely hit .230, and couldn't get on base to save his dominican ass. I'm so pissed right now it's not even funny. There is nothing about Uribe that I like, or would any other right minded South Side fan either. I don't care if you get Jesus to play centerfield this year, you completely fucked this team over, pal. So WAY TO GO KENNY WILLIAMS, we'll have to see Uribe swing for the fences and miss another 200 times next season. Fuck, I can't wait. Next we head to:

Don Shula wants an asterisk if Pats go undefeated:



This is the second biggest joke of the week I've heard outside what's posted above. Do America a favor Shula, and shut the fuck up. Your 72' Dolphins only had to win 16 games to be undefeated. The Pats will have to win 19. If anything, it's your team that should be getting the asterisk. Way To Go Don Shula, your comments make a senile jackass!

LIVE-BLOG TOMORROW NIGHT: BULLS VS. PISTONS

Yes that's right, you can join the agony live as it happens tomorrow night here on Chicago Bull as the winless Bulls welcome the undefeated Detroit Pistons. Will the Bulls finally get their first win of the season as they get revenge on the Piss-ons? Will Tyrus Thomas make me break my laptop as I wanted to last night? All this and more as me and Noce curse the likes of a Chris Duhon turnover or a Ben Wallace shot attempt. Tip-off is set for 7pm, and I'll have things ready to roll just before tip-off so join in!!

Impromptu Live Blog?!?! Clippers vs. Bulls

It's my goal to do quite a few live Bulls blogs this season, so I figured by not announcing this I can kinda get a feel for it. I've live blogged baseball for Epic Carnival, and that wasn't too hard, but Basketball is up and down the floor, so we'll see how it goes. If it sucks, oh well. With that said, we pick up the action in the middle of the first quarter tied at 14 a piece.

Quick Notes heading into live action: Bulls have looked alot better so far in the first. Luol is attacking the basket more instead settling for bad shots. Defensively they seem to be playing more with more help on the weak side which is nice to see.

- Joakim Noah is getting ready to check in, lets see how the crowd responds..a few cheers, but nothing special

- Tyrus Thomas is fucking useless around the hoop. I don't understand how he thinks he has the little baby hook he keeps trying to use. Fuck Noah might be worse. Bulls currently lead by 2, 18-16; timeout

- Cuttino Mobley is killing the bulls in the first quarter. He's not missing. The guy has to be pushing mid-late 30's.

- Chris Kaman makes those dudes from the Cavemen show look like chippendale dances. He is one ugly muthafucka.

- Kirk Hinrich so far only one stupid foul. Amazing. I pegged him for at least two by now. It's the end of the first quarter, tied at 26.




START OF THE SECOND QUARTER:

See? Kaman would be a perfect fill-in.

- Joe Smith continues to knock down the 20-footer consistently this year. As I mentioned before in previous posts, I really hope he can stay healthy. It's an added dimension for the Bulls to drive and kick out with Gordon and Hinrich.

What the fuck just happened? I'm on the phone for not even 5 minutes, and the Bulls are now down 6. Fuck. Stacey King just showed a replay of Thabo with his head up his ass not paying attention, which allowed Al Thorton to easily lay it in. Noce hates when Stacey King does his "freeze it!".."Ok now roll it". I don't really have a problem with it. But then again, I've grown up listening to Hawk Harrelson say so much dumb shit that I don't even notice anymore.

- Cuttino Mobley continues to rape the Bulls. In the pregame they mentioned Corey Maggette alot; I haven't heard his name once. Clippers just went on a 13-0 run before Deng just got a lay-in. This team just went from looking good in the first quarter, to back to the team I've seen the past three games lose. Holy shit, Mobley has 21 points and there's 6 minutes left in the second. un-fucking-real.

- Hinrich looks lost trying to figure out Mobley, so he goes back to his best friend, the hack.

Fuck, Smith just walked off the court and into the locker room. Hope in one hand, shit in the other. Nocioni hits a three, and Tyrus Thomas? leads a fast break to Wallce for the finish, Bulls are getting back in this one quickly. The score is currently 49-43 with a little under 4 minutes to go. The Bulls cant hit shit from beyond three. Nocioni is the only one who's made one thus for.

- Darren Williams from the Clippers looks like one of the following: A: Peder ass, B: gay sailor, or C: Altar Boy who has been touched inappropiately several times. Either way, he sucks at life.

