Your 2008 AL Central Champs: Chicago White Sox

It's 10:30 now here in Chicago, and I must have seen the A.J. Pierzynski tag on Michael Cuddyer at least 25 times by now, and I plan on watching it at least 25 more times tonight.

What a prick.

It almost seems like you can see him say to Cuddyer "you're out" after showing him the ball. And I fucking love it.

You would be hard pressed to find a player more hated by every fan base in the Amercian League and here on the north side of town then Anthony John Pierzynski. AROD? Close, but no cigar. And it's the little things that he does that make me as a White Sox fan think of him as a complete prick but at the same time love him for what he does.

With Cuddyer at third, Danks threw a pitch in the dirt that A.J. lost track of for a mere second, but had the baseball I.Q. to try to fake Cuddyer out as though he had lost the ball. It's the little things that A.J. has done, from running to first after the "dropped" third strike in game 2 of the ALCS, and more recently him drawing the interference call against the Rays whom they will face Thursday in Tampa.

Looking back on the season, there's three things have have really stuck out as to how they got to the postseason:

- The maturation of Danks and Floyd
- The emergence of Quentin and Ramirez
- The veteran leadership of Thome and Konerko

First: Danks and Floyd. I'm not going to reiterate how they came over, because if you're a sox fan, and you're reading this blog...you should know. If you don't; put your cubs hat back on. Danks was shut down in September last year for scuffling so bad, and when the Sox traded Garcia to Floyd, you'd of thought they'd were having parades in the streets of Philly to get rid of Gavin. That just goes to show you this season what Don Cooper means to this staff. To turn Garcia, Garland, Contreras, Danks, Floyd all into pitchers whom you would rather not face when they're on.

Second: Quentin and Ramirez. Both of these guys were nowhere near the discussion of being apart of this team heading into the season. So what did they did do once given the chance to play everyday? Combine for 58 home runs and over 175 RBI's. Before Quentin broke his wrist, he was the leading MVP candidate for the AL, and while Longoria in my mind deserves the AL ROY, the Cuban Missile made it very close in the long run. Without these two, the end up tied with the Royals for 4th place if not worse.

Third: Thome and Konerko: Let's face it: they didn't do a whole lot when you look at he broad spectrum. HOWEVER, they made it happen when they needed to. Konerko started off decent enough until he hurt his hand and then his oblique, which made him powerless for a good two months. After he got back, he struggled mightly until the end of August when he helped J.D. get the team the AL Central lead up 2 and a half games. Thome? You saw what happened tonight.

This was a team that nobody predicted would do shit, and the same goes to the Minnesota Twins, who in my opinion should have been the winner of the division.

The coin flip rule is complete horse shit. The Twins were 10-8 versus the Sox, and this game should have been played in the house of horrors that is the Metrodome. I sure as shit will not complain, but if the circumstances were flipped, this is what I would bitching about.

Twins fans, if you're pissed, I completely understand.

That said: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

FUCK YOU!!!!

I'm very excited for the playoffs starting on Thursday in another house of horrors that is the Trop, but at the same time; this is an awesome game to watch.

One of my friends texted me after the 5th inning ended that this was the most exciting game he had ever seen (sarcasm alert for retards). I texted back that it was very similar to game 4 of the '05 series that didn't have a run scored until the top of the 8th thanks to a J.D. single that scored Willie Harris.

Although the go ahead run was a 461-ft blast to center instead of a single to center, the end result remained the same with similar spectacular plays in the 9th.

Instead of Juan Uribe diving into the stands to record the second out of the inning, it was Brian Anderson making a great diving catch to end the game, capping the division that seemed so far gone after the 3 game sweep less then a week before.

I have no idea what Ozzie's pitching match-ups for the season will be, but here's my inebriated suggestion:

Game 1: Vazquez
Game 2: Buehrle
Game 3: Floyd
Game 4: Danks
Game 5: Buehrle

Vazquez has been pitching like a fuckface recently, but he has the freshest arm, and if you lose game 1, not a big deal. You'll still have your more consistent 3 ahead of him pitching the rest of the way. I would also have no problem with pitching Clayton Richard (aka Clay Dick) in game 1. Richard seems more likely to have a good 5 innings then Vazquez would given what we've seen lately.

