A Look At Some ESPN Member Douchebags

It has been far too long since we delved into the immense stupidity that resides within ESPN.com's commenting world. The problem that myself and Noce run into is it's hard to find some of these special specimens of jackassery that deserved to be examined and explained. There's plenty of your regular run of the mill douches, but they're not worthy of my time. Look at their profile, say douche, and move on. For those of you new to this bit, it's pretty simple. Find an ESPN member who is a band-waggoning fuckface and let him/her have it. I have been semi-actively searching for someone who I could lay into recently, and this morning I stumbled today's participant/contestant/laborer: Wesley Collins



As you can see, ESPN has changed up the format of their commenter MySpace page since we last lit into the tools. I think the new set-up sucks. Oh well. If you were to ask me to picture a 44-year old male living south of Pittsburgh who works in the Transportation industry, you could not have painted a better picture here. Wesley is the type of guy who:

- Appeals to the makers of Vault soda as their target market
- Tries to get pussy at the local bowling alley
- Has been to at least 7 Ronnie James Dio concerts
- Once declared Ron Tugnutt as the only guy he'd be cool with if he slept with his ex-wife
- Once did a line of coke at 2:30 at a Denny's while waiting for his Moons Over My Hammy

Let's take a look at Wesley's teams he backs: Pirates, Cubs, Mets Steelers, Celtics, Penguins, Bruins, Red Sox, Michigan, Pitt, USC, Orioles

As usual, I will not hold all his area teams against him. But are you fucking serious you coked-out tire lifter? USC? UNIVERSITY OF SUCK COCK FOR COKE? Ok, I'll give you that Vincent Vega. Michigan? Fuck yourself in the face with a glowing hot aluminum bat. Every Boston minus the Pats? Grab a box cutter and cut your taint open. The Cubs, Mets, and Orioles? I pity your existance as a human being.

For his one liner at the top of the page? "Want to be heard? say nothing"

Or in Wesley's case, grab a pair of bono shades at moms house and give a look to the camera like you do to those 7th graders at the arcade when you tell him them you don't care if you lost, you're playing again.

Wesley's greatest sports moment? A bunch of broken fucking sentences that he wrote after his latest 8-ball.

In closing, ESPN Members have a chance to tell you what they're thinking. Anything they want. With this opportunity, Wesley informs us:

college football ,it doesnt get any better than that,pitt will make noise,penn st. there all in jail.GA.,OHIO ST.,LSU,TEXAS,USC,CLEMSON,WILL RATTLE THE CAGES THIS YR.............LAST ONE WITH THE LEAST AMOUNT OF INJURIES WILL BE THE KINGSwe all know when the yankees loose its a good day in america.

Will rattle the cages this yr? What in the fucking name of thought process and conversation did you huff upon typing this slanderous pig latin? Sure, I too like it when the yankees loose. But there is no good day in America with you out on the roads of your transporation job, Wesley. You fucking Pennsylvania male Amy Winehouse.

A Look At Some ESPN Member Douchebags...

Yes, it's been awhile since we delved into the beer-fueled intelligence one can only gain from ESPN Members, but it's back. After scrolling through the message boards, and leap-frogging from profile to profile, I stumbled upon today's participant which reminded me of something I forgot I fucking hated: people from the south who think the SEC is "God's conference". Is the SEC is best overall football conference every year generally? Yes, I would say so. Is the ACC the best overall basketball conference from top to bottom every year? Maybe a couple years ago I would agree with that, but the Big East is much deeper.

Anyways, enough of my jackass opinion, let's rip this motherfucker. I give you, 755Club

What intially attracted my attention to this profile from "Len" was the picture you see to your right. Here's the link so you too can see the seizure I'm having a result of pic: http://myespn.go.com/755club Ok, I like the movie too. But why not just put a picture Edward Norton kicking the shit out of himself? How about Marla Singer having not been fucked like that since grade school? Something other then your fucking Mickey Mouse Joseph and the Technicolor dreamcoat visuals here.

"WE ARE A PART OF AN OR-AN-GE NATION"

No, just you are, you fucking dog-raping, Jeff Gordon supporting, Busch Light drinking, Wrangler wearing, Jeff Foxworthy listenin', King of the Hill wathcing, Squirrel is a mighty fine meal procliaming Dipshit. Leave we out. Add in I. No problems with me commences. Moving On.

