Saturday, November 3, 2007

NFL Week 9 Picks: Family First

Our weekly picks are not the most entertaining things to read, I realize that. I'm sure the three people that actually sit and read our predictions are enthralled by our little quips about what's going on in the NFL on a weekly basis, but really I just like to brag that my lead is widening against Dr. C. Currently the standings look like this:

Noce (that's me): 77-27
Dr. C. (not me): 71-43

Last week was a terrible week as far as competitive games go with that awful game in England and the blowouts here in Freedomland. The only story I enjoyed was the one about Andy Reid's kids and their love for drugs. It kind of reminded me of my brother, only he likes the kinds that come from the ground, not the ones that come in pill form. I can't understand why people enjoy taking pills of any kind, I can barely stomach an aspirin. Maybe his kids are so fucked up because their names are Britt and Garrett. I wouldn't don those names on a dog, let alone on my kids.

And we're off.

Cincinnati @ Buffalo: I will be watching this game intently, as I have both Lee Evans and J.P. Losman starting this week for my fantasy team. You may be wondering why the fuck I'm starting J.P Losman but I assure you, it's only because Eli has the week off and I'm not about to start Jason Campbell. I the move to pick up Losman will pay off bigtime. 24-20 Bills

Denver @ Detroit: With John Lynch out the Lions would be wise to run the ball a lot in the beginning, eventually setting up their explosive passing offense. If Mike Martz runs the four running plays he has in his playbook consecutively for the first two drives, the Lions will probably win. 27-17 Lions

Green Bay @ Kansas City: Both of these teams have above-average defenses, and they will both be tested in this AFC/NFC battle. The Chiefs will pound the ball with Larry Johnson and the Packers will, well they'll attempt to pull a win out of their asses like they do every week. 17-14 Chiefs

San Diego @ Minnesots: This is about the point of the season where Minnesota collapses and begins the "rebuilding" phase, so look for the Chargers to light it up in the dome. 31-10 Chargers

Jacksonville @ New Orleans: Apparently Drew Brees re-read his contract and saw the incentives he has in there, because he has been single-handedly keeping the Saints ship from sinking into the Gulf of Mexico. There's probably like 25 Popeye's Chickens down there. 24-13 Saints

Arizona @ Tampa Bay: The battle of geriatric quarterbacks will occur in the perfect location for old ass people: Florida. I'd say Kurt Warner is like a Cadillac Deville, while Jeff Garcia is the younger old person's version of the Buick Park Avenue. I'd choose the Cadillac in this case but I'm going to go with Tampa in this game of senior citizen chicken. 21-17 Buccaneers

Carolina @ Tennessee: Steve Smith is due for a breakout game, too bad they don't have anyone who can throw to him. I wonder when his contract is up, the Bears could replace Mushin Muhammed with Smith and that would be just fine. 23-13 Titans

San Francisco @ Atlanta: What the hell was I thinking picking the 49ers last week? I guess I didn't learn because I'm going to take them again, the Falcons suck just a little more than San Fran does. 17-13 49ers

Washington @ NY Jets: Boy everyone was sure quick to slap on that "Mangenius" tag on Erig Mangini, how's he looking now? 20-9 Redskins

Seattle @ Cleveland: Where the fuck did Derek Anderson come from? He's so hot right now he could probably throw a pass through the gap in Shaun Alexander's teeth. 23-17 Browns

New England @ Indianapolis: I think experts have analyzed every single detail about this game, including what color underwear Tom Brady will be wearing and why it will make him better. 31-30 Colts - Vinitieri sticks it to his old team

Houston @ Oakland: Every week when I do these picks I really get happy when I realize I'm not from Oakland, CA. 21-17 Texans

Dallas @ Philadelphia: I'm sure the kind and hospitable fans in Philadelphia will give Terrell Owens a warm welcome back. Yea, and Andy Reid's kids would be great elementary school teachers. 27-20 Cowboys

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh: I'd take the Steelers to win but I don't think they'll cover the 10-point spread. 17-13 Steelers

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