Working in the print news industry has been rough lately. It's actually been about as rough as the sores that surely formed around Militia's ass after his first go at buttsex in his former career.
See, without MBSR, I wouldn't have been able to make such a hilarious comparison to sores and Militia and gay sex all in one sentence. I consider myself a student of their teachings, an apprentice if you will. But I think I might have stumbled upon a funnier blog than MBSR, and it's in no way a knock on them, it's just that this new site is completely fucking ridiculous.
It's called I Hate Horses.
This website is so out there, it's almost scary how weird the people probably are who started the site. Like, I would probably rather run naked through Boystown before having to meet these fucking wackos.
At first I thought this was a joke and just a huge farce, but as I read more and more, I began to fully grasp the true hatred these fuckers have for any and every equine. $10 says the guy who started the site used to get raped by his dad everynight during Mr. Ed. I just don't think anyone else could have such a deep-rooted hatred for anything unless they were raped as a child. (See: David Berkowitz)
This is an exerpt from their home page, where they describe their site's "mission statement" and philosophy:
"Look, this is a website about horses and how much we hate them. They are gross and stupid and disgusting and smell like shit. There are flies all over them and they make dumb noises. HORSES ARE TERRIBLE!!!
I am shaking right now because I hate horses so much. I hate them the way that fat people hate diets, the way that lazy people hate work, the way that Jewish people hate Hitler, the way black people hate white people. I REALLY HATE THEM!!"
If you really need confirmation that these guys are fucking crazy, scroll down to the bottom of the home page and see where they've simply written "I HATE THEM" over and over for about 50 lines.
It's pretty fucking scary. Almost as scary as an NAACP meeting. Now I only say this site is funnier because of its sheer shock value. MBSR does have quite the amount of shock value in their own right. (See: Aids-letes, Jerking Off In Bed, and their ever-popular We Are Awful But You Are Worse.
So I hate to say it, but today Horse Haters beats out MBSR for hilarity. Sure they haven't posted anything since 2005, but humor like this never dies, it only gets forgotten until some asshole's frat brother sends an email to your work account titled "Horse Fucker". I guess he could have thought of worse things for the title. I will always remain loyal to my first crush, but this is one of those one-time flings that make you realize what you could be getting on the side.