I don't feel like spending my usual three hours writing jokes this week, so I'm just going to give you the straight dope picks. Enjoy fuckers.
Buffalo @ Miami: The Bills could add another chapter to their "How to Choke Away a Game" manual if they provide Miami's first win this year. Let's hope Dick Jauron brings his balls with him this week and opens up the offense. 31-20 Bills
Minnesota @ Green Bay: I hope nobody wins this game. 24-21 Packers
Cleveland @ Pittsburgh: How Pittsburgh is favored by 10 escapes me but I'll still take them to beat the poo bears. 27-17 Steelers
Denver @ Kansas City: Dre' Bly is about as physical as Stephen Hawking, and I expect the Chiefs rookie Dwayne Bowe to scalp Denver's weak secondary like Chief Illiniwek would to the jerkoffs who got him banned if he could. 24-17 Chiefs
St. Louis @ New Orleans: I don't know what city I would rather not live in more: St. Louis or New Orleans. I think I'd almost rather live in France. Ok maybe not France but some other place that isn't New Orleans of St. Louis. 30-20 Saints
Jacksonville @ Tennessee: Take Tennessee to cover the 4-point spread and you'll make some money. 24-10 Titans
Philadelphia @ Washington: Jason Campbell is what Donovan McNabb used to be: mobile. I like the 'Skins chances in this one as long as they contain Brian Westbrook. 27-24 Redskins
Atlanta @ Carolina: If you find youself watching this game you should immediately question your place here on this Earth. 20-13 Panthers
Cincinnati @ Baltimore: Prison Bowl 2k7 should be pretty exciting to watch. I hope they remember to beef up the security at Ravens Stadium Sunday with the return of Bengals receiver Chris Henry back. 31-17 Bengals
Detroit @ Arizona: Edgerrin James will keep the Cardinals close in this game, but will they pull it out? Fuck it I'll take a gamble I have a 7-game lead. 27-26 Cardinals
Cowboys @ Giants: $100 bucks says two years ago Tony Romo never thought people would be wishing they were him one day. 30-24 Cowboys
Chicago @ Oakland: With the loss of Ruben Brown the Bears running game went from barely erect to flacid. Picking the Raiders in this one would be almost as bad as voting for Hillary Clinton, so I'm sticking with the Bears. 20-17 Bears
Indianapolis @ San Diego: If there is any person on this planet (Wow, two Earth references in one post - neat) who thinks Norv Turner is a good coach, you are either Norv's brother Ron or straight up retarded. 31-21 Colts
San Francisco @ Seattle: Really? This is the Monday Night game? Seriously? Way to make a usually dull and disappointing day even worse with this matchup ESPN. 27-17 Seahawks
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