As you can see, our friend here is quite a fan of his fantasy sports. I will never begrudge anyone of that, but I do recommened if you have his profile up to hold your arrow over the WTC icon. HE FUCKING PARTICIPATED IN WOMEN'S COLLEGE BASKETBALL PICK'EM 2005. Holy shit...I've seen it all. I mean, wow. I guess the fabulous game of "who can cum in blind Ol' Elroy the dogs eye first" got old for a week or two.

His sports moments are fine until we reach: The Tackle: Jones tackles Dyson 1 yd short of game tying TD to win Super Bowl XXXIV @ the GA Dome. If you're a fucking Tennessee fan, how do you not like the Titans? And you'd rather support the Rams? I can't stand people who can root for a fucking state themed college but not their pro team. Makes me want to find Ol' Elroy. PS..you would consider yourself a Cubs fan.

I will however give him two small acknowledgements: for having Racquet Ball as one of his favorite sports and listing his occupation as a NASCAR test chimp. I don't know why I find that slightly amusing. I think these fuckers are starting to get to me.

FAVORITE TEAMS: Atlanta Falcons, Indianapolis Colts, Tennessee, Atlanta Braves, Georgia Tech, St. Louis Rams, Green Bay Packers, Georgia, LSU, Dallas Cowboys, Chicago Cubs, Atlanta Thrashers.

"Len" is from Atlanta, so I absolve him of the Georgia teams. The Colts, Cowboys and Cubs have their bandwagon douchebags, so I don't have a huge problem here, either. However, rooting for the Packers and Rams...let's just say I'd like to rip off his fingernails and pour 10W40 down his throat for that one. Inexcusable.

The "in 755 words" section is absolute mindless drivel, so I won't even waste my time. However, he does have a recent blog post that must be shared:

Gas? Liquid? Nope...SOLID

The Stanford team pushed the Lady Vols to the limit [and overtime even] way back when they had to beat them in a non-con that no one expected to be a preview of the Finals. Yet the rematch was OWNED by the Tennessee TEAM. Not a Candice vs. Candace showdown that all the media wanted, but a solid TEAM effort, including above-and-beyond performances by the roomies, "Lil Bit" and "aN Oh Cee Kay"

CP did throw her fubar shoulder into the mix, but it was the TEAM effort (absent for so many recent games) that solidified the confetti.

Ladies, that was restaurant-quality lemonade

Please re-read that last line. Someone ship this motherfucker to western Pakistan wearing his bright orangle coat to mix with the locals. I'd like to see what fucking lemonade comes out his pants when they start boiling him alive.

A Look At Some ESPN Member Douchebags...

This is a looong overdue post, but I want to first preference it by thanking faithful reader stalkingerinandrews for finding this fuckstick for us. Considering he sent MR.PATRIOT81 to us right around the Super Bowl, we've been a bit lazy. But with the Boss out today, and Noce probably half way in the fucking can by now, I'll be productive in non work shenanigans. That said, let's take a look at the biggest front-running, BBMak loving, Hollister wearing, Shitstain smelling "bro" I've seen thus far on here...he's none other then MR.PATRIOT81

JUST LOOK AT HIS FUCKING TEAMS HE LIKES. Let's go to the visual for this one:

As you can see, MR.PATRIOT81, (or as his aol friends know him as JTmbrlakeismyidol) apparently doesn't plant his fucking flag in one state. Try Seven. Look out Pacific Northwest, MR.PATRIOT IS COMING TO A WESTFIELD MALL TO TRY ON ABERCROMBIE CLOTHES THANKS TO MOM GIVING HIM MONEY FOR A SUPER TERRIFIC REPORT CARD NEAR YOU!!!

His favorite sports moments indicate to me that nothing happened before he was born in his eyes;

"Whatching Kobe drop 81 against the Raptors. I never though anyone would score over 80"

First off, ass clown shows his riting skills with his opening word. Second, MR.PATRIOT, please examine this picture below:

March 2, 1962

PLEASE DO THE FOLLOWING, MR.PATRIOT81

A: Go to nearest local hardware store

B: Get six feet of thick rope

C: Go to nearest bridge

D: Tie rope around your neck and attach to bridge. Please make sure bridge attachment is sturdy.