For the first time in 102 years, the Cubs and White Sox will be participating in October, and while I don't really like the Cubs, I'll be watching both teams very closely. Part of me hates the Cubs, and the other part doesn't have a problem with them because so many of my friends are die hard Cubs fans.

I want my friends to get the feeling of winning a World Series, and the other part wants them to go to fall classic only to fall on their fucking face. It's a very fine line with the Cubs. But no matter what happens in the long run: this has been a very special summer in Chicago for the entire city.

May the best team win...and may the White Sox prevail.

We're Screwed

It was bad enough losing Quentin. The frail, single game lead that the Sox hold heading into tonight's game is as strong as Paulie's twisted knee. What a fucking turn of events this year has been for the White Sox. Starting the year out with low expectations from everyone outside of the clubhouse, to claiming first place in May and fighting back and forth with the Twins for the past month.

"No...not like this." I believe those were the words of switch as she watched Apok (aka Quentin) suddenly dropped by Cypher in the Matrix. She, like Paulie fell immediately thereafter. The problem is this isn't the Matrix (or is it???)

No, it's not. We don't have a Nemo. We have Clay fucking Dick pitching. I just realized I spent the last 5 minutes staring at the screen thinking about the season. The Blow-Up Doll incident. The Cuban Missile starting a crisis around the league. The trade for the old man in center. The game in Detroit where JD hit the go ahead run in the 9th. Yelling at Swish from bleachers in center.

It's been a fun ride this season to watch the Sox materialize out of nowhere. But to have abruptly taken away just like that is what really sucks. If they played themselves out of it, I would have still been pissed but at least they had the components that got them there.

Now? Fuck, even Chris Getz just broke his wrist. This team couldn't stay out of harms way right now even if it tried. Next to go will be Dye from a slip in the shower, followed by Thome who gets his nuts shattered by a slider that runs in on him.

Sure, they could still possibly hang on (no, not really) and win the central division. But who fucking cares about central title? Congrats kid, here's a fucking Chinese finger trap for all these shitty tickets you spent 20 dollars to get.

It's worthless. What mattered was they had the firepower offensive to make up for a shitty start from Vazquez in an ALDS game, or a blown hold from Dotel in a pivotal game seven. They had the fight this year that wasn't even evident at the start of the '07 season. Swisher and Cabrera gave this team the boost it needed to get somewhere, and for the most part they did that. While I would have liked to seen Swisher hit for better average, he's had a decent BABIP.

Cabrera despite all his bitching about the official scoring of his errors/hits played a great shortstop. He, like Swisher, started off very slowly at the plate, but managed to use July and August to boost his batting average.

And the pitching. Danks. Floyd. Linebrink (before the issues). Everyone contributed to make the staff turn it around, and the bullpen was and has been one of the best in the league.

While I will still continue to watch every game until the end of the season, my excitement is deflated, defeated and de..fuck it.

Sunday feels like a long way away.

So...Anyone Want The A.L. Central?

With the Twins losing 9 of their last 12 (including last night's sweep by the Jays), and the Sox having lost 5 of their last 7, you have to wonder which of these two bumbling front runners is actually going to come away with the division title.

The Sox are starting a 10 game homestand with the Halos, followed by the Blue Jays in for 4, then Detroit for a weekend series. After that, it's 10 on the road, with the final 3 in what will most likely be the decisive 3 game series in Minnesota that decides the title.

While I'm glad the Sox have a game and half lead at this point, I get the general feeling from other Sox fans I've talked to that we all suspect no October baseball for the Pale Hose, and here's why:

CARLOS QUENTIN'S WRIST IS HURT: Of all the things bad that could/may happen, this is up there. Quentin is 2-14 in his past four games in which he played with no homers or RBI's. Granted a four game stretch of such numbers is not all that cautionary, but it may be an indicator of his wrist pain. Paul Konerko had a hand injury in May, and went 24 games before hitting a long one again.

Dye has been having a sensational year, Thome has been Thome, and Paulie is back to hitting again, but this team has been all Quentin all year, and can't afford to lose him for a long stretch during this 24-game period.

DANKS' TANK IS RUNNING LOW: My fear documented here.

THE SOX DON'T DO WELL AGAINST CONTENDERS THIS YEAR: Good point by whitesox.com beat writer Scott Merkin:

Since June 20 - the start of a three-game Cubs Interleague sweep at Wrigley Field - the White Sox have a 1-4-1 series record in matchups against current playoff-bound teams.

