Tuesday, January 8, 2008

A Look at some ESPN Member Douchebags

Welcome to our 2nd installment of ESPN Member Douchebags. The seemingly endless amount of ammunition provided by "the Leader" has brought commenters from across the USA together, allowing every semi half-witted Dick and Jane the opportunity to pretend like what they have to say is important.

I personally only use the comments section to shamelessly advertise the existence of this website, because it's hilarious how every story, no matter what the original subject, ultimately turns into a racial argument. It could be a story about Darko Milicic dropping 25 and 5 on Phoenix and assholes will somehow turn that into an argument over Brown v. Board of Education in no less than 40 comments. I just don't get it.

On to today's feature commenter. This proud fella by the name of "RytgersjaffoII" has this to offer on Joe Gibbs' retirement from the Washington Redskins organization.

"He needs somebody who can manage the team... I mean the guy is spending a ton of dough bringing in talent, they just buy the wrong guys and the wrong coaches... those are GM/Coaching issues... The Skins do have some talented players, but unfortunately there's only one Belichick and only one Coughlin... the Skins blew it not going after Coughlin three years ago..."

Coughlin, as in Tom Coughlin? Are you really claiming that Tom Coughlin is a better coach than Joe Gibbs? The same Joe Gibbs who's posted a 171-101 overall record as a coach of the Redskins? The same Joe Gibbs that won three Super Bowls ('82, '87, '91) and went to the playoffs in ten of his 16 seasons as head coach? What did Tom Coughlin ever do besides post a 68-60 record as coach of the Jaguars? I remember him doing a good job of getting on the bad side of every player he currently coaches on the New York Giants.

Anyway, here's this asshole's profile on ESPN:

Wow. That's the picture that you chose to broadcast your image to the entire world? A red flannel under what looks like a 'Judas Priest' shirt as you're eating what appears to obviously be a milkshake from Sonic. I say Sonic because those restaurants are only found in awful cities like Pittsburgh, where this jagoff hails from.

I also love the fact that under "Occupation" he has listed "Law Student". While that may seem like a worthwhile endeavor and a most respectable position, this fucking guy was born in 1973. That makes him at least 34 years young and still in Law School. Impressive.

I won't even make fun of the teams he has listed as "Favorite Teams" because do jokes really need to be made about the Pirates, Penguins, Penn State and Rutgers?

So "RytgersjaffoII" congratulations for being our ESPN Member Douchebag! You look like the bastard child of David Spade who just crawled out of his mom's basement to go rent "Clerks" and remember better days.


Rae Carruth's Trunk said...

God damn, this is a really funny bit.

stalkingerinandrews said...

Please find more of these douches quickly! I have been waiting impatiently for this 2nd one, and I don't want to wait long for the 3rd! LMFAO!

Noce said...

we've already located our lucky winner for tomorrow so stay tuned...this next guy makes the first 2 look like a couple of Kige Ramseys

Anonymous said...

at first glance I thought this guy was posting under the name "rutgersjagoff"

might as well