E: Jump off, with end result looking something like this (pics are so super sweet bro, couldn't help myself):

Moving on. For future reference MR.PATRIOT, just put every stupid fucking sport ever invented by some hella cool brah. A whole paragraph worth of everything X-Games to Grabassing is quite unnecessary.

OCCUPATION: RETAIL

What a fucking surprise...I'm sure you're as enthusiastic about your job as Louie Anderson was in Coming to America: Hey, I started out mopping the floor just like you guys. But now... now I'm folding clothes. Soon I'll be on register; then the front greeter. And pretty soon, I'll make assistant manager, and that's when the big bucks start rolling in.

Finally, MR.PATRIOT informs us he's met a lady friend (not visible on the super sweet pic above bros)

I finally found a great girl that is a Patriot fan and I met her a few weeks back but we are just now getting serious.

Good for you. When she breaks up with your sorry ass next week for the douche across the street, I've saved you some trouble bro by linking you some Dashboard to sob over for the next month, you fucking pussy. Go suck J.J. Redick's dick while you're at, he's been in need of some "Coldplay" too.

A Look at Some ESPN Member Douchebags...

I really thought I'd give a visual interpretation of this guy, who actually chose the name "ringworm218". Jesus Christ, I've seen some creepy fuckers in my time but this guy makes a Mormon boy band manager look like Tom Selleck. If he's not a pedophile, I'll punch my own dick in sheer amazement. Enjoy jerks.

A Look at Some ESPN Member Douchebags...

Yesterday we promised a Super Bowl version of 'A Look at those ESPN Member Douchebags' you love to hate, and today we present to you a woman who I'm sure many Deadspin visitors are familiar with. She has seen her beloved Patriots go down Sunday, which has caused her many tears of Wes Welker-like sadness. Without further adieu, the self-proclaimed nut-cracking LADYVICTORYUSA:



Doesn't she look like a prime victim for Buffalo Bill? Not this Buffalo Bill; but this one (Side note: do not google image 'Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs' at work...why people feel the need to post that type of stuff during the Bye Bye Horses song is beyond me...disgusting). For her personal quote, she goes with "It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me" from 'Batman Begins'. I see nothing wrong with that; a decent quote. But "BATMAN AKA BRUCE WAYNE?" No shit, sherlock. Was that really necessary for the attribution followed by moreclarification?

I'll move on.

I'm not going to dwell on the fact she's a Patriots fan, because I think we all have similar feelings towards the stereotypical Boston fan base. However, LADYVICTORYUSA provides with a questionaire of herself that nothing short of God could bestow upon us.

I: LADY V, TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF THAT VERY FEW PEOPLE KNOW, K?

LV: THAT'S A SUPER GREAT QUESTION! WOW, OK, I TOTALLY HAVE VERY STRONG LEG MUSCLES. WHEN I WAS A GIRL, I USED TO BE ABLE TO CRACK A WALNUT BETWEEN MY KNEES. ONE THANKSGIVING, MY AUNT TRUDY FORGOT TO BRING HER NUTCRACKER AND WE TOTALLY HAD ALL OF THESE MIXED NUTS BUT NOBODY COULD GET THEM OPEN SO I TOOK A PECAN AND CRACKED IT OPEN RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR. I CRACKED NUTS FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.

Do I even need think of a joke on this? It really speaks for itself. I couldn't even make that shit up about her in my imagination if I tried. The one thing I will say I would rather drink water infested with pigeon shit than eat a nut she cracked with her Big Show-like knees. I could a look at each question because they're all hilarious, but instead I'll just take a few, such as question four, which apparently really blindsided her:

I: QUESTION 4, RED LOBSTER OR ARBYS?

LV: WOW.......I DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING! THAT'S A TOUGH CALL. IF ARBYS IS HAVING THE 5 FOR 5 PROMOTION, ESPECIALLY IF IT'S THE BEEF AND CHEDDAR DEAL, I WOULD HAVE TO SAY ARBYS. BUT, IF LOBSTERFEST IS GOING ON, I'M GOING WITH THE LOBSTER. SUPER GREAT QUESTION!