They followed the Wrigley sweep with a three-game whitewash of their own at U.S. Cellular Field of the National League Central leaders. There also were three losses in four games at the Metrodome, from July 28-31, a home loss to the Rays and a loss at Fenway Park last weekend. The Red Sox and the White Sox split a four-game set in Chicago from Aug. 8-11.

The City of Big Shoulders and Tired Arms

HOG Butcher for the World,
Tool Maker, Stacker of Wheat,
Player with Railroads and the Nation's Freight Handler;
Stormy, husky, brawling,
City of the Big Shoulders:

These were the words penned by Carl Sandberg in the poem "Chicago" 92 years ago. If they were reflecting the current state of Chicago today, it might read something more like this:

Owner of Moo and Oink,
Tool Maker, Stacker of Old Autos,
Players with nagging injuries and sore arms;
Stormy, husky, brawling, (and whatever other adjectives that the Sun-Times likes to describe the weather on any particular day. Today? WAN)
City of Big Shoulders..which might need further examining.

Despite both teams leading or owning a piece of their Central division leads, it's ominous times on both the north and south side. Zambrano heading to the othropedist today. Quentin sitting out with a sore hand. Harden capable of breaking at any moment. Danks looking like Big Brown down the stretch at the Belmont.

Yes, it's not looking good right now. While the Sox have "something missing" according to Ozzie on a cut this morning on Mully and Hanley, the Cubs aren't looking that much better. Sure, they have the best record in the MLB thus far, but that doesn't mean they couldn't have an epic choke like the Mets last year, holding a 7 game lead over the Phillies on September 12th before not making the play-offs.



As we look ahead to the final 3 weeks of the season, the White Sox will have 13 games at home, and 11 on the road if you include today. Their second to last series of the year will be a 3-game set in Minnesota which the Sox do not want to be the deciding factor.

The Cubs will spend 16 of their final 23 on the road, two more 3 games sets against Milwaukee (1 in Chicago, other in Milwaukee).

The city with big shoulders and tired arms is accompanied with nervous thoughts, habitual chain smoking and lots of muttered cursing today.

Danger John Danks! Danger!

After watching John Danks last night struggle to hit 91 on the gun last night while throwing the ball anywhere other then A.J. wanted, my personal Sox terror level elevated somewhere to in between guarded and elevated.

With his 27th game started last night (one more then last year), the big concern that popped into my head was this: is Danks starting wear down? Mark Gonzalez apparently was thinking the same after the game and asked Danks the same thing:

"Danks insisted his left arm feels fine after throwing a professional-high 1602/3 innings..."My breaking stuff wasn't there. It just wasn't there. My changeup was up. I was just flat-out bad."

I would believe him at this point; everyone has off nights. But to play Devil's advocate do you really think he would admit to having a tired arm to a beat writer? Yeah Mark, my arm is complete jello right now. I've been working with Coop on how to throw a vaseline ball just like Harris in Major League. I've been wiping my nose but apparently that's not going to work.

The same can be wondered at this point for Gavin Floyd as well. Floyd has also pitched 160 innings to this point, but with far less innings pitched in a season then Danks (70 IP last yr). Despite going 3-0 for August, his ERA over the month (4.97) was a run higher then his previous high water mark this year.

Danks and Floyd have combined for a 24-13 record on the year with a combined ERA of 3.50 which is far beyond I would have imagined heading into the season at this point as well as many other Sox fans I assume as well. But with 5 weeks left in the season, and 5 more starts for each pitcher, their great accomplishments this year will not be remembered if they start to wear down with the "Piranyas" nipping at the Sox heels.

The Sox need Danks and Floyd now more then ever to keep the breathing room they have on not only the Twins, but the Red Sox and Rays for a playoff birth. Let's hope there's still enough fuel in the tank for these two keep it going. The Sox certainly don't need more Clayton Richard's up here running around.

Tight Pennant Race? More Booze For Ozzie, Please

I can identify with Ozzie Guillen for many reasons other then just being the manager of the White Sox. He likes to speak his mind, and does so with lots of profanity just like me...Hmm, on the other hand Ozzie is Venezulean, married, has kids, played in the majors and makes millions. I'm white, single, no kids (that I know of), played little league and make thousands. Maybe that's the only thing. Oh wait, we also share the need to kick back with a copious amount of booze to unwind from a stressful day at work.

