Like Chicago really needed another "Vinny"

And so begins the era of Del Negro for the Chicago Bulls...pray for us.

"Having played 14 years at the professional level and several more as an executive in the front office, I am looking forward to this opportunity and the challenges that lie ahead as head coach of the Bulls," said Del Negro.

"There are a lot of things to like about this young Bulls team," he added. "My efforts are going to be geared specifically toward getting the best out of each player - whatever their particular strengths may be that make them most successful."

Allow me to translate Vinny's words into what I think he was trying to say:

"Look, everyone knows me for my ability to hit shots from anywhere and my fucking kickass name, but I'm more than just a one trick pony. This job seems like a pretty sweet gig, all I gotta do is a better job than whoever this Boylan character was and I look like the next Phil Jackson. It's win win!"

"My efforts are going to be figuring out who the hell is still on this team once we trade most of these useless fucks away, then try to see if they are actually worth a shit. Strengths? Nobody on this team is stronger than me, I can guarantee that. I've played with that asshole Hughes before and I still don't think I've seen him make a fuckin' shot."

Oh, and just in case you were looking for some clever pun with the new coach's name, sorry but I tried everything I could think of and couldn't think of one that either, A) Hadn't been already used or B) Wasn't racist. You try googling "Negro jokes" while at work, I dare you.

I welcome any puns/jokes/quips in the comments.

Bear Down...Your Beer!

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311 Day Continued - Is that...Shaq?

As I'm sitting at work counting down the minutes until I can get the fudge outta here, I decide to watch some more 311 videos, in the spirit of the day and all. So I click on You Wouldn't Believe and begin to listen to the song, not watching the video.

All of a sudden like halfway through I hear basketballs dribbling and I'm like "WTF?" so I click back on it and...check it out.



Shaq? What the hell is he doing in a 311 video, besides picking up the band members and tossing them around as if they were little rag dolls? Is this what 311 meant by You Woudln't Believe? As in, you'll never figure out how we got Shaq to appear in a video?

I wonder how the two crossed paths. Did they have the same marijuana hookup back then? Or was Shaq really a fan of their music?

I'm gonna go noodle with this one...

A Look at some ESPN Member Douchebags

Welcome to our 2nd installment of ESPN Member Douchebags. The seemingly endless amount of ammunition provided by "the Leader" has brought commenters from across the USA together, allowing every semi half-witted Dick and Jane the opportunity to pretend like what they have to say is important.

I personally only use the comments section to shamelessly advertise the existence of this website, because it's hilarious how every story, no matter what the original subject, ultimately turns into a racial argument. It could be a story about Darko Milicic dropping 25 and 5 on Phoenix and assholes will somehow turn that into an argument over Brown v. Board of Education in no less than 40 comments. I just don't get it.

On to today's feature commenter. This proud fella by the name of "RytgersjaffoII" has this to offer on Joe Gibbs' retirement from the Washington Redskins organization.

"He needs somebody who can manage the team... I mean the guy is spending a ton of dough bringing in talent, they just buy the wrong guys and the wrong coaches... those are GM/Coaching issues... The Skins do have some talented players, but unfortunately there's only one Belichick and only one Coughlin... the Skins blew it not going after Coughlin three years ago..."

Coughlin, as in Tom Coughlin? Are you really claiming that Tom Coughlin is a better coach than Joe Gibbs? The same Joe Gibbs who's posted a 171-101 overall record as a coach of the Redskins? The same Joe Gibbs that won three Super Bowls ('82, '87, '91) and went to the playoffs in ten of his 16 seasons as head coach? What did Tom Coughlin ever do besides post a 68-60 record as coach of the Jaguars? I remember him doing a good job of getting on the bad side of every player he currently coaches on the New York Giants.

Anyway, here's this asshole's profile on ESPN:



Wow. That's the picture that you chose to broadcast your image to the entire world? A red flannel under what looks like a 'Judas Priest' shirt as you're eating what appears to obviously be a milkshake from Sonic. I say Sonic because those restaurants are only found in awful cities like Pittsburgh, where this jagoff hails from.

I also love the fact that under "Occupation" he has listed "Law Student". While that may seem like a worthwhile endeavor and a most respectable position, this fucking guy was born in 1973. That makes him at least 34 years young and still in Law School. Impressive.

I won't even make fun of the teams he has listed as "Favorite Teams" because do jokes really need to be made about the Pirates, Penguins, Penn State and Rutgers?

So "RytgersjaffoII" congratulations for being our ESPN Member Douchebag! You look like the bastard child of David Spade who just crawled out of his mom's basement to go rent "Clerks" and remember better days.