Wow...Just Wow

Remember when you were a kid, and you were sitting with your friends at the lunch table showing off your baseball cards as if they were thoroughbred horses?

Fucking-A right you were proud of your 1990 Donruss collection. Delino DeShields, Bip Roberts, you fuckin' had'em all. You were a little Billy Beane; always trying to convince the kid next to you who smelled like diaper shit that trading away his Griffey rookie card for the entire Cubs battery was a great idea.

Remember? Of course you do! I'm sure it seems just like yesterday you were finishing your closing arguments that Damon Barryhill was an up-and-comer like fucking Matlock. Shit, you were even willing to throw in this good condition Mark Grace card!

Yeah, those were the times. Though we've grown older and had our baseball cards lost, trashed by parents, or whatever the circumstances; we have fantasy sports to make those preposterous trades now. Trade me Carlos Zambrano for Johnny Cueto. Come on man, Cueto struck out 10 in his first game!

You see, there's fun in doing that. It's so fucking stupid that it's funny! It will never work, but you tried anyways!

And that must be the reason why Chicago Tribune columnist like Mike Downey came out with an article today saying the Bears should trade Brian Urlacher for Brett Favre:.

I had an idea. The deal of the century. The deal of any century. The most talked-about trade in the history of trades.

Brian Urlacher for Brett Favre.

It would shock every NFL jock. It would be the biggest thing in football since George Halas was a Leatherhead.

What a whopper—54 for 4.

I love Urlacher, but he seemed unhappy with his contract, or at least he did until Monday's news that he had signed an extension.

I love Favre, but he is unhappy with his status.

Green Bay would get a linebacker who is only 30. His neck and back are not in mint condition, so who knows how many good years he has left?

Chicago would get a quarterback who is 38. He is a little gray and grizzly, yes, but even in his worst year he beats what the Bears have now.

It was win-win, baby.

I asked Burke Griffin what he thought.

You see that? What a fuckin' funny guy! He's comparing these two, and asking for approval...

But there's a problem here, Mike. See, you've got it the other way around. Your buddy Burke Griffin up in Green Bay should be selling you on this proposal. He should be telling why his Damon Barryhill is worth your Ken Griffey Jr.

And that's the point I'm making. Are you really that hard up for a column? I do this shit jokingly and I guess you were, too. But me, as the reader of the paper, don't need you to do this for me. I do it on my own on a daily basis.

Your job in case you forgot, is to fucking report. To bring your opinion as a columnist from your years of insight you have. Tell me shit I don't know. Bring me, the sports fan, NEWS.

This isn't news, nor opinion.

This is you fucking jacking off on your BlackBerry with laughter because this is rivalry-rebelrouser of an idea you have is actually going into print.

No, I guess 4 for 54 can't happen.

Isn't there something else the Bears could offer them for 4?

For starters, how about your genius fucking trade proposals? Next up, A.J. Hawk for Steve McNair! Oh wait, he's not playing anymore? Fuck it, it will make for great feedback!

Bears, Urlacher come to terms on new deal

The Bears put their money where their mouth is today and essentially just gave middle linebacker Brian Urlacher 6 million reasons to show up at training camp tomorrow.

ESPN's Michael Smith is now reporting that the McCaskeys continue to amaze Bears fans by opening up their wallets even more this offseason:.

Urlacher, 30, had four years and approximately $25.5 million remaining on his contract. Under the terms of the upgraded deal, Urlacher will receive a $6 million signing bonus along with a $1 million bump in salary each of the next four years. The sides also have agreed to extend the pact into 2012, at a salary of $7.5 million. Urlacher can earn an additional $500,000 in a workout bonus in 2012.

That's a total of roughly $43.5 million over the next five years, with $18 million in new money for the six-time Pro Bowler and four-time All Pro.

Here's to hoping that back and neck of his stay healthy for the remainder of this new contract. For those wondering, his original contract signed back in 2003 was scheduled to pay him $3.95 million (2008), $4.95 million (2009), $6.15 million (2010) and $7.35 million (2011). That was for 56.655 million with 18 mil. guaranteed, the richest contract in Bears history.

Now that Urlacher can finally stop bitching, that leaves No. 1 pick Chris Williams and Devin Hester with contracts yet to be resolved. From what I've heard and read, Williams and the Bears are close to having a deal done.