Whether it's fitting in with others:
"I am their friend. If they don't buy me a beer, they disrespect me."

Making a decision on tough issues:
"I don't know," Guillen said. "I need to get drunk and think about it."

Or celebrating:
"The only thing I remember is the base hit [Alexei] Ramirez got yesterday to right field to win the game," Guillen said of the Sox' thrilling victory Sunday over the Tampa Bay Rays -- the AL East's new first-place team. "There was a lot of vodka between that game and today, believe me."

Ozzie and Dr. C agree that there's nothing like a good stiff drink. But what I'm being to wonder:

Do you think Ozzie has ever been drunk while coaching? Baseball would be the easiest sport to get hammered and not really have anyone notice. You've got 9 innings to sober if you get drunk before hand, and with a couple mints you'd be good to go for postgame interviews.

And besides, Ozzie's so fucking crazy who would even be able to tell if was half in the bag?

Thanks For Winning, Don't Let The Door Hit You In The Ass On Your Way Out

Did anyone else flash back to Office Space like I just did when I heard the news about Lance Broadway being sent back down to AAA after getting the win yesterday?

Michael Bolton: Peter, you're in deep shit. You were supposed to come in on Saturday. What were you doing?
Peter Gibbons: Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be.
Michael Bolton: Yeah well if you keep that up your ass is going be fired.

That's right. Clayton Richard (0-2, 10.38 ERA, 2.23 WHIP) appears to be heading back for an encore on the South Side despite doing his best not earn the promotion (at least for now).

Broadway's numbers from yesterday? 5.1 IP, 5 H, 2 ER, 1 K, 1.24 WHIP). In Richard's three starts, he has:

A. Not gotten past the 5th inning.
B. Not given up less then 4 earned.
C. Given up at least 7 hits.

Broadway did better then him in all three of the listed Alpha above.

"He did a good job, a tremendous job," Guillen said. "Better than we expected. He threw strikes. He came up big in tough situations. He ate up innings. He got the win. What could be better than that? I think this game was big, and he stepped it up and did his job."

So why is he leaving?

"Right now we're in a situation where I have a problem with the bullpen the next few days," Guillen said.

So to correct this problem, you get the worst fucking arm possible? Richard would not be up here if Boonie was so fucked in the head right now, and I would have to believe that Richard will be sent back to Charlotte after the 3 games series to bring Broadway back for what would be his next on Tuesday in Seattle.

Let's hope so. Because this move makes about as much as sense as promoting Peter Gibbons for his fine work.

Back up in your ass with the resurrection.

NO SECOND HALF BLOG

Alright...I really want to watch the Sox right now even though they're losing 4-1 in the bottom of the fourth (but no outs so far). For everyone who was following along, thanks for participating (I'm looking at you Noce, you were a savior for a little bit). If you were actually drinking and are now pissed Im not posting, go fuck yourself, you have the rules.

Worst. Fight. EVER.

In case you didn't see this, I figured I would throw it up here for you. DJ Carrasco has cemented his vote for toughest man alive. Just watch the quickness of his right hand as he knocks Miguel Olivo unconscious. Stunning.

Griffey Jr. To Sox; Good Move? **UPDATE**

After flirting with the idea of bringing a man with one of the sweetest swings in the history of baseball for a few years, Kenny Williams has finally landed Ken Griffey Jr., pending his approval. While the deal awaits a thumbs up or down from Jr., a few things can already be concluded from this unexpected move.

A: Enjoy your vacation, Paulie.
B: Aaron Poreda, Jack Egbert or Lance Broadway will be leaving the system.
C: Kenny is convinced Jose Contreras will be able to regain his form for the playoff push and thereafter.

Contreras threw off the mound for the second day in a row on Wednesday, and Sun-Times beat reporter Joe Cowley said he's heard Contreras has been able to throw all of his pitches well.

Are you stunned as I am with this move? It's been pretty obvious that Konerko is thinking way too much in his at-bats, and the weight of the whole situation for him is negating what progress he has been able to make at the plate. Paulie has been hitting the ball pretty hard as of late, but unfortunately right at the defense.

Contreras' health is going to be a major cog in the White Sox wheel if they are to hold off Minnesota and win their third division title in eight years. The starting rotation has not been as reliable recently as they were in the first couple months, and the same can be said for the bullpen.

