Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Chris Duhon Departs The Bulls

Dear Chicago Bull readers,

It is with a heavy heart that I announce that your favorite Duke alum has packed his bags, and is supposedly heading to New York according to the NY Daily News.

If I may, I would like eulogize the Chris Duhon era in Chicago with a few words.

Ahem.

Chris Duhon was the 38th overall pick by the Chicago Bulls in the 2004 draft and the third of the day which included Ben Gordon and Luol Deng. Upon his arrival, he was as well received as AIDS in Uganda. But despite this, Duhon attempted to make the most of his by playing in 82 games his rookie year, averaging 5.9 ppg and 4.9 apg.

In the years following, Chris may not have been always been the leading scorer or hero of the game, but he usually lead everyone in the poor decision making category, a stat that truly reflects his abilities.

In his 4 years with the Bulls, he scored 2,077 points, and with 34 Lincoln Park sluts.

Chris' shitty attitude, ability to whine about playing time, inability to dribble a round fucking ball, and late night appearences at McGee's on Webster and Sheffield will truly be missed.

While Chris has been the subject of harsh language from myself and Noce over the past four years, we wish him nothing but the end of the bench, genital herpes, and a nasty tumble out of the airplane when he steps foot in the Big Apple.

I think Bob Costas' thoughts on Will Leitch's departure from Deadspin also work in the Duhon case...So long, Fuckhead.

PS: The parade planned in his departure will start down Michigan ave. at 5:30 pm today.

BallHype: hype it up!

8 comments:

Fred said...

says who?

Noce said...

...'inability to dribble a round fucking ball'


As opposed to a square ball? A triangular ball? I thought the definition of ball incorporates 'round' into it. But you prove me wrong.

Dr. C said...

The fact that is round should make it easy to dribble, however; Duhon seemed not to be able to handle this feat. Therefore, I pointed out the ball is round.

Any other smart ass comments, oh provider of plentiful posts??

Sports Fan said...

Pure genius! You just need to hide your jealousy of the 34 slutbags. Don't be. Out of the 34, 20 probably gave him some kind of std. 5 probably have photos of him naked in fishnet stockings. 1 or 2 or maybe 10 have his kid.

Duhon rules!

stalkingerinandrews said...

34 slutbags? 10 kids? When did we sign Shawn Kemp?

Noce said...

Oh I almost forgot...

Yes, No, Yes, Sorry no cubs fans

Dr. C said...

If Shawn Kemp was the Reign Man, Duhon is the Stain man...you know, as in he sucks, and probably left stains on their dresses?

/shows self to the door, promptly buys Duhon Knicks jersey as punishment for terribly unfunny comment

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