The thought of her eating makes me want "super great" throw up on my desk. Next question, please:

I: THANKS! NEXT QUESTION......IF YOU WERE STRANDED ON A DESERT ISLAND WITH ANY MAN OF YOUR CHOICE, WHO WOULD YOU PICK?

LV: CAN I PICK 2 OMG? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! JUST KIDDING! I WOULD PROBABLY PICK EITHER JEFF GORDON OR DANZA.



Jeff Gordon or Danza. This woman's brain capacity for off the wall shit makes me wonder if she should be writing this blog. Seriously. Tony Fucking Danza. I definitely would hate for Tony to be shown by LADY V who's the boss.

I: NAME A SUBJECT THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT...

LV: WITHOUT A DOUBT, CANNIBALISM. BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S HAPPENING OUT THERE AND THE THOUGHT OF IT CHILLS ME TO THE BONE.

My oh my, how the Silence of the Lambs has come full circle. Last question:

I: LAST QUESTION. WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF THIS TIME NEXT YEAR OMG?

LV: WELL, AS YOU KNOW THE BLOG IS GAINING READERSHIP AND TRACTION SO I GUESS I WOULD HAVE TO SAY THAT I SEE THE BLOG GETTING SYNDICATED WHICH WOULD TOTALLY MEAN INCREASED ADVERTISING AND REVENUE DOWN THE ROAD.

I: THANKS FOR YOUR TIME LADY V, IT'S BEEN A TOTAL PLEASURE.

LV: THANK YOU FOR INTERVIEWING ME!

END OF INTERVIEW......

It has been a total pleasure, Lady V. I've now learned that 'Ghost' is your favorite movie, Red Lobster and Arby's should combine efforts to create a full force of filth, and that Cannabalism is weighing heavily on your mind.

Yikes.

A Look At Some ESPN Member Douchebags...

That's right, kids! It's that time of the week where we delve into the depths of the 'Leader' to expose the people who:
A: Post the dumbest thoughts/ideas known to the sports world.
B: Are the reason why most of the Arab world would like us dead.
C: Make me sad I breathe the same air as they do.

Yes, it's those zany ESPN Members. While we've been putting gentlemen in their place, it's time to spread equal rights to the women as well. You wanted Suffrage? You got it. Equal pay? Not quite there yet. A chance to be equal to men? Well, in terms of how much you blow, then yes. Without further adieu, I present you with a woman who certainly knows her way around the T.G.I. Friday's bar scene: ZELYNDA.



My first impressions of Zelynda are:

A: The ideal spokeswoman for American Spirit Cigarettes;
B: Still yearns for a Sexual Encounter with a certain Latino Wrestler despite his death.
C: Is considering Plastic Surgery

Zelynda enjoys a wide variety of sports; ranging from Shooting to Equestrianism Is that even a fucking word? To Zelynda, that answer is an obvious yes! However, one of the sports is something I'm not familiar with: Ultimate. Ultimate what, you dumb bitch? Ultimate Frisbee? Ultimate Tampax Relays? Please inform, I'm lost.

In terms of teams, Zelynda is no one horse team, if you know what I mean. Miami, Oakland, Denver, Baltimore, and Washington, not to mention Ohio State (you would) and Louisiana. One can draw many conclusions from this, but I'll take a stab at the NFL teams.

Miami: She still has a restraining order from Dan Marino after she sent him Isotoner gloves filled with KY Jelly suggesting he slip it in her soon.
Oakland: Was once raped by a biker gang. Got mad when none of the boys called her a week later
Denver: She was the woman Cal saw in 40-year old virgin during the horse show in Tijuana.
San Diego, Baltimore, Washington: Cities she's seen Bon Jovi in, barred from Washington D.C. for Bestiality.

The next time you're Reno, stop by the craps table to find Zelynda, as she works in a Casino. Ok timeout. Would you place your bets with this cumdumpster? Yeah, neither would I. She probably sneaks chips in the bookshelf of a vag of hers.

In closing, Zelynda parts with these words: I believe the best tool to use when measuring your success in life is your own yard stick!

Zelynda, do us a favor and keep your yardstick in your pants, you groupie-fucking, horsecock craving, too many fucking NFL teams to list, chip stealing Cunt.

