Stick a fork in 'em

See that picture? Wondering who it is? I'll give you a hint, it's not Heath Ledger. It's the 2007-2008 Season for the Chicago Bulls, figuratively that is. The team that was everyone's favorite to not only win the Central Division, but the entire Eastern Conference is officially buttfucked now that Luol Deng is apparently going to be 'shelfed' for a 'significant amount of time'.

I wonder what is hurting Luol more, his achilles or his ego? This is a very McGrady-like move and not one I would expect from a player who had been all about the good of the team until this season. Maybe you should have taken the $57.5 MILLION that the Bulls were offering before the season started, Luol.

It's obvious to anyone who has watched him play this year that his mind has not been focused on basketball. Against the Grizzlies on Monday, Deng played his worst to date; taking bad, off-balanced shots on offense and falling asleep on defense. Where's the potential All Star that was supposed to come into his own this year and help lead this team?

And don't even start blaming this all on Scott Skiles. All he did was take a team that was 4-12 after 16 games in 2003-2004 and turn them into a 47-win team in 2004-2005. Skiles did the best with what he had to work with.



I'm sure he had plenty of low-post plays that would have worked very well but who's going to fucking execute them? Aaron Gray? Gray may be a suprise talent but lets face it, he's too slow to get back on defense and is not nearly what LaMarcus Aldridge could have been for the Bulls. I think it's safe to say the Tyrus Thomas experiment is a bust. Again, he's a good young talent, but beyond dunks and the occasional block, what good is he?

I'm sick of looking at the lineup the Bulls have on the court and immediately counting out two players because they possess zero offensive skills. That's exactly what happens when Ben Wallace and Thabo Sephalosha are out there. You just cannot count on them to score. Thabo has shown signs that he can put the ball in the hoop, but he is prone to turnovers and that just doesn't help when you have Ben Gordon chucking up shit from anywhere he can't get blocked and Kirk Hinrich looking to dribble like he's on a fucking AndOne Mix tape.



And why is it that Hinrich hasn't figured out that Ben Wallace can't do shit when given the ball? He's the only one who still consistently passes to Wallace, and it's not even when he has an open shot. Anyone who give the ball to Wallace when he is further than three feet from the hoop should be benched. If they run out of people, bring someone in from the fucking stands who can figure out that he is a complete fucking idiot on offense and should never be passed to.

Fuck this season. Fuck John Paxson and his "eye for talent". Fuck Ben Wallace for taking a huge shit on this season. Fuck Kirk Hinrich. Fuck everyone but Andres Nocioni and Joe Smith - they're the only two players this year who have shown up and earned the money they have been paid. So help me God, if Paxson fucking trades Noce, I will take a shit on the United Center. I'll bend down, spread my cheeks, and drop a turd on the fucking sidewalk.

It was all supposed to be so good this year. Now there's nothing left to do but watch these assholes and become even more angry.

Jalen Rose and 3rd Grade English are very similar

Everyday during my lunch break I like to browse the internet while eating shitty cafeteria food in an effort to keep myself updated with the latest news surrounding the NBA. Some may find that to be boring or strange, especially because I'm a white kid from Buffalo, but it's what I like to do goddamnit.

So today I just finished lunch and wandered over to the NBA page on ESPN.com to read the Daily Dime. I'm assuming most people are aware that segment exists on ESPN.com so I won't bother explaining it.

This section is usually written by Marc Stein or Chris Sheridan, but today must have been off days for both because ESPN decided it would be a good idea to let Jalen Rose test his mastery of the English language. Why the fuck they would do this I have no idea but holy shit Jalen needs to go back and read his ESPN writer's manual under the "How to not look like a complete fucking idiot while writing" section. Here are some highlights from this sure-fire Pulitzer piece of investigative sports journalism.

"Before the season began, they were actually predicted by Las Vegas to be one of the favorites to come out of East. Then the season began."

Wow. Did you come up with that one all by yourself Jalen or did you have team of interns researching for that amazing insightful information? That story is the equivalent of me saying "Before I ate those buffalo wings I had a feeling I would probably shit them out later. Then I ate the wings." Compelling, I know.

Moving on.

"The highest-paid player Ben Wallace doesn't know if he can wear his headband, and the second-highest paid Kirk Hinrich has already been benched."

I wonder if Jalen went to ESPN.com to figure out that Wallace and Hinrich are the two highest paid players on the team or if he just took a guess. Also, the fucking headband rule was dismissed before the start of the season by former coach Scott Skiles, but I guess Jalen was in Vegas on a research trip. And when was Kirk Hinrich benched? Did I miss that due to a violent self-inflicted cock punch after watching Hinrich commit his 109,093rd stupid foul this season? I'm pretty sure Hinrich has started EVERY FUCKING GAME this season, which pretty much is the exact opposite of benched.

From here on out it only gets worse. Brace yourself for a new level of stupidity.

"Chicago fans have a different sense of success, with memories of two of all-time best 50 NBA players (Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen still fresh. They are looking at this through different lenses than the Knicks fans, who are passionate, but only have one championship to look back on."

First of all the Knicks have won two Championships, not one. How you fuck that up is beyond me. How ESPN "editors" don't catch that also makes me want to punch a baby. I spent two years as the Sports Editor for my college newspaper and was high probably 70% of the time but I still could figure out how to at least Wikipedia shit that I wasn't completely sure about. Second of all, Knicks fans are just as, if not more passionate about their sports teams you fucking idiot. Have you heard what Isiah Thomas has been going through this season? Oh yea, and where's the closing parenthesis after Jordan and Pippen? Did you just assume we would put it in there for you wherever we saw fit? At first I thought I had copied and pasted the quote wrong, but nope, that's how Jalen thought it looked best.

Let's now explore how Jalen is uncapable of constructing a sentence that adheres to any form of usual sentence structure. Here is what could possibly be the single dumbest thing ever penned on ESPN:

"Because another big presence inside would make Wallace more effective, allowing him do the dirty work. But when Big Ben's the only big man down there, it's not good."

Where do I begin? Holy fucking shit really did you just write that?

Clearly you have not even heard of "coordinating conjunctions" and their use within a sentence. If you had, then you would probably have not chose to start two consecutive sentences with them. I also love how your conclusion to the Bulls' lack of help inside for Ben Wallace as "not good". How profound.

I haven't even brought up the fact that you spelled disappointment "disappointiment" on the FUCKING HEADLINE but that's neither here nor there. My head hurts too much after reading your piece of shit story. Your article was almost as bad as the Bulls' play this season, which is what I think you were trying to get at the entire time.