Your 2008 AL Central Champs: Chicago White Sox

It's 10:30 now here in Chicago, and I must have seen the A.J. Pierzynski tag on Michael Cuddyer at least 25 times by now, and I plan on watching it at least 25 more times tonight.

What a prick.

It almost seems like you can see him say to Cuddyer "you're out" after showing him the ball. And I fucking love it.

You would be hard pressed to find a player more hated by every fan base in the Amercian League and here on the north side of town then Anthony John Pierzynski. AROD? Close, but no cigar. And it's the little things that he does that make me as a White Sox fan think of him as a complete prick but at the same time love him for what he does.

With Cuddyer at third, Danks threw a pitch in the dirt that A.J. lost track of for a mere second, but had the baseball I.Q. to try to fake Cuddyer out as though he had lost the ball. It's the little things that A.J. has done, from running to first after the "dropped" third strike in game 2 of the ALCS, and more recently him drawing the interference call against the Rays whom they will face Thursday in Tampa.

Looking back on the season, there's three things have have really stuck out as to how they got to the postseason:

- The maturation of Danks and Floyd
- The emergence of Quentin and Ramirez
- The veteran leadership of Thome and Konerko

First: Danks and Floyd. I'm not going to reiterate how they came over, because if you're a sox fan, and you're reading this blog...you should know. If you don't; put your cubs hat back on. Danks was shut down in September last year for scuffling so bad, and when the Sox traded Garcia to Floyd, you'd of thought they'd were having parades in the streets of Philly to get rid of Gavin. That just goes to show you this season what Don Cooper means to this staff. To turn Garcia, Garland, Contreras, Danks, Floyd all into pitchers whom you would rather not face when they're on.

Second: Quentin and Ramirez. Both of these guys were nowhere near the discussion of being apart of this team heading into the season. So what did they did do once given the chance to play everyday? Combine for 58 home runs and over 175 RBI's. Before Quentin broke his wrist, he was the leading MVP candidate for the AL, and while Longoria in my mind deserves the AL ROY, the Cuban Missile made it very close in the long run. Without these two, the end up tied with the Royals for 4th place if not worse.

Third: Thome and Konerko: Let's face it: they didn't do a whole lot when you look at he broad spectrum. HOWEVER, they made it happen when they needed to. Konerko started off decent enough until he hurt his hand and then his oblique, which made him powerless for a good two months. After he got back, he struggled mightly until the end of August when he helped J.D. get the team the AL Central lead up 2 and a half games. Thome? You saw what happened tonight.

This was a team that nobody predicted would do shit, and the same goes to the Minnesota Twins, who in my opinion should have been the winner of the division.

The coin flip rule is complete horse shit. The Twins were 10-8 versus the Sox, and this game should have been played in the house of horrors that is the Metrodome. I sure as shit will not complain, but if the circumstances were flipped, this is what I would bitching about.

Twins fans, if you're pissed, I completely understand.

That said: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

FUCK YOU!!!!

I'm very excited for the playoffs starting on Thursday in another house of horrors that is the Trop, but at the same time; this is an awesome game to watch.

One of my friends texted me after the 5th inning ended that this was the most exciting game he had ever seen (sarcasm alert for retards). I texted back that it was very similar to game 4 of the '05 series that didn't have a run scored until the top of the 8th thanks to a J.D. single that scored Willie Harris.

Although the go ahead run was a 461-ft blast to center instead of a single to center, the end result remained the same with similar spectacular plays in the 9th.

Instead of Juan Uribe diving into the stands to record the second out of the inning, it was Brian Anderson making a great diving catch to end the game, capping the division that seemed so far gone after the 3 game sweep less then a week before.

I have no idea what Ozzie's pitching match-ups for the season will be, but here's my inebriated suggestion:

Game 1: Vazquez
Game 2: Buehrle
Game 3: Floyd
Game 4: Danks
Game 5: Buehrle

Vazquez has been pitching like a fuckface recently, but he has the freshest arm, and if you lose game 1, not a big deal. You'll still have your more consistent 3 ahead of him pitching the rest of the way. I would also have no problem with pitching Clayton Richard (aka Clay Dick) in game 1. Richard seems more likely to have a good 5 innings then Vazquez would given what we've seen lately.