Boone Logan has had some issues, and Linebrink doesn't appear to be heading back to the squad until mid-August. That leaves alot of responsibility on Matt Thornton, D.J. Carrasco, and Octavio Dotel to get the job done.

As for Griffey, there's no way he can be expected to play everyday centerfield. Not a chance. Could you imagine how horrible it would be to have Griffey blow out his knee two weeks in? This move will undoubtedly lead to even more playing time for BA. In Konerko's vacated position, it looks like it will be split between Nick Swisher and...Jim Thome. Yikes.

Jimmy has played first base 4 times since arriving in 06', and has yet to this year.

That will change.

This move is definitely an upgrade over Konerko. While Griffey is only batting .245, he has 15 HR's, 53 RBI's, and would be bringing along a 12 game hitting streak. Two things that worry me: his durability at 38 years of age, and who the Sox will be giving up.

UPDATE: The Sox will be trading 2B Danny Richar and LRP Nick Masset, and will not have to touch any of the pitching prospects I listed.

This is an even better trade for the Sox. Richar wasn't going to be coming up anytime soon with Alexei playing the he has, and Masset hasn't been doing much of anything lately.

Can't We Just Get Along?

The scene: Huntley, IL. A seemingly innocent birthday party on a Saturday afternoon. Two year olds are playing, their parents and friends - avid Cubs fans with a few White Sox fans mixed in - are boozing like there's no tomorrow.

You know what pisses me off? Sesame Street. Fuck that stupid Big Bird. If you're a bird, why don't you go fucking fly somewhere? Take snuffle-whatever-the-fuck with you. I'm sooo pissed off right now. Oh look, the Cubs' game is on.

Damnit though, I'm still pissed. Either I'm kicking Big Bird ass, or I'm settling for a Sox fan. Hey, look at this guy..Hey you..you a Sox fan?! Hey Maciej and Blogusaw, this guy likes Sesame Street and the Sox!! Come here you prick!

HUNTLEY, Ill. - McHenry County authorities say three Chicago Cubs fans face felony battery charges after allegedly beating a Chicago White Sox fan so badly he lost his right eye.

The men are accused of beating 32-year-old Robert Steele of Gurnee during a 2-year-old girl's Sesame Street-themed birthday party.

Police said Monday the men were drinking alcohol at the July 19th party and taunting Steele.

They say Steele was kicked in the head and his nose was broken. He stayed several days at an Elgin hospital.

Thirty-one-year-old Jaroslaw Czapla, 37-year-old Boguslaw Czapla and 33-year-old Maciej Trojnar face mob action and aggravated battery charges.

Jaroslaw Czapla's number is unlisted. There were no listings for Boguslaw Czapla or Trojnar.

When I think Key Division Match-Ups, I Think Munson Vs. Big Ern

That's right, both the Cubs and White Sox have a huge four game series on the road with the teams that are nipping on their heels.

I would take the time to expand more on each series, but I have too much actual work to do (and by work, I mean read other people blogs). So, I'll go the lazy route and let Phil Rogers take care of the Cubs-Brewers series. For the White Sox-Twins, I give you Scott Merkin.

Paging Dr. Green: Wood and Contreras Head To DL

Kerry Wood and Jose Contreras will be enjoying the pine for a while as both were sent to the disabled list retroactively. For Wood, a blister on his right index finger means his 12th trip in his career, and one that could be putting my prediction about him going on the DL once for the season in peril. I figured he would be bound to go on there at some point, and this isn't too bad of news for Cubs fans. He's had blisters on the same hand before and returned fine. Were it inflammation or something of that nature, then there would be cause for concern.

Such is the case for Jose Contreras, who is being shut down for Elbow tendenitis after sporting an 8.60 ERA over this last seven starts.

"I wasn't too pleased the way he handled the situation," Guillen said. "He didn't let (trainer) Herm Schneider know, myself or (pitching coach Don) Cooper know, and he continued to pitch that way. When you're hurt, you're not helping the ballclub. I don't want any of my players to go out with pain and try to be a hero.

"I was — I don't want to say upset — a little disappointed when one of my players is hiding stuff for no reason."

Ozzie should be pissed off. If you're fucking hurt, say something. If it's effecting your pitching, take a break. Look at Freddy Garcia when he started having issues. His velocity was way down, and he was getting jacked. Same can be said for Contreras.

