WHO: Chicago White Sox
WHERE: Center Field, U.S. Cellular Field
WHEN: April
WHAT: Job Opening
WHY: Because Brian Anderson sucks.
DESCRIPTION: Centerfielder needed. Must be able to put ball in play every once in a while. Ability to get picked off during base stealing attempts (oh wait that's what Jerry Owens is for). Must enjoy traveling and dropping 3 games series' left and right. Must have good people skills to tolerate A.J. Pierzynski's temper tantrums and occasional racial knock knock jokes. Must be willing to learn spanglish and different uses of the word fanoik. We'll provide terrible hitting instruction. Tryouts to be held in Glenview, Rogers Park, and Calumet City (please bring mace).
This is what it's basically coming down to at this point for the White Sox. All that's left for them is Mike Cameron (25 game suspension to start season, .328 on base pct.) and keeping their fingers crossed that Coco Crisp doesn't get included on a trade to Minnesota for Santana. What terrific offseason you've had Kenny. You signed an average outfielder with a decent arm who has "stress issues", and bullpen reliever who hasn't looked too hot recently. In other words, another David Aardsma in the making. You're quite confident a guy who couldn't keep the ball in the park every time he pitched is going to "come through" because he led the team in first pitch plate nibblers in the month of September. Does anyone else feel like Gavin Floyd is Danny Wright reincarnated?
Watching the team go 45-66 after a 27-24 start was brutal, and at this point the team on paper as it stands could be even worse. I wonder if Kenny Williams and Isiah Thomas have a bet on how bad they can fuck things up before the other gets fired. I can't wait for this terrible sports year that was 2007 to be over, but at the same time, 2008 isn't looking any better. Sadly, the only thing I have to take joy in is the Cubs haven't won a world series in a 100 years. And while that brings a moment of fleeting joy, I have to put up with months of the North Siders making their way to the playoffs. Invest in Jack Daniels stock now, I'll be personally helping it out for a quite awhile.
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