Cubs Fans, Welcome Kerry Wood Jr.!

He throws his fastball in the upper 90's with ease. He's got a huge K/9IP ratio. But he's been on the DL 6 times since 2005. Thinking about Kerry Wood after this description? Wrong! Look what you've won Chicago, your very own reincarnation of Wood named Rich Harden! Yay!

Harden and Chad Gaudin come to the North Side after parting ways with Matt "the ginger" Murton, Eric Patterson, Sean Gallager and Single A catcher Josh Donaldson.

According to Dave van Dyck from the Tribune, One other scout who watched said Harden has changed since the injuries, throwing "only fastballs and changeups, no sliders or splitters," and that he topped out about 90-92 m.p.h. on the radar gun. Earlier in the year his fastball had been clocked at 94 m.p.h.

Kinda Santana-esque in the fact that he only really throws two pitches, but Harden is no Santana. And he's only throwing in the low 90's, that's not good. Santana is in the 93-95 range, and while it's not a huge difference, every split-second counts.

Harden has had shoulder, elbow, and oblique issues in the past.

I would be cautiously optimistic if I were a Cubs fan. On one hand, you make a statement right back to the Brewers and the rest of the NL Central that you mean business. You get that 2nd starter really need for the postseason.

On the other, Eric Patterson has looked like a hitting machine from what I've seen in a Cubs uniform, and Gallagher has very good stuff. I was never sold on Matt Murton being an everyday starter for the Cubs, so it's good that he gets a chance to do that in Oakland. I don't know anything about the prospect catcher, but I do know that Chad Gaudin has given the Sox fits before in some spot starts.

Just don't expect anything like a Wednesday, May 6th 1998 performance from Harden. He'll give you 5-6 innings every start, and that should be enough to lead to the bullpen.

Speaking of that particular date, you'd swear it was like fucking Kennedy getting shot with Cubs fans' descriptions:

I sitting in my apartment on grace street right off Clark. I had just gotten a thirty pack of Old Style from the Jewel down the street on Southport. It was a warm, beautiful day when number 34, Kid K, earned his nickname. I received 12 phone calls in span of 10 minutes as he piled up the punch outs. It was so magical...

The Adventures Dr. C and Noce This Past Weekend

I know it's a little late, but I decided to post this anyway. Last weekend was a little ridiculous for me and my ol' buddy Noce. And now you're going to hear about it.

A good friend of ours was in town from Phoenix for the 4th of July, and last Thursday after work Noce and I met up with him, his friend who he brought with him (who was a real fucking odd duck if you know what I mean. He looked like a journalist from Montana who had seen too many steers put down the day before. Plus he asked us if we could hook him up with some blow, which was also strange; we don't dabble in that tomfoolery).

The plan? If you guessed get extremely intoxicated and hit on attractive women, you're correct. So we proceeded to Noce's manor where we started the boozin'.

We had some sort of deal at a club Enclave where it was an hour of free drinks from 9-10 and half off cover, which would have still been $10 after the deal. Let it be known, that I, Dr. C, fucking hate clubs. I enjoy the hot girls there, but would much rather go to a bar.

As usual, we're pretty shit-canned by the time we get there. Only problem is, it's 9:50 by the time we get in line. This did not make the doctor pleased:

Dr. C: So we have to pay twenty dollars to get in this motherfucker now?!
Noce: You'll be fine once you get in there, dude.

(pauses, thinks it over)

Dr. C: Fuck this, I'm not giving away twenty fucking dollars to pay eight dollars a beer. I'm out.

And with that I bolted; destination unknown. Sometimes when I get drunk, I over analyze situations. I don't like my chances for booze being reduced and overpriced when I'm already shitfaced. So I strolled down the street where I stumbled into what I believed was T.G.I. Fridays. I grabbed a stool, got a double jack and coke and surveyed the scene.

The damp, dewy shit hole had equal representation in its Thursday night clientele. An old man next to me who looked like he had been laid off after 32 years at the post office, a younger couple on the verge of fucking in their booth. Garbage.

Luckily, a friend of mine lives just two blocks down the street, and he didn't mind me coming over. So I went there and drank for free.

About three hours later, I get a call from Noce:

Noce: Dude, I'm in a cab
Dr. C: Did you just leave
Noce: Yeah
Dr. C: Come pick my ass up, I'm two blocks away.
(Just as I tell Noce my coordinates, I immediately hear him yelling at the cab driver, fuck, stop, go here, go here in a slightly drunken Noce tone)

As I hop in the Cab, Noce looks like he just took 3 vicodin after eating a thanksgiving meal. He was mush. Dude, I'm fucked up he replies. I laugh.

We pull up outside of his place, and I get out of the cab. Noce is just sitting there. Let's go, Dummy I say to him trying to coax him out. He finally gets out. He takes two steps and collapses onto the car next to him.

