Friday, January 25, 2008

A Look At Some ESPN Member Douchebags...

That's right, kids! It's that time of the week where we delve into the depths of the 'Leader' to expose the people who:
A: Post the dumbest thoughts/ideas known to the sports world.
B: Are the reason why most of the Arab world would like us dead.
C: Make me sad I breathe the same air as they do.

Yes, it's those zany ESPN Members. While we've been putting gentlemen in their place, it's time to spread equal rights to the women as well. You wanted Suffrage? You got it. Equal pay? Not quite there yet. A chance to be equal to men? Well, in terms of how much you blow, then yes. Without further adieu, I present you with a woman who certainly knows her way around the T.G.I. Friday's bar scene: ZELYNDA.

My first impressions of Zelynda are:

A: The ideal spokeswoman for American Spirit Cigarettes;
B: Still yearns for a Sexual Encounter with a certain Latino Wrestler despite his death.
C: Is considering Plastic Surgery

Zelynda enjoys a wide variety of sports; ranging from Shooting to Equestrianism Is that even a fucking word? To Zelynda, that answer is an obvious yes! However, one of the sports is something I'm not familiar with: Ultimate. Ultimate what, you dumb bitch? Ultimate Frisbee? Ultimate Tampax Relays? Please inform, I'm lost.

In terms of teams, Zelynda is no one horse team, if you know what I mean. Miami, Oakland, Denver, Baltimore, and Washington, not to mention Ohio State (you would) and Louisiana. One can draw many conclusions from this, but I'll take a stab at the NFL teams.

Miami: She still has a restraining order from Dan Marino after she sent him Isotoner gloves filled with KY Jelly suggesting he slip it in her soon.
Oakland: Was once raped by a biker gang. Got mad when none of the boys called her a week later
Denver: She was the woman Cal saw in 40-year old virgin during the horse show in Tijuana.
San Diego, Baltimore, Washington: Cities she's seen Bon Jovi in, barred from Washington D.C. for Bestiality.

The next time you're Reno, stop by the craps table to find Zelynda, as she works in a Casino. Ok timeout. Would you place your bets with this cumdumpster? Yeah, neither would I. She probably sneaks chips in the bookshelf of a vag of hers.

In closing, Zelynda parts with these words: I believe the best tool to use when measuring your success in life is your own yard stick!

Zelynda, do us a favor and keep your yardstick in your pants, you groupie-fucking, horsecock craving, too many fucking NFL teams to list, chip stealing Cunt.

PS LeeAnn Womack Sucks...bitch.
BallHype: hype it up!


Anonymous said...

T.G.I. Fridays..fucking hilarious

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