Hester? No one's really sure to this point. Before the contract was signed, the Bears were $13 million under the cap space. This pay increase should raise that total, and it will be interesting to see how the Bears go about paying Hester. Go front-loaded and forget about Favre? We'll have to how this plays out as the players head to "Bear"bonnais tomorrow.

My Boy Got Paid!!!

I own one Chicago Bears jersey, and you're looking at it to the right. I had an Urlacher jersey a couple years ago, but I gave to a friend because well...the Miller Lites finally caught up to me. But that is neither here nor there (pick up vegeatables..and no that is not a typo, that's how Andy Dick pronounces it). Docksquad via the Chicago Tribune have found the McCaskey's finally opening up their billfold to pay Tommie Harris a deal worth 40 million over the next 4 years with 18 of that guaranteed.

Thank..fucking..god. As David Haugh points out, this leaves deals that still need to be reached for Devin Hester and of course, #54.

It will be interesting to see how much Urlacher is going to demand now that they've paid top money in the NFL to a position player.

Here's some probabilities that could play out over the summer:

- Hester gets his contract settled within the next month..complete shot in the dark here: 3 years, 21 million, 12 of that guaranteed. Because of this, Urlacher is going to get vocal in the media. The two sides won't agree to terms, Urlacher is even more of a sour ass then usual all season long.

- Urlacher and the Bears reach an agreement just before training camp starts with a deal that both sides know will be reworked just so he will shut up.

- Both players go unsigned; unrest is everywhere including Zimbabwe.

- Kyle Orton finishes a bottle a jack, stumbles into Jerry Angelo's office. Pisses on his fake palm tree and states: givem some fffuckin' pancakes...beetch.

Hard to say how long it will take, but I like the odds on the last scenario. Maybe not Jerry Angelo's office, but perhaps an apartment in Wicker Park..stay tuned.

Well Look Who Decides To Show Up

...Sorry, you'll have excuse me for a moment there. I was kneeling at my desk in my cube worshipping the keyboard before I typed in the word "Urlacher" into blogger, standard operating procedure for Chicagoans like me in this great (kneels) Urlacher era.

Look, I've always liked the guy for his performance on the field, and I could really give shit less what he does off of it.

With that said, I'm glad that he decided not to pull a Lance Briggs and be a bitch about the situation. In case you're wondering what the contract is at currently and what's being talked about, I give you my favorite Bears scribe, the Chicago Tribune's David Haugh:

The crux of (Urlacher's) argument always has attacked the NFL's system of non-guaranteed contracts as much as the Bears. His main contention revolves around the idea that long-term NFL contracts aren't worth the paper they're faxed on. the Bears' extension offer, ironically, in essence confirms his point.

On the surface, the $18 million extension sounds robust until you factor in the reported $9 million base salary for the extra season in 2012 written into the deal. Urlacher would be 34.

If he's even still playing for the Bears at that point, you can bet a case of Vitamin Water the team will rework his deal before paying him $9 million for a 13th season.

So in reality, the offer isn't really worth $18 million just as the deal Urlacher signed in 2003 wasn't really ever expected to hold up nine years.

Like it or not, long-term NFL contracts are written to be rewritten.

Reluctantly, the Bears have fairly done so with Urlacher's contract after initially being cool to the idea. It now awaits his signature.

At this point, Urlacher should view the $5 million signing bonus as part of the Bears' $18 million extension a reasonable meeting point. The money up front matches the bonuses given Alex Brown and Desmond Clark and represents the respect Urlacher craved

While I think it's important to pay him what he has earned, you have to wonder how this all figures in with Tommie Harris and his contract demands. Harris is the future of this team, not Urlacher. How do you go about paying Harris when dipshit organizations like the Raiders are giving out 7 year, 50.5 million dollar contracts to no names like Tommy Kelly? Seriously, who the fuck is this guy?

My solution: pay Urlacher before you pay Harris. The reason: if you pay Tommie Harris a good chunk of change before Urlacher, #54 will get pissed and want more then the Bears are willing to pay him. And if Urlacher did accept in his eyes what he saw to be a lower then he wanted amount, he'd be a fucking malcontent in the locker room. By giving him what he wants now, you can focus squarely on Harris.

Then maybe Jerry Angelo can get to work on this whole QB situation, which should be just as big of a pain in the ass.