For the first time in 102 years, the Cubs and White Sox will be participating in October, and while I don't really like the Cubs, I'll be watching both teams very closely. Part of me hates the Cubs, and the other part doesn't have a problem with them because so many of my friends are die hard Cubs fans.

I want my friends to get the feeling of winning a World Series, and the other part wants them to go to fall classic only to fall on their fucking face. It's a very fine line with the Cubs. But no matter what happens in the long run: this has been a very special summer in Chicago for the entire city.

May the best team win...and may the White Sox prevail.

Tight Pennant Race? More Booze For Ozzie, Please

I can identify with Ozzie Guillen for many reasons other then just being the manager of the White Sox. He likes to speak his mind, and does so with lots of profanity just like me...Hmm, on the other hand Ozzie is Venezulean, married, has kids, played in the majors and makes millions. I'm white, single, no kids (that I know of), played little league and make thousands. Maybe that's the only thing. Oh wait, we also share the need to kick back with a copious amount of booze to unwind from a stressful day at work.

Whether it's fitting in with others:
"I am their friend. If they don't buy me a beer, they disrespect me."

Making a decision on tough issues:
"I don't know," Guillen said. "I need to get drunk and think about it."

Or celebrating:
"The only thing I remember is the base hit [Alexei] Ramirez got yesterday to right field to win the game," Guillen said of the Sox' thrilling victory Sunday over the Tampa Bay Rays -- the AL East's new first-place team. "There was a lot of vodka between that game and today, believe me."

Ozzie and Dr. C agree that there's nothing like a good stiff drink. But what I'm being to wonder:

Do you think Ozzie has ever been drunk while coaching? Baseball would be the easiest sport to get hammered and not really have anyone notice. You've got 9 innings to sober if you get drunk before hand, and with a couple mints you'd be good to go for postgame interviews.

And besides, Ozzie's so fucking crazy who would even be able to tell if was half in the bag?

LIVE-BLOG: 1ST HALF BEARS-CHIEFS

And were underway! If you're following along, you can comment. We don't mind, call me a fuckface, whatever, just start your drinking.

Alright, sorry this was part of a limited selection of pictures on my computer. I didn't feel like running around Google images. So far, 3 and 3, Croyle boot legged on two bears defenders in the background, first down, and then a throw to the tight end for a first down...PEANUT SHOULD HAVE HAD THAT PICK!

Briggs gets his ankles broken on a short pass to Jamaal Charles, and Larry Johnson has huge holes to work with for his first few carries.

Good pressure from Mark Anderson forced the Croyle incomplete pass. No drinking as of yet, but I'm sure with Orton coming up that won't be long. Time-out called, 10 plays run so far off the opening drive.

Didnt see the first down, but a nice play by AB coming off the end to stop LJ for a 6 yard loss. 3 and 15. MOTHERFUCK! Fucking cover 2 was wide open where it should have been 15 yards down the sideline, Chiefs are first and goal.

Johnson fumbles, but recovers, second and goal. Flag on the play...holding OFFENSE, #65..10 yard penalty, repeat second down.

Aaaand were off to a great start. 3rd and 5, the defensive waaaay over pur-fucking-sue and Larry Johnson runs right up the middle untouched until he's in for 6.

CHIEFS 7, BEARS 0

I don't feel like waiting. Fuck this, I'm opening the first Miller Lite.

Orton claims "he's playing the best football of his life during this training camp". We'll see. First pass is complete for 3 yards on a little dump off to Forte. Forte's first NFL carry is for a first down! 1 and 10...same play, not so much.

Orton finds Daivs, he's 2 for 2 so far. Were 3 minutes from the end of the third, and so far, NO FUCKING DRINKING! Ooooh someone's going to die tonight. Yeah, of fucking dehydration.

HOORAY! ORTON PASS KNOCKED DOWN, DRINK!!

Oh wait, that was third down? Damn. Oh well. Fuck it, it's the preseason. Doesn't look the Bears front D is doing much. Nice help from Brandon McGowan. 3rd and 22, Croyle completes but its well short. Flag is for holding, 4th down.

Hester's out to return, and predictably doesn't get a chance to do anything with it. Get used to it people, nobody in their right fucking mind is going to kick to him at any time this year. And flag is down thanks to dumbfuck McGowan for an illegal block.