Now when I say collapse, I mean complete upper body all over the hood of this SUV.

Dr. C: (laughing) What the fuck are you doing?
Noce: Mmmmmmmumble

So I guide Noce to his bed, and the second I toss him in, he starts making an upchuck face. Normally, using the garbage can next to his head would have been the best option, but I'm kinda drunk so I tried getting him to the toilet. Yeah, not so much. He got most of it in there, but there was some damage done.

Now enter Noce's roommate. He's a former D-1 college lineman measuring in at 6'2", and well over 300 lbs.

Roommate: WHERE THE FUCK IS (NOCE)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dr. C: What happened?
Roommate: THAT MOTHERFUCKER STUCK ME WITH A $350 DOLLAR TAB AT THE BAR!!

(Death and Destruction ensues)

I convinced him to go outside before things were dismantled, and calmed him down. Apparently the group got a bottle at the club which was $265 dollars, plus good old Cook County taxes. Noce wanted shot glasses to go with the bottle, instead he got four shots, $50 in all. While they all agreed to split the cost of the bottle, Noce was going to put the tab on his card and get the money from everyone. He never put the card down. He left it for his roommate. He also never got the money from our friend from Phoenix, and his nose-candying work associate.

I on the other hand, spent less then 20 dollars and drank the rest of the miller lite in Noce's fridge.

Sometimes over analyzing is the right thing to do. Good times.

Programming Note

For those of you lucky college kids home for the summer with nothing to do, or if you're just bored at work, the Bulls take on the Miami Heat in about 10 minutes in the Orlando Summer Leage. Michael Beasley is out of the game, virtually removing any interesting storyline but for the diehards, this game is a must-see.

You can watch the game on your computer via the world wide web and NBA.com - and I highly recommend you do because these announcers are hilarious. They know only about 15 people are listening so they say whatever they want and it's actually really funny.

In the first game today Indiana played Oklahoma City and roughly 90% of the broadcast was spent coming up with hilarious fake names for the new Oklahoma City (god that's fucking annyoing to type) team.

So check it out - take a break from masturbating/Microsoft Excel in your respective states and check out both Vinny Del Negro and Derrick Rose's 1st "game" as a Chicago Bull.

Maybe He Should Take It Easy For a Bit

Derrick Rose participated in the night practice of Saturday’s double sessions for Bulls’ summer-league mini-camp despite battling tendinitis in his right knee.

The No. 1 pick limped noticeably following the morning practice, his knee wrapped in ice, but vowed not to miss games at the Orlando Pro Summer League beginning Monday.

"I’ve been coming 90 minutes early every day to get treatment," Rose said. "I’ll be fine."

Has anyone see video of Rose running these past few days? He's pretty much hobbling up and down the court.

Rose said the condition dates to his one season at Memphis and developed for noble reasons.

"I was scared I wouldn’t have a good season, so I would stay in the gym for like four hours until I got tendinitis," he said. "Coach (John Calipari) had to tell the managers don’t let me in no more because I was tearing up my knees and I had to keep getting MRIs. I just wanted to prove people wrong and let them know that I was going to play hard. That’s just the way I think."

I'm very glad he's opposite of Michael Beasley in that he wants to spend every minute of his day maximizing his abilities, but shouldn't the kid be watched very closely at this point?

Judging from my posting nickname, you would think I would have a say in this, and here's my prognosis:

Let him play this week, but play him maybe a little less then you normally would if he wasn't hobbling around the court.

82 games is a long season, and there's plenty of time for him to adjust to playing in the league. While I think it's good that he goes out there and starts to get a feel for how high can he lob the alley-oop the lob for Tyrus, or how much listerine he should keep near him for Noah's breath, he has plenty of time.

If Paxson and Del Negro really don't want to burden him right away with lofty expectations, then there should be no need to push him during these meaningless games.

Another reason (from Wikipedia): Chronic overuse of tendons leads to microscopic tears within the collagen matrix, which gradually weakens the tissue.

Due to their highly specialised ultrastructure, low level of vascularization and slow collagen turnover, tendons and ligaments are very slow to heal if injured, and rarely regain their original strength. Partial tears heal by the rapid production of disorganized type-III collagen, which is weaker than normal tendon. Recurrence of injury in the damaged region of tendon is common.

If you try to push him too much, you run the risk of him getting tears in his knees. He's only 19, and he had to get a shitload of MRI's in college for this. Tears lead to time on the DL, and that leads to an even slower development then if he takes it easy and allows his tendons to strengthen.

I'm sure if you're like me, you're very excited to watch him play today. But let's not forget; there's plenty of time to enjoy Mr. Rose. He must continue to grow before he can blossom.

He Gone? White Sox ponder announcer Jackson's future

Just when I was finally coming to terms with the nightly trainwreck that White Sox broadcaster Darrin Jackson calls "work", the Sox are going to up and oust him from his perch inside Ken "Hawk" Harrleson's nest and replace him with Chicago's go-to baseball guy: Steve Stone.