PS LeeAnn Womack Sucks...bitch.

A Look At ESPN Member Douchebags

Thanks to Trunk over at My Brain Says Rage, we were linked by Awful Announcing today. I don't want to know what he had to do to get our little two-man operation linked with the likes of AA, but hey, we'll take it when we can get it.

Which brings us to the reason for why we're here in the first place: ESPN Members. They're a funny bunch. I'm so happy that ESPN decided to allow comments on its page because it has given us the chance to dig up every lower-middle class Ford owner that has just enough credit left to put a Compaq Presario on 36-month layaway so they can voice their retarded opinion to the masses.

I shouldn't lump every commenter into the 'King of the Hill' category, there are commenters who represent just about every archetype you can think of. It's just that the hillbillies usually provide just enough material so we can completely rip their identity apart in about 1000 words. Anything over that would obviously have to be written by Bill Simmons and therefore biased to the fucking shithole of the world and commented on by ESPN members and, well, you get the point.

Let's go to today's tale of the tape, brought to you by the American Academy of Facial and Reconstructive Plastic Surgery, because they are the only fucking people I could think of that could possibly help this poor bastard we're about to show you.

Today's Heavyweight contender comes in at approximately 6'1, depending on the type of velcro shoes he decided to wear today, and probably somewhere in the ballpark of 245 pounds.

I give you... Michael Messerly.



As you can see this picture was taken on the greatest day of Michael Messerly's ginger life. Unless that is the best photoshop ever, this douche has gotten closer to Erin Andrews than most of us can say, and that almost makes me want to punch myself in the dick right now.

If you questioned my assumption that this was, in fact, this ginger's proudest moment, look no further than his "Greatest Sports Moment". He knows he probably won't ever touch another attractive girl, at least not one that isn't bound and gagged with his Sponge Bob underwear.

Right up there with fondling EA, Mike has listed Miami's baseball and football titles in 2001 as his greatest sports moment. For the sake of fucking skin cancer alone, I hope this kid has never stepped foot in the state of Florida.



If he has, nothing short of an act of god can save him because the sun would tear into his thin, cancer-welcoming skin with as much brute force as Militia in his debut video with COLT Studios.

Looking at this kid's profile and seeing that he's from Nebraska gives me yet another reason to never visit that state. Chalk it right up there with Arkansas and Texas as places I'd rather not go. I really think I'd rather go to Africa and take my chances with the fucking militias (hopefully they haven't done gay porn) there than endure anything more than a rest stop in those states.

Now for the icing on the cake with good ole' Michael Messerly. He wants to be the William Hung of Nebraska. Yes, you read that correctly. This fucking degenerate ginger bastard wants to voluntarily be the butt of a joke.



He wants to be famous, but not famous like normal people would want to be. He wants to be "William Hung famous". That's even worse than "Pauly Shore famous" and almost as bad as being "Phil Spector famous".

I think the only thing that this kid has to look forward to is a new lotion that is immune to chafing because jerking off is the only thing I see in his future. It must be pretty bad when you're actually uglier than the guy from Red Dragon.

Sorry "michaelmesserly" - you're not even creative enough to think of a fucking ESPN Member name? Jesus Christ, you really do suck at being a person.

A Look At Some ESPN Member Douchebags

I was going to hold off until Monday to post our newest clown from the ESPN members page, but after I saw MBSR giving us a vote of confidence for this segment, I figured now is as good as time as any. So without further adieu, I present to you a man who most likely has paid for sex on more then one occasion, BIGZEKE55:



On my first impression, Big Zeke likes his cars like his women; fast and smooth. Which is kinda funny considering the last broad he blew his load in was large and rough. Judging from his helmet, Zeke fancies himself to do at least one of the following in his lifetime:

- Pillage the entire state of Maine on Phenobarbital
- Follow Willie Nelson around the US...oh wait..that's already been checked off
- Kill an Arab
- Plant his "seed" in a nice looking bitch

Moving on to Zeke's teams he backs, which is roughly the entire Southwest. To be honest with you, I don't really have a problem with all the teams he backs, the motherfucker decides wherever he may roam. However, I do find it funny he's a fan of Golf. Could imagine him out there swinging a fucking table leg at a rock?