If I really wanted people to get fucked up, I would have made penalties a drinking category. Things to remember for the upcoming season.

END OF FIRST QUARTER: CHIEFS 7, BEARS 0

Forte was stopped right away, and that's a 1 yard gain in my book, but I'm taking the 2 drinks anyways. Orton to Forte for a first down. Hey Jack fucking Daniels, you do have receivers. There's not 10 people blocking.

He's way too tentative right now (Orton). He's going through his progressions, but not giving them any time to separate. Forte so far has looked pretty good: good hands, a burst through the hole. 3rd and 8.

ORTON INCOMPLETE FOR BRADLEY, DRINK!

I think Orton will be done for the day if Lovie wants to keep it to the first half for Orton and Grossman. If that's the case, Orton lets Grossman have the chance to shine. He had one decent pass to Davis, everything else was dink-dunk.

Jamaal Charles is quickly learning that his 4.3 40 is not going to do much in the NFL when you go east/west instead of north/south. Chiefs go 3 and out, Damon Huard is now in for the Chiefs.

FUCKING SPECIAL TEAMS! 15 yarder on Forte. Go get me another beer, rook.

Orton is back out there...there you go Orton. 16 yards on a curl to Hester. A hand off to McKie? EVERYONE DRINK FOR RON TURNER'S FUCKING GENIUS CALL. Orton to Bradley, he might be finally getting some rhythm now. 3 and 1, and Forte gets 2 and a half, move the chains.

I hate when the Bears run tosses, it never works out. Forte got about 4, but Olsen is flagged for holding. Holding will be the new 1 drink addition from here on out.

RON TURNER IS SHOWN AND LOOKS PUZZLED!!!! DRINK A BEER!!!! and a great throw to Clark, but that doesn't solve much! Way to go, Orton. You clumsy fuck. No more running around with the ball for you. Robbie Gould aka Curious George is good from 43, and so far my prediction to Noce on what the score would be at halftime is dead-on.

CHIEFS 7, BEARS 3

Grossman will be heading into the game on the next Bears possession. For those of you following along, so far I've had one and half Miller Lites. I'm so fucking drunk it's rediculous.

I don't know about you, but I was thinking this could have been a complete mess of alcohol.

BEARS SACK, ANTHONY ADAMS!!! TWO DRINKS!! TWO MILLER LITES FINISHED!

Fuck! Anderson should have made it back to back sacks! Huard did a nice job of escaping the rush. Anderson has been playing well so far. Bears defense has shut them down since the opening drive. Chiefs only make up half of a 3rd and 20 and here comes the Sex Cannon.

Hester actually gets a chance to return the punt, but doesn't get anywhere. Grabbing two more beers in anticipation of Grossman. MOTHERFUCKING SPECIAL TEAMS! 3 PUNTS TO THE BEARS, 3 FLAGS ON THE RECEIVING TEAM. Like what you're seeing, Dave Toub???

Grossman first pass complete for 3 yards. The other AP for 16 yards, and follow that up with 20 yard pass from Rex to Brandon Lloyd.

So far, so good for Rex. REX TO PETERSON, LOSS OF THREE, DRINK!

Orton's final numbers: 7-10, 56 yards. Grossman has plenty of time to throw, but steps awkwardly into the throw and its well out of bounds. Olsen was well covered. Another fucking special teams flag that's declined. Ball was almost downed at the one by D. Manning but not so much. Why are they reviewing this shit? Who fucking cares, it's going to be at the 20 no matter what. They declined the fucking penalty in the first place.

All that shit for just 5 yards. Wow. 1 and 10 at the 25, Jamaal Charles for 8 yards. He's looking pretty good. A draw to Charles out of a shotgun 4 wide just barely moves the chains.

They just showed Mike Brown on the sidelines, and he looks like a ghetto fucking chia pet. Deep pass to Maurice Price moves the ball to midfield. Odds on Price making the Chiefs, slim to none. Ball knocked down on the next play by David Haugh's man crush, Marcus Harrison. 3rd and 5. Huard no problem to whoever the fuck is #80.

Replay shows Kevin Payne is fuckstick. Well done biting on the pumpfake. Fourth grade called, it wants to call you a stupidhead, Payne.

