Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Benny The Bull: Possible Steriod Abuser and Chicago Mascot Crime Boss
For your next chapter in Benny The Bull v. Chicago Police Department, I submit to you this story today from the Chicago Tribune:
A Naperville dentist called a flagrant foul on Chicago Bulls' mascot Benny the Bull on Monday, suing the team over a high-five gone awry.
Dr. Don Kalant Sr. alleged he was sitting near courtside on Feb. 12 when he raised his arm to get a high-five from Barry Anderson, who portrays the exuberant mascot in a bright red fuzzy costume.
But Kalant, an oral surgeon, may now wish he had settled for a fist-bump instead.
Instead of merely slapping Kalant's palm, Anderson grabbed his arm as he fell forward, hyperextending Kalant's arm and rupturing his biceps muscle, according to the lawsuit filed in Cook County Circuit Court.
So let's see here...Benny has been arrested for dealing 6 ounces of weed in 2004, battery at the taste of Chicago in 2006, and now has apparently gone back to drugs by ripping someone's arm out of their socket instead of high fiving them. Which leads to this question: Is this really the fucking guy you want on Dora the Explorer?
He already has drug connections, but now you're going to now equip him with spanish to make some deals with the Latin Kings?
It's only a matter of time before he consolidates his chokehold on the Chicago mascot underground. Word in the streets is he's already got the union sealed thanks to the Chicago Rush Mascot Grabowski, an apparently Polish construction worker. Meanwhile, he has Sparky of the Chicago Fire as his capo in the streets. It's only a matter of time before he betrays his Reinsdorfian partner Southpaw to take on Staley for control of the city...Staley, you've been warned.