Friday, January 25, 2008

This Confirms Why I'm Afraid To Have Children...


Like most people in life, there comes a day in which you will want to pass on your seeds and have children. I'd like to have two kids, three at the very most in the next oh, say 10 years. I'm in no rush at this point, and after reading this story, it confirms what I fear most for my potential offspring: My kid becoming a complete fucking goon like these two carnival barkers to the right.

I've been listening to metal since I was 7 years old, (Enter Sandman and Symphony of Destruction thank you very much) but at no point during any of this time, even in my adolescense as an angry teen did I dye my hair black, paint my fingernails black, or took part in any of that bullshit (Hopefully chain wallets don't fall under this category...sigh.) If my kid even thought about buying black lipstick I would make him or her eat it, and finish it off with a big glass of shut your fucking your mouth; you're going to play sports and like it.

According to Reuters, a 19-year old English broad was kicked off the bus for wearing a leash held by her 25-year old boyfriend. Apparently this girl considers herself a "human pet". When she was going to the get on the bus, the bus driver told her "we don't let freaks and dogs on like you" (THERE YOU GO, DON'T TAKE THEIR GUFF!) After complaining to the bus company, they told her she's more then welcome to use the bus as long as she takes off the chain when she gets on.

"I am a pet," she told the Daily Mail. "I generally act animal-like and I lead a really easy life. I don't cook or clean and I don't go anywhere without Dani. It might seem strange but it makes us both happy. It's my culture and my choice. It isn't hurting anyone."

I beg to differ. Your parents didn't get divoriced for nothing. Your father doesn't beat off to Anime porn because of you at all. You definitely didn't cause your mother a four-Percocet-a-morning regimen because of you. I pray for our nation's youth, and more importantly, my own. Please Lord, spare my children.

BallHype: hype it up!

4 comments:

stalkingerinandrews said...

4 out of the last 5 posts have been non-sports related, and 5 out of the last 6 have been non-Chicago sports related. Are we losing focus or changing diretion? Or has the Bulls suck-fest just made Chicago sports as irrelevant as the Blackhawks (who?) were when Wirtz was alive?

Dr. C said...

I wish I had something positive to post on Chicago sports these days. Unfortunately, I don't. I really don't want to sit here and bitch about how bad the Bulls suck or how the Blackhawks at one point this season looked really promising before falling into "bolivian" as Mike Tyson would put it.

With that said, yeah we have been on more of the bullshit side of things rather then the Bulls. Were not changing direction with the site; I just feel like there's only so much I can say until Pitchers and Catchers report in the next upcoming weeks. With that said, I'll try to throw in some Chicago sports stuff soon, Im trying to avoid how bad things are.

stalkingerinandrews said...

Don't get me wrong, this story is entertaining, I just felt like giving someone some shit this morning. If any of my kids started acting this way, I would drag their ass home and beat the goth out of them until they saw colors other than black.

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