The Chicago Tribune is reporting today that the Sox have yet to announce whether they plan on picking up an option for DJ, who has actually made it through nine seasons of White Sox baseball defending his anemic .257 batting average every chance he gets.

DJ is supposed to be the "color" guy (not colored guy you racist assholes) but he often loses his train of thought during one of his pointless diatribes and reverts back to aimlessly stumbling over even the most pedestrian statistical references.

Jackson and Hawk, notorious homers, have been known to go long portions of innings without uttering a word, and when DJ finally tries to interrupt the awkward silence, he usually says retarded things like his thoughts on how the DH allows pitchers to throw inside more to lefties during home games.

DJ also has managed to change his manner of speaking to imitate Hawk's Southern draw and it only makes him that much more annyoing, especially when he opens the broadcast with his patented "Howdy folks" line. It's usually at that point when I chug an entire beer to get myself towards his level of thinking.



I think Stone would be a nice change of pace to DJ's usual pointless banter because Stone does have a lot of knowledge about the game. I worry that he and Hawk will have a lot of bumps in the road along the way though, because both are very opinionated people and Hawk can be somewhat of a jackass at times.

I'm curious to see how this will all play out, because I know that Hawk does like DJ and they do have the power to say whatever they want on air, at least it seems like it because they talk about some stupid shit sometimes, so if this turns into and ugly feud you might hear some of Hawk or even DJ's thoughts on the matter during another meaningless Brian Anderson at bat.

What the Hell Am I Doing At Work?

That's the thought I ponder as I sit at my desk. This day is going to be looooong. With that in mind, I'll try to post a few more times today to help you if you're trapped in the same predictament as myself.

I've decided that Keeley Hazell is my new flavor of the week. Previous participants include Jennifer Walcott, Scarlett Johanssen, Lindsay Lohan circa Mean Girls, Lacey Chabert, Jenny McCarthy back in that terrible MTV show Singled Out, and well, the list goes on. If you look at the tags for this post, you will see my coined phrase if only I had a brick. Feel free to use it.

Speaking of hot women, there is nothing better then walking around the city these days with all these hot chicks in tight white or black pants. Please continue this trend, ladies. You're the only reason I wake up in the morning. That and my ringing headache from too many 7 & 7's. If you too are little on the hungover side, take this prescription: 1 or 2 Vitamin Water Revive's, and 2 advil. You'll thank about an hour afterwards.

For the weekend send off song/video, I'm feeling some classic rock is in order. I give you Roundabout by Yes. 8 minutes of groove, and possibly one of the best basslines in a song in the past 36 years.

Announcement

First off, the busty blonde to the right is a friend of mine. She was a Luvabull a year ago, and now she models all over the place. Nevermind the Ben Wallace shirt. Oh, you didn't notice? Good, neither did I.

Second, We wanted to get some different voices on Chicago Bull, so we asked reader/commenter/correcter of my terrible use of the English language Stalkingerinandrews to contribute. StalkingEA will post when he feels like, and today he's a little concerned about Mr. Rose. Take it away, StalkingEA:

A Plea to Derrick Rose

Wow. My first actual blog post. This is such a magical time when a lowly commenter becomes a lowly blogger...Wait, what!? I'm putting myself on Buzz Bissinger's hate list? Does this mean my wife is kicking me out and the only available room is in my parents basement? Crap. Ah, the days of last week when I was just a commenter making wise-ass remarks on various blogs. *sigh* Good times. (Editor's note: for future reference, attempting to be less gay when writing will supremely enhance the quality of your posts. - Noce)

The rest of this post is aimed at Derrick Rose. If anyone can get him to read this, by all means please show it to him.

Derrick, the city of Chicago already loves you, and you haven’t even played a game yet. We all have high hopes for you and the Bulls, and we want you to bring as much success as possible to yourself and Chicago.

That being said, please stay out of any more trouble. Just go to your court date, ask for leniency, and never get on the wrong side of the law again.

We here in the Chicago area have been plagued by star athletes who just can’t stay out of trouble, and we don’t want to see you go down the same path. Scottie Pippen was caught with a gun in his car, Lance Briggs crashed his Lamborghini and ran away, Cedric Benson can’t drive anything motorized while sober, and Tank Johnson’s crimes are too numerous to list here, just to name a few.



While your 106 mph speeding ticket was minor compared to these, nobody wants to see you progress to anything worse. Now, I realize it’s fun to put the hammer down on a machine that will take it, especially out in the country. Hell, I live not too far from where you got stopped. If you really want to come out my way and test the limits of some car, I know stretches of road where the cops won’t be. Just let me know.

But for now, please, PLEASE, just lay low, play some ball, and work on bringing some joy to Chicago and Bulls fans everywhere. Thanks, Derrick, I know you’ll do the right thing.