Mark Buehrle vs. The Space Heater

/Buehrle enters dugout after getting shelled by the Twins to the tune of 5.2IP, 9H, 7R, 7ER

(Innermonologue) MOTHERFUCKER! HOW COULD I THROW SUCH DOGSHIT TO A SHITTY NO-NAME TEAM! FUCK! First Jamie said no more sex until I get a win, and now this. FUCK!

(Enters Dugout)

The FUCK you looking at, Space Heater?! Yeah you, MOTHERFUCKER! WHAT..ARE..YOU..LOOKING AT?! I'm talking to you! Do you know who I am? You fucking know damn well who I am! I'm the guy who barely reaches 88! I'm the guy with a beard from St. Louis! I'm guy sexually depraved for the past month! FUCK YOU!

(Silence still from the Space Heater)

No acknowledgement?! FUCK IT!

(Grabs Juan Uribe's bat)

Uribe: NO USE BAT! NO USE BAT!

Buehrle: Fuck off, Juan! LAMA MIS BOLAS!

(Starts beating the shit of the space heater to no avail)

Buehrle: Aww...Fuck it. I can't even beat a space heater. Wish I had a heater. All I can do is throw batting practice.

Uribe: Buuly..Can you teach Juan hit like that? Juan no see nothing like that in long time.

Buehrle: Forget it Juan. Va la cogida su madre.

Uribe: Juan forget to speak spanish. Juan no know what means.

Buehrle: I SAID GO FUCK YOUR MOTHER!

Uribe: That no nice. Juan go listen to Grandpa Contreras talk Octopus

(Buehrle exits, Uribe inspects Space Heater for Clues)

(Uribe Innermonologue) Man, Juan take home and think this one out. If help fastball hit, it worth shot...

The Hatred Grows Stronger Everyday...

By the pure grace of God, Uribe managed to get a hit to lead off the third inning, followed by a Toby Hall double down the third line. Runners on Second and Third, no fucking outs. And what happens? Cabrera manages to ground to puss arm Eckstein to only have the FUCKING JACKASS TO THE RIGHT NOT MOVE!!!!

BLUE JAYS 1,
WHITE SOX 0

FUCK URIBE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Season May Very Well Be Over, But...

There is some good news for those of you, who like me actually became interested in the most irrelevent team outside of the Fire. According to the Tribune's Teddy Greenstein, or Teddy KGB as he's known on Mac, Jurko, and Harry;


The playoffs are nearly out of reach for the Blackhawks, but team President John McDonough continues to think big. Big as in 82. McDonough is determined to have all 82 Blackhawks games televised next season.

As many as 25-30 could go on free, non-cable TV. WGN-Ch. 9, which carried Hawks games in the 1960s and early '70s, and WPWR-Ch. 50 are two possible landing spots

It's amazing to think in just 6 months since the Dollar Bill passed, the Blackhawks have gone from the I could give a rat's ass file to hey, did you see the Hawks game last night? mentality here in Chicago. While most people could still give a flying fuck about Hockey here, it's a noticable difference in how the buzz has been created. Notes Greenstein;

"Ticket sales {are up} 45 percent over last season and page views on blackhawks.nhl.com up 67 percent."

I honestly think Rocky Wirtz deserves some sort of award. First, he hired John McDonough. Then he went straight to Comcast to get some games on TV. Now, it certainly helped that the 'Hawks have played fairly well this year, but if the Chicago Fire or Sky went on a 12 game winning streak I've be just as excited as an got an extra chicken nugget in my 5-piece from Wendy's. Actually, I would be more excited for the nugget now that I think about it.

Anyways, it's nice to see (literally) that there will be something to look forward to when the Bulls start their shitty circus trip to finish 2-9 during that period this upcoming November. Even with baseball starting up less then two weeks away, I'll be very excited to see if the Hawks can add some vets as well as cut loose Martin "I'm huge pussy" Havlat.

And if the Sox start slow...you can guarantee some more Hawks shit here...that and Uribe verbal bashing.