The White Sox called up D.J. Carrasco over the weekend, and he pitched 3 scoreless innings yeseterday against Kansas City in the loss. I would tell you more about him, but I was asleep the entire afternoon trying to sleep off the terrible hangover I had from Saturday night. And after that game, I glad I didn't watch because I would have felt shittier.

Let's See How Those Cubs-Sox 08' Predictions Are Going

At the end of March as you may or may not recall, I figured I would make some stupid predictions in which I hoped would come true so I could call myself a genius. With the season entering the second half, let's take a look back at my jackassery (which will probably be changed to a different word because Noce is a word nazi. You worked at the Daily Illni, I get it. Stop giving me your high and mighty bullshit because you use proper nouns.)

WHITE SOX:

Jose Contreras will win 15 games: at 7-6 it's a possibility, but highly unlikely. He should end up pretty close though. Contreras had a better second half last year, but given how shitty he was, that's not hard. You'll recall in 05' he had an absolutely stellar first half, and then cooled off. He's on pace for around 238 IP, and that's not a good thing.

Joe Crede will be on the Sox after the trading deadline: I doubt they would package Crede with the way he's played, and especially with Fields not exactly ripping the cover off the ball in Charlotte. To play Devil's advocate, he's the best trading piece the Sox have right now. I'm not sure where they would need to improve thanks to Alexei Ramirez and the best league ERA for a bullpen.

AJ Pierzynski and Paul Konerko will not be in Sox uniforms by the deadline: Did you hear that? I just punched myself in the nuts. And it was well deserved to think the Sox would trade A.J. Win some, lose some. Fucking awful. Anyways, Konerko is a 10/5 guy (10 years MLB experience, 5 years with the same team) and has the right to veto any trade he doesn't like. Who could use him? How about the Rays? Carlos Pena has spent most of the year on the DL (like Konerko hasn't? just saying though). While they be reluctant to take on that much of a financial commitment, he'd sure as shit be an improvement over Ben Zobrist for the surprising Rays.

CUBS:

Fukudome will struggle for the first half, and turn in a stellar second half to win Rookie of the Year. He came out of the gates hitting every thing, but is now down .279 which isn't too bad. He was project to be in the .280 to .300 range, so he's right there. He also leads all NL rookies with a .383 OBP. However, Geovanny Soto would have to be the front runner for the title.

The Cubs will have the division wrapped up on September 4th: I still think this is the right date. The Cardinals are 4 back, Brewers 5. CC Sabathia is not enough to make up the distance, and the Brew Crew will need to win most of their 10 games upcoming against the Cubs in the second half. While 7 of those will be in Milwaukee including the final 3 of the season, it may not matter by that point.

Finally, the boldest call of them all: Kerry Wood will only go on the 15 day DL once. So far, so good. Same can be said for Wood's performance in the closer's role this year. He's had a couple blown saves, but overall has been very effective.

Reuters Just Keeps Giving The Goods

A post about the two great comebacks by the White Sox this past two days? Meh. A post about the Cubs signing their first pick in the draft? Not really.

A post about a drunk who decides to become a firefighter? Now were fuckin' talking!

Firefighters called to a blaze at an apartment building in a southern German town were astonished to discover a fully equipped extremely drunk imposter in their ranks, police said on Thursday.

On hearing the alarm, the 38-year-old man had rushed to the fire station, was helped into protective clothing and helmet by unsuspecting firefighters and boarded the fire engine, a spokesman for Suedhessen police said.

After arriving at the apartments, firefighters quickly realized the man was an imposter and called the police, he added.

"When fire breaks out, it's all hands on deck!" the man told officers when questioned about his motives. He was released without charge after sobering up overnight in a police cell.

When a fire breaks out, it's all hands on deck. When a fight breaks out in the White Sox dugout, it's all hands on Orlando Cabrera. Good Job Contreras. It's the first hitter you've held in check all year.

Vote For Your Favorite All-Stars Like...Jerry Owens?

I have exercised my right as a United States citizen to vote one time. I was 18 when I cast my ballot for some local primary race. I had no clue who I voted for, who they were, what they stood for...nothing. I voted simply because I could. I have not voted since, mainly because I could give a fuck less who runs this country.

Now ask me to vote on something like the MLB All-Star game, and I'm all for it. Early and often, as the term goes. So being on the internets, I felt it necessary to be a good homer and vote for my favorite White Sox players. I even voted for a couple Cubs players on the NL side.