The best part of this other then Zeke's picture is easily his occupation: President of FLOORZ AND FICILICARE. How'd you like to work for BIGZEKE55? FINISH THIS FUCKING PROJECT OR I WILL BREAK ALL OF YOUR LEGZ AND FEED THEM TO MY UNBORN SON!!!! Yikes. Nothing screams sophistication like a Viking helmet at a business proposal. FURTHER MORE GENTLEMEN, ON TOP OF COMPLETION OF YOUR PROJECT I WILL RAPE YOUR COMPETITION'S CATTLE TO WEAKEN THEIR MORALE..DEAL?

From the words of Zeke, it would appear he would have been fighting for the Confederacy back in the day:

"I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my moma together, and also that my kids no longer sound like ***** gang-bangers."

Something tells me I totally didn't see that one coming at all..In parting, Zeke's gives us his motto for life that his hero Maximus imparted for his troops before they fucked up those Barbarians:

"If you find yourself alone, riding in the green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled. For you are in Elysium, and you're already dead!

Brothers, what we do in life... echoes in eternity."

To the state of Maine, take cover. BIGZEKE55 just finished his meds.

A new record time for racist accusations on ESPN!

In a stunning event of extreme douchebaggery, someone was accused of racism in the ESPN Comments today after only 1 post!

The commenter, "stevemahalick", obviously an intelligent man, voiced his opinion about the $100,000 bounty on Willingham's head is "rediculous" (nice spelling cockbag) and "obviously racist". It's amazing how one comment about race can turn a debate about a coach's talent level to an analysis about 200 years of history that has nothing to do with anything remotely to the original story.

I hate to say I told you so, but I never thought I'd be able to explain my point in such a clear and hilarious example this quickly. Scroll down and enjoy reading some of these assholes' comments, I promise you it will make you feel better about your own lives.


Comments (1-18)
KansasJoeHawks (1 minute ago) Why can't someone just be bad at their job? "It's because of his race", "It because of money", bla bla bla. Heads up people, money runs the world, and winning=$ no matter what level. Lets take some responsibility for our own actions.

NJPlayer79 (1 minute ago) Well said Stan - I can't comment on the race card with the UW situation, but it DEFINITELY applied at Notre Dame...That's serious.

ryan425353 (1 minute ago) The guy probably is a racist, even if not he is going to be viewed as one. Mosty likely some inhospitable old fart who knows noting about the current state of college football. This guy was good enough for Notre Dame and then was fired before the year he would've had his best team so Charlie WEis could come in and embarass ND. I mean UW is not USC, who does this guy want? Pete Carroll? Seems more like he would settle for any white coach over Willingham. $100,000 is not that much for a major university anyway. Big deal, 3 full boats paid for a year. They have to give this Ty some time.

NJPlayer79 (3 minutes ago) Because slawson, if he does that then he doesn't get the weightlifting room named after him :)

Stan the Afghan (3 minutes ago) BVpanther, the race card should have been out the moment Willingham was fired at ND! The race card should have been thrown again after Weiss wasn't fired after this season! Willingham is the closest big time college football has come to Tony Dungy (pre-Sylvester Croom). Willingham's goal is to win a championship, but his primary goal is to develop young men into exceptional citizens. I'd take a dismal record on the field and a superb record of student athlete citizenship any day. The guys that Willingham brings into the program are far less likely to break into your house or steal your CD player out of your car than the ones that would, generally speaking, boost your on-field winning. How can you fault that?

slawson79 (3 minutes ago) Ok why not just give money to the place that gave you the ability to have the funds to donate 100K in the first place. Im sure your life is dependent on the out come of football.... Why dont you do the right thing and give a schlorship to law students who are deserving but cant afford it.

NJPlayer79 (5 minutes ago) The other thing is that take race out of it, the whole "booster" system is out of control in college football. Why should a Lawyer who graduated in 1966 have ANY say in what happens in the football program?

Extramice (5 minutes ago) Previous to 1 season before Willingham's arrival at Washington, the UW had 30 straight non-losing seasons averaging 8-9 wins a year. Keith Gilbertson went 1-10, since then Tyrone Willingham has come in and finished 10th, 9th, and 10th in the Pac-10. In the previous 30 years, Washington finished out of the top 3 in the Pac-10 maybe 5 times. This kind of thing has nothing to do with Ty as a person and everything to do with his inability to produce a winner at the UW.