Fade route to Maurice price, and guess who almost got burned again? That's right, call 911. Trumaine McBride would like his stuffed elephant Barbar ready.

I'm too pissed off typing and don't even bother to look up as the Chiefs score again.

CHIEFS 14, BEARS 3

A final run by AP finishes the first half. Not much of a first half for the Bears. Grossman looked better then Orton in my estimation. Was a lot more comfortable in the pocket. Forte and Peterson both did pretty well. The Bears receiving corp gets an incomplete because there wasn't much to base any thoughts on. They might have been out place at times, but we don't know where or when they were supposed to be.

As for the Defense, they were really porous. Larry Johnson had plenty of room to run, as did Jamaal Charles. Defensive Ends did not stick to holding their areas and overpursued way too often. The linebackers were a non-factor. The secondary was out of place and allowed plenty of throwing lanes. Oh well.

As for the drinking game, after the first half I've had 2 and half beers. Totally wasted, bro.

ANNOUNCEMENT: LIVE-BLOG TONIGHT OF BEARS-CHIEFS!!!

Judging from the comments we've been receiving about the drinking rules, there's only one to show you that:

A: It won't be that bad
B: I'm more of an alcoholic then I previously imagined
C: We can find out just how drunk you can really get!

With that in mind, I'll be live-blogging at least the first half (depending on shitty I get). Think about it, it's a two for one deal: you get to play along with me if you dare, and if you don't feel like getting shitfaced but want to know how it turns out, you'll have me!

Now, I should be have the first post up right at 7, so if you're not doing anything, come and join as type out my anger that the Bears still can't run the ball! It will be lots of fun!

*This is Dr. C's Liver here...fuck you, Dr. C

Jamar Smith: Too Much Drinky

From Stalkingerinandrews

Jamar Smith turned himself in at the Champaign County Jail early Tuesday afternoon on a warrant for his arrest stemming from a petition to revoke his probation.

Such a waste.

Jamar Smith showed a lot of promise at Illinois, leading the Big Ten in 3-point shooting as a freshman. Now, he’s just a douchebag. What kind of a man (and I use the term loosely) leaves his “friend” to die in a car after a crash? Another female student had to call an ambulance to come rescue Brian Carlwell, but this was after Smith drove the car back to his apartment complex.

Whaaaat? You crash, your “friend” is badly injured, but you drive home and leave him in the car? What a piece of crap!

But, I’m venting on an old story. Jamar Smith violated his probation by drinking alcohol over the weekend. Doesn’t almost killing someone, let alone a teammate and supposed friend, open your eyes?

Doesn’t the threat of losing a promising basketball career make you look at the straight and narrow?

Smith is a crucial part of Illinois' prospects for the next two seasons. The coaching staff and teammates consider him to be the team's best player, and his shooting prowess was sorely missed as Illinois struggled to a 16-19 record last season. If Smith is not allowed to return to the team, the Illini figure to be in for a struggle once again.

So you not only tank your career, but an entire team’s season, just to have a few drinks on the weekend. Brilliant. Technically, he’s not off the team yet, but I fully expect it to happen by the weekend.

Actually, I think I want him off the team. If he’s not going to show any respect or remorse towards the U of I and his teammates, maybe he shouldn’t be there. Even Champaign area fans don’t want him on the team anymore. Good luck, Jamar, and have a nice time in jail, where they will be scoring you by the 3’s.

Reuters Just Keeps Giving The Goods

A post about the two great comebacks by the White Sox this past two days? Meh. A post about the Cubs signing their first pick in the draft? Not really.

A post about a drunk who decides to become a firefighter? Now were fuckin' talking!

Firefighters called to a blaze at an apartment building in a southern German town were astonished to discover a fully equipped extremely drunk imposter in their ranks, police said on Thursday.

On hearing the alarm, the 38-year-old man had rushed to the fire station, was helped into protective clothing and helmet by unsuspecting firefighters and boarded the fire engine, a spokesman for Suedhessen police said.

After arriving at the apartments, firefighters quickly realized the man was an imposter and called the police, he added.

"When fire breaks out, it's all hands on deck!" the man told officers when questioned about his motives. He was released without charge after sobering up overnight in a police cell.