- THIS JUST IN: THOMAS CAN'T PASS FOR SHIT EITHER

- We have a Corey Maggette sighting; he misses both free throws. They just showed his parents on screen as he went to Fenwick High School. I could really give a fuck about his parents. Why am I seeing them? I would rather see fat chick blowing a clown at this point. Actually no, scratch that. I fucking hate clowns more, and the fact that one of them would be getting blown while sitting here typing does not a happy doctor make.

- Ben Wallace has a wide open lane down the middle, and the dumb fuck doesn't dunk it; he tries to finger roll it in and chokes. WOW. You're getting paid 60 million to play defense and dunk the ball you fucking incompetent doobie. Not try lay-ups and other fancy shit you're obviously incapable of.

The half ends ugly; Wallace gets an offensive board, and once again tries some circus shot that comes nowhere near the hoop. Lets review what've we talked about so far:

- Cuttino Mobley sold his soul to the devil for one last shot at a thirty point game in his late career, and Satan has accepted the offer.

- Whoever Darren Williams is, he was most likely touched several times in the naughty area by his priest, dressed as a gay sailor for halloween this year, and molests children as a result.

- Hinrich has two fouls, both terrible. Thomas and Wallce are like that Indian girl who has 8 appendages. Worthless.

- I fucking hate clowns.

THAT'S THE HALF: CLIPPERS 57, BULLS 52

I'm getting a good idea of how to go about this in the future, so stay posted; I'll be sure to announce something soon which will have an audience of Me, Noce, and random Jennifer Walcott lovers who stumbled on here probably thinking about jerking off.



START OF THE THIRD QUARTER:

Hey everybody - Noce here. Speaking of jerking off...I think that's what Dr. C is doing right now because he sure isn't contributing anything here. If you haven't been paying attention, you haven't missed much. Stacey King and Red just had a very confusing argument about Joakim Noah's chances of making the NBA All-Rookie team.

Haha, sorry I was jer...I mean I was having a cigarette.

Anyways, I'm here for the rest of the game, so have no fear.

- Thomas knocks down two free throws, and the Bulls get a steal leading to a Gordon lay-up...COME ON FUCKERS, LETS GO!!!!!

- Skiles calls a time-out after Kaman knocks down a 5 foot baseline shot, and the Clippers go back up 6. Everytime they get close, they find a way to give the ball up and let the Clippers stay ahead. This is more aggrevating then the fact Archuleta gets to fuck that broad above.

- A foul call that didn't go against the Bulls? Now that's some fucking news. Some Comcast sideline douchebag interviewed Maggette's parents, and it was fucking awful. This guy makes Jim Gray look reputable.

- GREAT JOB COMCAST!! During a stupid ass replay, Hinrich scores and I have no idea what happened.

Motherfuck, how many times do the Bulls have to choke away any chance they get to tie this shit?

- Question: Why does Ben Wallace, a professional athlete, never have to practice or attempt free throw shooting? He looks like a kid with down syndrome who gets to shoot for the fact of his disability. I'll be pondering that question as we head to a timeout, CLIPPERS 70, BULLS 69 with 3:49 left in the third.

- Glad to see Joe Smith is back on the court. On the floor currently is Hinrich, Gordon, Smith, Noah, and Deng. Game is tied at 70, and Hinrich, yep you guessed it, gets called for an offensive foul.

- Son of a Bitch, Noah tries a jumper from 15 and can't hit. I don't think he's scored tonight. Overall, he's shown he can be a good hustle player, but he really needs help on the offensive end. He, like Thomas should be shooting 200 times a practice to start to develop something that can complement what the Bulls do.

- THANK YOU FOR SHOWING UP LUOL!!!! Deng knocks down two jumpers in a row, and the Bulls finally are back in the lead by two. 20 bucks says Mike Dunleavy has ED. He just has the look in face right now if that if he could finally have sex with his wife, alot of wrongs in his life would be righted.

- I didn't even realize Paul Davis was drafted by the Clippers. The guy was a pussy at Michigan State, and an even bigger one now. Ruben Patterson, the consistent criminal scores before the end of the quarter, and the Bulls head into the fourth down by two. The hustle is there; they just need to make the most of every opportunity right now. If they go 0-4 I might piss blood tonight.



