Bulls/Timberwolves - Tickets Still Available!

Who would have thought that two teams with a combined record of 25-61 would fail to fill a stadium with fans? Forget the fact that there are 11 teams who currently have more than 25 wins on their own, who wouldn't want to show up and watch the exciting matchups that are going to be on display tonight? I mean, look at the starting lineups that these two storied teams are throwing out there tonight:

Probable Bulls Starters
Guard 12 Kirk Hinrich 6-3 | 190
Guard 2 Thabo Sefolosha 6-7 | 215
Forward 5 Andrés Nocioni 6-5 | 225
Forward 32 Joe Smith 6-10 | 225
Center 3 Ben Wallace 6-9 | 240

Probable Timberwolves Starters
Guard 3 Sebastian Telfair 6-0 | 175
Guard 55 Marko Jaric 6-7 | 224
Forward 1 Rashad McCants 6-4 | 210
Forward 8 Ryan Gomes 6-7 | 250
Center 25 Al Jefferson 6-10 | 265

I won't go into detail about the Bulls "starters" because it's so much easier to go after the crap the T-Wolves are throwing out there these days.

Holy fuck...Sebastian Telfair AND Marko Jaric? I think I just shat my pants with excitement. I mean, who hasn't seen 'Through the Fire'? Personally, I thought that director Jonathan Hock failed to capture the true nature of what really was pushing Sebastian Telfair to skip college and enter the NBA Draft.

Everyone knows it was obviously not the money, fame, or limitless endorsements.

Sebastian is simply too good for the likes of college basketball and was clearly ready to make the jump to the NBA, where he has really had a chance to show his seemingly limitless talent on the highest level.

Is everyone picking up what I'm laying down so far? It's called sarcasm people. I think it was invented by Norm McDonald. Note to self: Sebastian Telfair is as good at basketball as I am at sex.

The only player that I actually like, and by like I mean absolutely love is Al Jefferson. His 21 and 12 would do wonders on the Bulls that only Tyrus Thomas can dream of while getting another fucking tribal tattoo. I really wanted the Bulls to go after him when Boston was shopping him last year but NO, who needs a 6'10 forward who's only 23 and can score with his back to the basket? Why would anyone want him when we can send out Thomas or Ben Wallce, surely they can score. Jesus Christ sometimes I wonder if John Paxson's horribly gay middle name prevents him from sacking up and making a goddamn trade.

Oh, and let's not forget Rashard McCants, who is a neverending reminder of the tragic end to an otherwise magical 2004-05 Illinois season. I hope McCants calls up Sean May on the way to the game tonight and they both end up like ex-Bull Jay Williams. Actually, make that a 3-way conversation between those two and the fucking ref from the National Championship game. You fucked us right in the ass buddy, I hope whatever they paid you was worth it.

Final score: Bulls: 89 Timberwolves: 83 Me: drunk before halftime.