Hester Set To Return?

That's what the Chicago Sun-Times and WSCR 670 the Score are reporting this morning. After holding out for two days, Hester showed up to Olivet Nazarene University this morning. He still has a physical pending, but show be fine to return to practice this afternoon at 3pm.

This is a win-win for both Hester and the Bears.

For Hester, a chance to get in quickly to learn the offense down pat. If I had a dollar for every time Mushin Muhammad had to literally grab him and set him in position like a parent does with their child convincing them they can get out of the time out chair soon, I would be drinking a couple free cases of Miller Lite. Hester has to get lots of reps doing catching drills so that Grossman or Orton can hit him on the fly routes with the confidence he can turn the play into 6 if it's open. I do not like the idea of sending him over the middle; that can be for those old asses Booker and Brandon Lloyd. Hester should only be running fly, slant and out patterns.

On top of that, it shows respect to Bears management and more importantly coaches and teammates that's he committed to getting better and ready for the upcoming season.

For the Bears, it's one less distraction off the field they have to have put in their face everyday after grueling two-a-days. No one wants to be there, and after running gassers no one wants to hear the same stupid fucking questions that the players have no conrol over.

Do you want Devin Here?
-Yes

Is Devin important to the team?
-Yes

Does Devin like eggs?
-Yes

It's all the same line of questioning in order to get your stupid fucking 12 second actuality (also known as quote, or sot for you tv types).

It appears that Hester is willing to wait as long as it takes to get a deal done, but if I'm Jerry Angelo, I do not pull a similar situation that John Paxson recently faced with Luol and BG.

They blew because of the looming contract deals they didn't get. The last thing the Bears need is for Hester to start muffling catches and punt returns.

Get this deal done as soon as possible. Let the Windy City Flyer focus on what he does best: being rediculous.

Wrestling with Long Wang..Not Just An Afternoon Endeavor

When the University of North Carolina goes out to recruit for athletes, apparently even hilariously suggestive names don't get in the way of a full scholarship.

Meet Long Wang, freshman wrestler for the Tar Heels and owner of the funniest athlete name since Mike Hunt.

I can only hope that his name in Chinese means something like "Walks Through Walls" but in English it means his life is full of shame and ridicule.

The only way his name could be funnier would be if his middle name was "Phuckin", in which case I would assume his parents are in fact, the funniest people ever to have lived.

If I were wrestling against this guy, I'd tell everyone in the stands to wait until he is introduced over the loudspeaker and do something like this...

Announcer: "Now wrestling at the 160lb. weight class, from Cary, NC: LONG WANG"

Opposing fans: "PROVE IT!"

I'm here all week folks.

Darwinism At It's Finest

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian man's dare went horribly wrong when he tried to play chicken with cars on a freeway wearing only his underwear. The 18 year old was critically injured after being hit by a four-wheel drive on a freeway in the southern city of Melbourne in the early hours of Wednesday, police said in a statement.

"Police are dismayed at the utter stupidity of a man who decided to play chicken on the Tullamarine Freeway," the statement said.

"It was lucky nobody was killed as a result and police couldn't believe anybody would be foolish enough to take such grave risks with their personal safety and that of other road users." The driver and passenger in the car were unhurt, though the vehicle was a write-off.

No words needed. Just Death.

Wow...Just Wow

Remember when you were a kid, and you were sitting with your friends at the lunch table showing off your baseball cards as if they were thoroughbred horses?

Fucking-A right you were proud of your 1990 Donruss collection. Delino DeShields, Bip Roberts, you fuckin' had'em all. You were a little Billy Beane; always trying to convince the kid next to you who smelled like diaper shit that trading away his Griffey rookie card for the entire Cubs battery was a great idea.

Remember? Of course you do! I'm sure it seems just like yesterday you were finishing your closing arguments that Damon Barryhill was an up-and-comer like fucking Matlock. Shit, you were even willing to throw in this good condition Mark Grace card!

Yeah, those were the times. Though we've grown older and had our baseball cards lost, trashed by parents, or whatever the circumstances; we have fantasy sports to make those preposterous trades now. Trade me Carlos Zambrano for Johnny Cueto. Come on man, Cueto struck out 10 in his first game!

You see, there's fun in doing that. It's so fucking stupid that it's funny! It will never work, but you tried anyways!

And that must be the reason why Chicago Tribune columnist like Mike Downey came out with an article today saying the Bears should trade Brian Urlacher for Brett Favre:.

I had an idea. The deal of the century. The deal of any century. The most talked-about trade in the history of trades.

Brian Urlacher for Brett Favre.

It would shock every NFL jock. It would be the biggest thing in football since George Halas was a Leatherhead.

What a whopper—54 for 4.

I love Urlacher, but he seemed unhappy with his contract, or at least he did until Monday's news that he had signed an extension.

I love Favre, but he is unhappy with his status.

Green Bay would get a linebacker who is only 30. His neck and back are not in mint condition, so who knows how many good years he has left?