When I got to the ballot, the AL side was first. Let's see here, I'll go A.J. (click), Justin Morneau (click), and so on till I got to the outfielders. Ok, I definitely want Dye (click). Hmm...I guess I'll go Manny (click). Alright, Quentin...Quentin...Quentin...

Not there. At all.

While MLB.com does not approve of Carlos Quentin, it did have the obligatory three White Sox players. You see, MLB.com has fucking had it with this slow ass station-to-station hit home runs or don't score at all product on the south side.


They want excitement. They want speed. They want...Jerry Owens.

That's right, a man who hasn't played in the majors this year.

19 HR's and 61 RBI's? Garbage. A man with a bad groin? That's entertainment.

Granted, you can write Quentin's name in, but fuck, get with the times MLB.com. I hope someone got fired for this bonehead error, or at very least had to sit through every Juan Uribe at-bat...I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

Buehrle's 1,000th Strikeout Was Technically Difficult

Mark Buehrle as it stands probably ranks as my fourth favorite White Sox player of all-time, behind Robin Ventura, Frank, and Paulie. So as he approached the milestone of 1,000 strikeouts, I was excited to watch. That is, until Buehrle threw a pitch so complex, so amazing, so astounding, that Comcast simply imploded upon his 80 mph of fucking sickness. That's right. No one in Chicago saw it happen. If it were his 3,000th strikeout I would have been really pissed. Problem is, he'll never reach that. Buehrle is not a strikeout pitcher. It's quite the stretch to imagine he'll even hit 2,000. He's already pitched over 1,700 innings in 9 years of work.

It really would have pissed me off if this happen in the last at-bat of his no hitter last year. And really, it's something that'll even if I did see it, I would most likely forget it. But it would have been nice to see a pitch so good that it collapsed a cable broadcast for 30 seconds.

An Open Notice To Orlando Cabrera

Dear Orlando,

I went to the Chicago White Sox baseball game at 35th and Shields on the south side of the city on Sunday. It was cold out, and I was hung over from too many Jack and Cokes the night before. I was excited to go my first game of the year and see you and Swisher out in the field. The opening song came on with all the highlights through the year which gave me goosebumps as usual (the shaking part I attribute to booze). Anyways, I was pretty sure before you came up to the plate you might go with a little salsa music like Jose Valentin used to do. Who knows. Then you hit with me it. You had to go and choose this song as your at bat introduction:

Absolutely fucking awful. The McDonalds of rock bands. Fucking Canadians. I'm no longer you buddy, guy. You've been fucking up my fantasy team too, which makes me even more upset. Outside a homerun that put the Sox up for a win over the Tigers, you're dead to me. Change your music and start hitting. Then we'll talk.

No longer yours truly,

Dr. C

Chris Singleton Debuts On Baseball Tonight, Surprisingly Doesn't Suck Too Bad

Royals....and the White Sox....tied....four to four....in the top of the sixth....Holy Shit was Singleton awful on the radio. His pauses were awkward, his insight horrible, his ability to carry on a conversation with Farmer: fucking god awful. Yet with the infinite wisdom over at the 'Leader, they hired him immediately. Amazingly, Singleton hasn't left me with much to take issue with thus far. I watched the entire program on Sunday night, and while he seemed to pick and choose when to come up with a "dynamite drop-in, Monty" he did alright. I guess when you only have to hear little snip-its of him talk, it's not too bad.

Stone and Farmer have been a good listen thus far. Stoney provides actual insight and tells you what to expect, which is the exact opposite of Singleton's style of speech/thought. While "analysts" like Emmitt Smith will make Singleton seem like the voice of God, I'm still not sold on him in Bristol. Just wait until they have him do some work on their left field fundamentals desk. Next thing you know, you'll be hearing more of....when you go....to lay down a bunt....you want to grab the bat....and put it....on the ball.

Kudos to 670 the Score for making Sox games listenable again. Now if Comcast could just find a way to kill DJ. This stupid fucking nickname "O-Do-Tel" makes want to strangle a homeless beagle. So I ask you: who's worse, Singleton or DJ???

Nice Pitch, Asshole

Strikes out Jeter only to serve the finest meat to Abreu. As a result, my remote control is now broken. Kill Yourself.

PS: Noce is in Vegas, so it will be just me posting the rest of the week...oh wait, I'm the only one who does shit for this blog? Nevermind, more of the same!!!