Friday, January 25, 2008
This Confirms Why I'm Afraid To Have Children...
Like most people in life, there comes a day in which you will want to pass on your seeds and have children. I'd like to have two kids, three at the very most in the next oh, say 10 years. I'm in no rush at this point, and after reading this story, it confirms what I fear most for my potential offspring: My kid becoming a complete fucking goon like these two carnival barkers to the right.
I've been listening to metal since I was 7 years old, (Enter Sandman and Symphony of Destruction thank you very much) but at no point during any of this time, even in my adolescense as an angry teen did I dye my hair black, paint my fingernails black, or took part in any of that bullshit (Hopefully chain wallets don't fall under this category...sigh.) If my kid even thought about buying black lipstick I would make him or her eat it, and finish it off with a big glass of shut your fucking your mouth; you're going to play sports and like it.
According to Reuters, a 19-year old English broad was kicked off the bus for wearing a leash held by her 25-year old boyfriend. Apparently this girl considers herself a "human pet". When she was going to the get on the bus, the bus driver told her "we don't let freaks and dogs on like you" (THERE YOU GO, DON'T TAKE THEIR GUFF!) After complaining to the bus company, they told her she's more then welcome to use the bus as long as she takes off the chain when she gets on.
"I am a pet," she told the Daily Mail. "I generally act animal-like and I lead a really easy life. I don't cook or clean and I don't go anywhere without Dani. It might seem strange but it makes us both happy. It's my culture and my choice. It isn't hurting anyone."
I beg to differ. Your parents didn't get divoriced for nothing. Your father doesn't beat off to Anime porn because of you at all. You definitely didn't cause your mother a four-Percocet-a-morning regimen because of you. I pray for our nation's youth, and more importantly, my own. Please Lord, spare my children.
Posted by Dr. C at 8:25 AM