Friday, November 2, 2007

Fuck The Circus

So I just got back from the Circus. Wow. Talk about a fucking nightmare of two hours. I wanted death in any way, shape or form for at least two people that were performing in it; one for the main clown character, and one for the guy who was in the tiger cage. First off, the main character. This fucking cumstain of a reject runs around, doesn't talk like the rest of society, and falls in love with this pole dancing performer. While I usually do for the time she doing her pole tricks, there's a few subtle differences. 1: She's naked. 2: She's hot. 3: She'll show me those tricks on my crotch. This girl, okay looking, pretty much fully clothed, and nowhere near me. Fuck her. Anyways, this jag-off clown had a 10 minute song and spiel dedicated to him, and kept fucking repeating. I was ready to bite one of the stairs and have every 5th grade rosemont kid jump on the back of my head while lining up for cotton candy. Just awful.

Secondly, the dude in the tiger cage. What would his title be? Tigertamer; ringmaster; or abusive drunk step-father who molests his tigers when cookie the clown isn't looking. You decide. Anyways, these tigers were pissed with this dude, and I would be too. Taking his whip and hitting them they don't understand his broken english/german jibberish. Probably telling them if don't behave he'll blow it in their eyes again. Terrible. Anyways, at least two of the tigers swung their paws trying to nail him in the face. It was great. I was hoping for Ziegfried action, but alas it was just a cock tease.

Another funny thing I wanted to share with you which was passed out to me as I walked in the arena; THE THINGS RINGLING BROS. DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT. Peta never sleeps, they wait. Here's some of the listed facts, which was A: startling to say the least, but not unbelievable considering it's carnies.

- Ringling paid a 20,000 fine when a baby elephant died after being forced to perform repeatedly while sick.

- Ringling got a warning from authorities about having injured two baby elephants when they were forcibly pulled from their mothers and about having shot a caged tiger to death.

- Elephants in the wild walk up to 30 miles per day. Elephants in the circus are shackled up to 96 percent of the time. When chained, elephants can only move three forward or backward.

Interesting stuff, except for the last one. What the fuck do want to do with the elephants? get them a lounge car? Of course they're fucking shackled. They have to be. Look, I get it. It's a sad but true story that most of those animals get treated like shit. So thanks for the notice, but what the hell am I going do? I'm shackled to my cube most of the day too.

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