Thursday, August 7, 2008
LIVE-BLOG: 1ST HALF BEARS-CHIEFS
And were underway! If you're following along, you can comment. We don't mind, call me a fuckface, whatever, just start your drinking.
Alright, sorry this was part of a limited selection of pictures on my computer. I didn't feel like running around Google images. So far, 3 and 3, Croyle boot legged on two bears defenders in the background, first down, and then a throw to the tight end for a first down...PEANUT SHOULD HAVE HAD THAT PICK!
Briggs gets his ankles broken on a short pass to Jamaal Charles, and Larry Johnson has huge holes to work with for his first few carries.
Good pressure from Mark Anderson forced the Croyle incomplete pass. No drinking as of yet, but I'm sure with Orton coming up that won't be long. Time-out called, 10 plays run so far off the opening drive.
Didnt see the first down, but a nice play by AB coming off the end to stop LJ for a 6 yard loss. 3 and 15. MOTHERFUCK! Fucking cover 2 was wide open where it should have been 15 yards down the sideline, Chiefs are first and goal.
Johnson fumbles, but recovers, second and goal. Flag on the play...holding OFFENSE, #65..10 yard penalty, repeat second down.
Aaaand were off to a great start. 3rd and 5, the defensive waaaay over pur-fucking-sue and Larry Johnson runs right up the middle untouched until he's in for 6.
CHIEFS 7, BEARS 0
I don't feel like waiting. Fuck this, I'm opening the first Miller Lite.
Orton claims "he's playing the best football of his life during this training camp". We'll see. First pass is complete for 3 yards on a little dump off to Forte. Forte's first NFL carry is for a first down! 1 and 10...same play, not so much.
Orton finds Daivs, he's 2 for 2 so far. Were 3 minutes from the end of the third, and so far, NO FUCKING DRINKING! Ooooh someone's going to die tonight. Yeah, of fucking dehydration.
HOORAY! ORTON PASS KNOCKED DOWN, DRINK!!
Oh wait, that was third down? Damn. Oh well. Fuck it, it's the preseason. Doesn't look the Bears front D is doing much. Nice help from Brandon McGowan. 3rd and 22, Croyle completes but its well short. Flag is for holding, 4th down.
Hester's out to return, and predictably doesn't get a chance to do anything with it. Get used to it people, nobody in their right fucking mind is going to kick to him at any time this year. And flag is down thanks to dumbfuck McGowan for an illegal block.
If I really wanted people to get fucked up, I would have made penalties a drinking category. Things to remember for the upcoming season.
END OF FIRST QUARTER: CHIEFS 7, BEARS 0
Forte was stopped right away, and that's a 1 yard gain in my book, but I'm taking the 2 drinks anyways. Orton to Forte for a first down. Hey Jack fucking Daniels, you do have receivers. There's not 10 people blocking.
He's way too tentative right now (Orton). He's going through his progressions, but not giving them any time to separate. Forte so far has looked pretty good: good hands, a burst through the hole. 3rd and 8.
ORTON INCOMPLETE FOR BRADLEY, DRINK!
I think Orton will be done for the day if Lovie wants to keep it to the first half for Orton and Grossman. If that's the case, Orton lets Grossman have the chance to shine. He had one decent pass to Davis, everything else was dink-dunk.
Jamaal Charles is quickly learning that his 4.3 40 is not going to do much in the NFL when you go east/west instead of north/south. Chiefs go 3 and out, Damon Huard is now in for the Chiefs.
FUCKING SPECIAL TEAMS! 15 yarder on Forte. Go get me another beer, rook.
Orton is back out there...there you go Orton. 16 yards on a curl to Hester. A hand off to McKie? EVERYONE DRINK FOR RON TURNER'S FUCKING GENIUS CALL. Orton to Bradley, he might be finally getting some rhythm now. 3 and 1, and Forte gets 2 and a half, move the chains.
I hate when the Bears run tosses, it never works out. Forte got about 4, but Olsen is flagged for holding. Holding will be the new 1 drink addition from here on out.
RON TURNER IS SHOWN AND LOOKS PUZZLED!!!! DRINK A BEER!!!! and a great throw to Clark, but that doesn't solve much! Way to go, Orton. You clumsy fuck. No more running around with the ball for you. Robbie Gould aka Curious George is good from 43, and so far my prediction to Noce on what the score would be at halftime is dead-on.
CHIEFS 7, BEARS 3
Grossman will be heading into the game on the next Bears possession. For those of you following along, so far I've had one and half Miller Lites. I'm so fucking drunk it's rediculous.
I don't know about you, but I was thinking this could have been a complete mess of alcohol.
BEARS SACK, ANTHONY ADAMS!!! TWO DRINKS!! TWO MILLER LITES FINISHED!
Fuck! Anderson should have made it back to back sacks! Huard did a nice job of escaping the rush. Anderson has been playing well so far. Bears defense has shut them down since the opening drive. Chiefs only make up half of a 3rd and 20 and here comes the Sex Cannon.
Hester actually gets a chance to return the punt, but doesn't get anywhere. Grabbing two more beers in anticipation of Grossman. MOTHERFUCKING SPECIAL TEAMS! 3 PUNTS TO THE BEARS, 3 FLAGS ON THE RECEIVING TEAM. Like what you're seeing, Dave Toub???
Grossman first pass complete for 3 yards. The other AP for 16 yards, and follow that up with 20 yard pass from Rex to Brandon Lloyd.
So far, so good for Rex. REX TO PETERSON, LOSS OF THREE, DRINK!
Orton's final numbers: 7-10, 56 yards. Grossman has plenty of time to throw, but steps awkwardly into the throw and its well out of bounds. Olsen was well covered. Another fucking special teams flag that's declined. Ball was almost downed at the one by D. Manning but not so much. Why are they reviewing this shit? Who fucking cares, it's going to be at the 20 no matter what. They declined the fucking penalty in the first place.
All that shit for just 5 yards. Wow. 1 and 10 at the 25, Jamaal Charles for 8 yards. He's looking pretty good. A draw to Charles out of a shotgun 4 wide just barely moves the chains.
They just showed Mike Brown on the sidelines, and he looks like a ghetto fucking chia pet. Deep pass to Maurice Price moves the ball to midfield. Odds on Price making the Chiefs, slim to none. Ball knocked down on the next play by David Haugh's man crush, Marcus Harrison. 3rd and 5. Huard no problem to whoever the fuck is #80.
Replay shows Kevin Payne is fuckstick. Well done biting on the pumpfake. Fourth grade called, it wants to call you a stupidhead, Payne.
Fade route to Maurice price, and guess who almost got burned again? That's right, call 911. Trumaine McBride would like his stuffed elephant Barbar ready.
I'm too pissed off typing and don't even bother to look up as the Chiefs score again.
CHIEFS 14, BEARS 3
A final run by AP finishes the first half. Not much of a first half for the Bears. Grossman looked better then Orton in my estimation. Was a lot more comfortable in the pocket. Forte and Peterson both did pretty well. The Bears receiving corp gets an incomplete because there wasn't much to base any thoughts on. They might have been out place at times, but we don't know where or when they were supposed to be.
As for the Defense, they were really porous. Larry Johnson had plenty of room to run, as did Jamaal Charles. Defensive Ends did not stick to holding their areas and overpursued way too often. The linebackers were a non-factor. The secondary was out of place and allowed plenty of throwing lanes. Oh well.
As for the drinking game, after the first half I've had 2 and half beers. Totally wasted, bro.