NJPlayer79 (6 minutes ago)bvpanther - I hate when the race card is played, but you know what, Willingham was on a much shorter leash because of his race. Look at what Weis did this past year...And he's coming back?

jangelish (6 minutes ago) is the ad african american?

disme33 (6 minutes ago) Ty does everything perfect Sunday- Friday.. On Saturdays its another thing. He still lives off his legacy from Stanford.. but when he was at Stanford USC wasn't even a fraction of what it is today. The Pac 10 is much stronger now than it was when old Ty was at Stanford...

tjb_vb (7 minutes ago) bvpanther - Are you kidding me??? It has to be race!!! It cant be his record at ND or his record at Wash!!!! It obviously cant be his recruiting ability or his overall record at Stanford either!!

jman_89 (8 minutes ago)Maybe if he WON FOOTBALL GAMES he wouldn't be so disliked...a .499 career record is pathetic.

RedSoxseason2001 (10 minutes ago) The sad thing is you'll probably read something on here in a week saying "Tyrone Willingham fired from Washington" and they'll make up some bogus story to get rid of him and not pay him anything. NCAA Football breads corruption within these schools. It's pathetic...

icm310 (10 minutes ago) I've never seen a nice guy like Willingham get hated on so hard by so many people in college sports. Its' ridiculous..

bvpanther (10 minutes ago) Two posts and the race card is out. Nice. Maybe, JUST MAYBE, the dismal record was the motivation.

stevemahalick (12 minutes ago) absolutely rediculous...this guy must be a racist or something.

NJPlayer79 (12 minutes ago) This is why college football sucks - people that have no idea about the sport get what they want based on money. The pushed Willingham out at ND too, and that's worked out REALLY well...

A Look at Some ESPN Member Douchebags

Welcome to another installment of our ongoing series "Looking at Some ESPN Member Douchebags". I'm sure a lot of you have read ESPN and looked at the comments and wondered where the hell most of these people come from. The answer is Arkansas. Today's douche is by far the biggest I have ever found while reading ESPN comments, and it only makes sense that I found him while reading an article about hockey. Everyone, meet "Qtuz0FF". "Qtuz0FF", meet everybody.



I'll give you a second to take in what you've just seen. Ready? Good.

I can't even think of where to begin to make fun of this guy, so I'll start with the fact that you're one of those fucks that thinks wearing those "Affliction" shirt makes you look like a badass. These people also usually fall into the category of people who think they're a good fighter because they order every UFC fight.

I love watching UFC fights, don't get me wrong. I just don't think that watching fights translates into making me a better fighter, that's like saying watching porn would make me better at having sex. If that really were the case, not only would I know how to escape a choke hold, I'd also be able to have sex for longer than 45 seconds while sober. Everyone has dreams right?

Anyway, I'm assuming that everyone in Arkansas that likes the NHL and the Boston Red Sox is forced to wear a mask. I made a mental picture of what you look like under that mask and came up with something like the picture below to the right, which also helps to explain why he's wearing a mask. What, too soon?


This guy also apparently picked his favorite schools/teams while wearing this mask because I can't think of more of a clusterfuck of teams than the ones he has chose to support. It looks like Qtuz0FF has jumped with both of his faggy legs right onto the Boston bandwagon, as it appears he is a fan of the Patriots, Celtics and the Red Sox (puking in my mouth).

To contrast with his Boston preference, he also is a fan of the Nuggets and the Mavericks, two teams in the same conference, as well as an ecletic variety of NHL teams that bear no apparent correlation to any form of geography I've ever understood. Did you just throw darts at a map and pick teams from random to like?

Oh, I almost forgot about the joke this guy has in his little "quote box" above his picture, which looks like was taken next to a 3rd grade classroom. Looks like the Chuck Norris jokes are just starting to flow into the Arkansas pipeline, took you fuckers long enough. Those were funny like a year ago right? Hey, at least they're not still on Bill Brasky.

So to "Qtux0FF", thank you for being such a humongous douche and thank you also to ESPN for being the cum that holds all the douches together. There's so many more jokes that I want to make (Raphael/Cory Feldman, the fact you're a "Java Developer", Formula 1 Racing) but I do have a job that pays me money for my services. Until next time.