START OF THE FOURTH QUARTER:

There was a commercial for the WWE, and the first thing that popped in my head was Stacy Keibler. If I only I had her walking past me with a brick in my hand during a dark night. Anyways, back to the action.

- Joe Smith knocks down some free throws, and the Bulls lead by one. Noah caught an inbound with two seconds on the shot clock, and took four to put it up. KNOW HOW MUCH TIME YOU HAVE LEFT JACKASS!!!

- Thabo Selfolosha shooting jump shots excites me as much as my first child being born with no fingers.

- Duhon does a nice job of getting to the charity stripe, and hits both, BULLS 78, CLIPPERS 75...we have a time-out..WHERE? on the court...OH (SHOUT OUT TO SIU)

- Great statistic put up by Comcast; 2nd Chance Points: Bulls 19, Clippers 6. Man have the Clippers gone ice cold in the second half. Seems like they can't hit anything right now. Johnny Red Kerr comments the Clips are 1 for 6 from 3-points in the second half.

- Joe Smith is the offense right now for the Bulls; they're just giving him the ball and going nowhere near him. 13 points, 5 boards in 20 minutes. What's pissing me off at the moment is both teams are just settling for bad jump shots. They seem to trade possession after possession.

We have a one point game at the 5:38 mark, 82-81 BULLS. Joe Smith just got fouled; hits both, BULLS up again by 3.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!! Wallace was guarding Kaman, got his hand in on the ball for three seconds, and instead of calling a jump ball, the jackass ref calls a foul. COMPLETE BULLSHIT

YESSSSS!!!! GORDON WITH A THREE, BULLS UP BY FOUR!!!

- Gordon gets blocked by Kaman, leads to a Maggette dunk, and were all tied up with 2:20 left in the game. FUCK!!!!! Maggette hits a three on top of that, and the Clippers are now up by 3. Damn you Corey Maggette for lying in the weeds until the end of the game.

- Tim Thomas misses a three, makes a beautiful behind the back save out of bounds to get it back in; Mobley continues his pillaging of the Bulls. This is not looking good. 94-89 CLIPPERS with 59.7 seconds left. The Bulls have been throwing up complete garbage. Hinrich, seriously what was that weak ass lay-up?

- Maggette throws up a three, it rims in and out, Smith with the rebound, immediately calls a 20 second timeout. Stacey King is already making excuses for the Bulls, saying they played better tonight; yes they have, but they choked away plenty of opportunities to take this game and run away.

- Gordon throws up a three and bricks. 30 seconds left, and Cuttino "The Cat" is at the line. Makes his first, game pretty much over. Misses the second.

- Gordon goes to the line, hits two free throws, Bulls immediately foul on the inbound. Gordon takes 8 seconds to lose the handle on the ball, and the Bulls are now 0-4.

FINAL SCORE: CLIPPERS 97, BULLS 91

If you happened to catch any of this while it happened, I thank for you joining in. I will most likely be live-blogging the Pistons-Bulls match-up on Thursday; so if you happen to take a look at this tomorrow, join us. Because I would enjoy more people being pissed off at the lack offensive prowess Tyrus Thomas possesses or how Luol Deng has yet to show up outside of two jumpers today.

NFL Week 9: Standings and Analysis

I can't remember the last time I cut into Noce's lead. In fact last week, I fell behind by another game, putting me back 7 now. Fuck you Cincinnati. I'm picking against you every week. Unless you're playing the Jets. Then I can't. But otherwise, fuck you. We head into the second half of the season, and while we could hand out 1st half awards, I'll leave to SI.com's Don Banks as I pretty much agree with everything he goes with in the article. Let's take a look at the standings, and get on with week 9 analysis:

STANDINGS:

NOCE: 87-41
DR. C: 80-48

Individual Performance of the Week: This goes without needing mention. It's Purple Jeezy all the way.

Most Impressive Team: This goes without needing mention also. It's the team that's going jam Don Shula's asterisk up his ass.

Least Impressive Team: When you lose to Atlanta, that's really bad. San Francisco started out 2-0, and haven't won a game since. Alex Smith could possibly worse then Rex Grossman, and Frank Gore is a fantasy terrorist for blowing up my team and leaving them wayside. This team seriously sucks, and I don't see how it could be possibly getting any better anytime soon. You can put the Bay Area up along with Chicago for having a shitty 2007 sports year.