Chicago would get a quarterback who is 38. He is a little gray and grizzly, yes, but even in his worst year he beats what the Bears have now.

It was win-win, baby.

I asked Burke Griffin what he thought.

You see that? What a fuckin' funny guy! He's comparing these two, and asking for approval...

But there's a problem here, Mike. See, you've got it the other way around. Your buddy Burke Griffin up in Green Bay should be selling you on this proposal. He should be telling why his Damon Barryhill is worth your Ken Griffey Jr.

And that's the point I'm making. Are you really that hard up for a column? I do this shit jokingly and I guess you were, too. But me, as the reader of the paper, don't need you to do this for me. I do it on my own on a daily basis.

Your job in case you forgot, is to fucking report. To bring your opinion as a columnist from your years of insight you have. Tell me shit I don't know. Bring me, the sports fan, NEWS.

This isn't news, nor opinion.

This is you fucking jacking off on your BlackBerry with laughter because this is rivalry-rebelrouser of an idea you have is actually going into print.

No, I guess 4 for 54 can't happen.

Isn't there something else the Bears could offer them for 4?

For starters, how about your genius fucking trade proposals? Next up, A.J. Hawk for Steve McNair! Oh wait, he's not playing anymore? Fuck it, it will make for great feedback!

The Cubs Are Worth How Much?

Courtesy of Stalking EA:

To this point, they have marketed the ballpark experience -- the sunshine, the ivy, the liquid refreshments. And it has been a huge seller. It's why analysts say a sale of the Cubs and Wrigley could bring $1 billion.

One Billion Dollars!

Even if the Cubs do win the World Series this year, I find it hard to believe they are worth that much more than the 2001 sale of the Boston Red Sox. They sold for $660 million, more than twice the Cleveland Indians sale of $320 million the year before.

Let's compare Boston and the Cubs for a moment. With the Red Sox, you get Fenway Park, one of the most storied baseball parks in the country, not unlike Wrigley with the Cubs. The problem with Wrigley is the major renovations the park will need. As they say, she ain't what she used to be. Will a new ownership group take the attendance and revenue hit that comes with possibly playing a season in another park, like Milwaukee or the Cell, while Wrigley is rebuilt?

What about Boston's other big asset, NESN? That's the North Eastern Sports Network for those who don't know. The Red Sox own that network, are broadcast exclusively on that network, and it was a part of the package deal. The Cubs own a 25% share in Comcast, but hell, they don't even broadcast all of their games there.

The Cubs' payroll is just over $118 mil, which is less than Boston's $133 mil, but the Cubs' will balloon to about $150 mil next year with back loaded contracts. I still don't see where someone will pay more to spend more.

Is the aura and mystique of a team that hasn't won in 100 years enough to push the selling price of the franchise into the 10 digit range? I think not. I could see the Cubs going in the $700 - $750 million range, due to inflation and attendance records, but 50% more than the Boston Red Sox of 7 years ago? The Cubs just don't have the assets that Boston has.

Here's the interesting part: The Cubs say their cash flow was $31 million last year. Somebody is going to spend $1 billion in order to have a relatively skimpy $31 million to throw around?

If Mark Cuban or one of the other interested groups wants to pony up $1 billion, more power to them. I just don't see how a deal for that much money will pay up in the end.

Bears, Urlacher come to terms on new deal

The Bears put their money where their mouth is today and essentially just gave middle linebacker Brian Urlacher 6 million reasons to show up at training camp tomorrow.

ESPN's Michael Smith is now reporting that the McCaskeys continue to amaze Bears fans by opening up their wallets even more this offseason:.

Urlacher, 30, had four years and approximately $25.5 million remaining on his contract. Under the terms of the upgraded deal, Urlacher will receive a $6 million signing bonus along with a $1 million bump in salary each of the next four years. The sides also have agreed to extend the pact into 2012, at a salary of $7.5 million. Urlacher can earn an additional $500,000 in a workout bonus in 2012.

That's a total of roughly $43.5 million over the next five years, with $18 million in new money for the six-time Pro Bowler and four-time All Pro.

Here's to hoping that back and neck of his stay healthy for the remainder of this new contract. For those wondering, his original contract signed back in 2003 was scheduled to pay him $3.95 million (2008), $4.95 million (2009), $6.15 million (2010) and $7.35 million (2011). That was for 56.655 million with 18 mil. guaranteed, the richest contract in Bears history.

Now that Urlacher can finally stop bitching, that leaves No. 1 pick Chris Williams and Devin Hester with contracts yet to be resolved. From what I've heard and read, Williams and the Bears are close to having a deal done.

Hester? No one's really sure to this point. Before the contract was signed, the Bears were $13 million under the cap space. This pay increase should raise that total, and it will be interesting to see how the Bears go about paying Hester. Go front-loaded and forget about Favre? We'll have to how this plays out as the players head to "Bear"bonnais tomorrow.

The Dark Bobby Knight

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