A Look at some ESPN Member Douchebags

Welcome to our 2nd installment of ESPN Member Douchebags. The seemingly endless amount of ammunition provided by "the Leader" has brought commenters from across the USA together, allowing every semi half-witted Dick and Jane the opportunity to pretend like what they have to say is important.

I personally only use the comments section to shamelessly advertise the existence of this website, because it's hilarious how every story, no matter what the original subject, ultimately turns into a racial argument. It could be a story about Darko Milicic dropping 25 and 5 on Phoenix and assholes will somehow turn that into an argument over Brown v. Board of Education in no less than 40 comments. I just don't get it.

On to today's feature commenter. This proud fella by the name of "RytgersjaffoII" has this to offer on Joe Gibbs' retirement from the Washington Redskins organization.

"He needs somebody who can manage the team... I mean the guy is spending a ton of dough bringing in talent, they just buy the wrong guys and the wrong coaches... those are GM/Coaching issues... The Skins do have some talented players, but unfortunately there's only one Belichick and only one Coughlin... the Skins blew it not going after Coughlin three years ago..."

Coughlin, as in Tom Coughlin? Are you really claiming that Tom Coughlin is a better coach than Joe Gibbs? The same Joe Gibbs who's posted a 171-101 overall record as a coach of the Redskins? The same Joe Gibbs that won three Super Bowls ('82, '87, '91) and went to the playoffs in ten of his 16 seasons as head coach? What did Tom Coughlin ever do besides post a 68-60 record as coach of the Jaguars? I remember him doing a good job of getting on the bad side of every player he currently coaches on the New York Giants.

Anyway, here's this asshole's profile on ESPN:



Wow. That's the picture that you chose to broadcast your image to the entire world? A red flannel under what looks like a 'Judas Priest' shirt as you're eating what appears to obviously be a milkshake from Sonic. I say Sonic because those restaurants are only found in awful cities like Pittsburgh, where this jagoff hails from.

I also love the fact that under "Occupation" he has listed "Law Student". While that may seem like a worthwhile endeavor and a most respectable position, this fucking guy was born in 1973. That makes him at least 34 years young and still in Law School. Impressive.

I won't even make fun of the teams he has listed as "Favorite Teams" because do jokes really need to be made about the Pirates, Penguins, Penn State and Rutgers?

So "RytgersjaffoII" congratulations for being our ESPN Member Douchebag! You look like the bastard child of David Spade who just crawled out of his mom's basement to go rent "Clerks" and remember better days.

A Look At Some ESPN Member Douchebags

Welcome to 2008 people...and to our newest feature which Noce stumbled upon by accident, yet still provides endless banter for us. We'll be taking a look at some of the biggest douchebags on ESPN member profiles we can find. The member profile page almost has a myspace feel to it; you have friends (or people who are as gay as you for being on this god forsaken bullshit) you comment on each others wall, and you can post some thoughts. Our first look brings us to member "ESPN4LIFE72".

Wow. With a name like ESPN4LIFE72, you know you're a complete fuckstick. This guy looks like B-Real from Cypress Hill's shit for brain cousin who uses him for weed and the occasion ugly groupie backseat blowjob. Holy shit, where do I begin? Let's start off with what makes ESPN4LIFE72 special: I'd rather be a REAL nobody then a FAKE somebody! Once again, wow. You're stating to everyone you beat your dog with an electric cord when Tony Romo looks at you and you realize you two will never be together. I almost feel sorry for you.

What maybe the biggest sign of douchebaginess is his favorite teams: Cowboys, Braves, Jayhawks, Seminoles, and the ATLANTA HAWKS?!?! If you're going to be epitomy of everything that I can't stand (you bandwaggoning piece of shit), at least pick a decent team. Hmmm..let me guess, Seminole Football and Jawhawk basketball? Go fuck a cow. Completely awful. Speaking of Cows, who calls Dallas Cow Town? This pole smoker. What maybe even funnier is that fact that he claims "not to be a bandwaggoner". No, not at all. Look, I'll give you four of your teams, but not Florida State. I do wonder how often you fondle yourself while thinking it's Bobby Bowden.