Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Kelvin Sampson To Free Agents: We Want U, Call Us L8r
(At the Milwaukee Bucks press conference, Scott Skiles is at the podium taking questions from the media)
SKILES: Good Morning. Alright, you all know that were looking to hit the ground running here. I believe we have alot of the right pieces to the puzzle as we start off. I think Michael Redd can take his star to the next level in this game, and he has some good young talent to build around. But to really work with these younger guys is something that I don't like to do. My job is to berate, belittle, holler, scream, shout, screech, yell, yawp, yell, and get these guys to MOVEIT. Teach? Not me. That's why I'd like to announce that the Milwaukee Bucks would like to welcome Kelvin Sampson to our coaching staff. Kelvin?
(Turns to shake Kelvin's hand...Kelvin is nowhere to be found)
SKILES: Kelvin? KELVIN? KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Meanwhile, close a telephone booth in near by Racine, Sampson is sitting in a car outside of a Red Roof Inn texting on his phone)
SAMPSON'S PHONE: BARON, THIS IS KELVIN SAMPSON. IM W/THE BUCKS. WE WANT YOU. CALL ME L8R
(shuffles through his free agent list)
SAMPSON'S PHONE: P.J. BROWN, THIS IS KELVIN SAMPSON. IM W/MILWAUKEE. OMG G8R SHOT. WANT #93 for 930K? HOOK IT UP, LOOK ME UP
SAMPSON'S PHONE: JAMESON CURRY, THIS IS KELVIN SAMPSON. ICUP'D ON BOISE. NO PROB. WE CAN DO WORK. TTYL
(Phone rings, Baron Davis is calling back)
SAMPSON: Fuck, why is he calling? I can get in big trouble for this shit? Doesn't he know you're just supposed to hit me back with a text? Shit!
(Sneaks over to the phone booth, calls Baron back)
SAMPSON: (whispering) is this Baron?
BARON: Fuck, who think is this fresh on the phone?
SAMPSON: (whispering) oh neato! Baron, I'm with Milwaukee now, and we want you to be a young buck.
BARON: The fuck you whispering for, dog? This a real man's game now, ain't no bullshitin' gone on. And guess what? Fuck Young Buck. Muthafucka ain't got shit on my rap game. You see me spittin?
SAMPSON: Ummm...ye..yeah! Fresh rhymes, indeed. Look, I don't want to take much of your time. Think about Milwaukee, and just stick to texts, ok?
BARON: Whatever, dog. Peace
SAMPSON: Phew, that was close! If only Miles Brand saw me working the phones like this...oh wait, aren't I supposed to be somwhere right now?
(Looks across the street, sees an IHOP)
SAMPSON: Oh yeah, Canadian Bacon time!!!!