When a fire breaks out, it's all hands on deck. When a fight breaks out in the White Sox dugout, it's all hands on Orlando Cabrera. Good Job Contreras. It's the first hitter you've held in check all year.

The Adventures Dr. C and Noce This Past Weekend

I know it's a little late, but I decided to post this anyway. Last weekend was a little ridiculous for me and my ol' buddy Noce. And now you're going to hear about it.

A good friend of ours was in town from Phoenix for the 4th of July, and last Thursday after work Noce and I met up with him, his friend who he brought with him (who was a real fucking odd duck if you know what I mean. He looked like a journalist from Montana who had seen too many steers put down the day before. Plus he asked us if we could hook him up with some blow, which was also strange; we don't dabble in that tomfoolery).

The plan? If you guessed get extremely intoxicated and hit on attractive women, you're correct. So we proceeded to Noce's manor where we started the boozin'.

We had some sort of deal at a club Enclave where it was an hour of free drinks from 9-10 and half off cover, which would have still been $10 after the deal. Let it be known, that I, Dr. C, fucking hate clubs. I enjoy the hot girls there, but would much rather go to a bar.

As usual, we're pretty shit-canned by the time we get there. Only problem is, it's 9:50 by the time we get in line. This did not make the doctor pleased:

Dr. C: So we have to pay twenty dollars to get in this motherfucker now?!
Noce: You'll be fine once you get in there, dude.

(pauses, thinks it over)

Dr. C: Fuck this, I'm not giving away twenty fucking dollars to pay eight dollars a beer. I'm out.

And with that I bolted; destination unknown. Sometimes when I get drunk, I over analyze situations. I don't like my chances for booze being reduced and overpriced when I'm already shitfaced. So I strolled down the street where I stumbled into what I believed was T.G.I. Fridays. I grabbed a stool, got a double jack and coke and surveyed the scene.

The damp, dewy shit hole had equal representation in its Thursday night clientele. An old man next to me who looked like he had been laid off after 32 years at the post office, a younger couple on the verge of fucking in their booth. Garbage.

Luckily, a friend of mine lives just two blocks down the street, and he didn't mind me coming over. So I went there and drank for free.

About three hours later, I get a call from Noce:

Noce: Dude, I'm in a cab
Dr. C: Did you just leave
Noce: Yeah
Dr. C: Come pick my ass up, I'm two blocks away.
(Just as I tell Noce my coordinates, I immediately hear him yelling at the cab driver, fuck, stop, go here, go here in a slightly drunken Noce tone)

As I hop in the Cab, Noce looks like he just took 3 vicodin after eating a thanksgiving meal. He was mush. Dude, I'm fucked up he replies. I laugh.

We pull up outside of his place, and I get out of the cab. Noce is just sitting there. Let's go, Dummy I say to him trying to coax him out. He finally gets out. He takes two steps and collapses onto the car next to him.

Now when I say collapse, I mean complete upper body all over the hood of this SUV.

Dr. C: (laughing) What the fuck are you doing?
Noce: Mmmmmmmumble

So I guide Noce to his bed, and the second I toss him in, he starts making an upchuck face. Normally, using the garbage can next to his head would have been the best option, but I'm kinda drunk so I tried getting him to the toilet. Yeah, not so much. He got most of it in there, but there was some damage done.

Now enter Noce's roommate. He's a former D-1 college lineman measuring in at 6'2", and well over 300 lbs.

Roommate: WHERE THE FUCK IS (NOCE)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dr. C: What happened?
Roommate: THAT MOTHERFUCKER STUCK ME WITH A $350 DOLLAR TAB AT THE BAR!!

(Death and Destruction ensues)

I convinced him to go outside before things were dismantled, and calmed him down. Apparently the group got a bottle at the club which was $265 dollars, plus good old Cook County taxes. Noce wanted shot glasses to go with the bottle, instead he got four shots, $50 in all. While they all agreed to split the cost of the bottle, Noce was going to put the tab on his card and get the money from everyone. He never put the card down. He left it for his roommate. He also never got the money from our friend from Phoenix, and his nose-candying work associate.

I on the other hand, spent less then 20 dollars and drank the rest of the miller lite in Noce's fridge.

Sometimes over analyzing is the right thing to do. Good times.

Bear Down...Your Beer!

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