Friday, January 11, 2008

A Look At Some ESPN Member Douchebags

I was going to hold off until Monday to post our newest clown from the ESPN members page, but after I saw MBSR giving us a vote of confidence for this segment, I figured now is as good as time as any. So without further adieu, I present to you a man who most likely has paid for sex on more then one occasion, BIGZEKE55:

On my first impression, Big Zeke likes his cars like his women; fast and smooth. Which is kinda funny considering the last broad he blew his load in was large and rough. Judging from his helmet, Zeke fancies himself to do at least one of the following in his lifetime:

- Pillage the entire state of Maine on Phenobarbital
- Follow Willie Nelson around the US...oh wait..that's already been checked off
- Kill an Arab
- Plant his "seed" in a nice looking bitch

Moving on to Zeke's teams he backs, which is roughly the entire Southwest. To be honest with you, I don't really have a problem with all the teams he backs, the motherfucker decides wherever he may roam. However, I do find it funny he's a fan of Golf. Could imagine him out there swinging a fucking table leg at a rock?

The best part of this other then Zeke's picture is easily his occupation: President of FLOORZ AND FICILICARE. How'd you like to work for BIGZEKE55? FINISH THIS FUCKING PROJECT OR I WILL BREAK ALL OF YOUR LEGZ AND FEED THEM TO MY UNBORN SON!!!! Yikes. Nothing screams sophistication like a Viking helmet at a business proposal. FURTHER MORE GENTLEMEN, ON TOP OF COMPLETION OF YOUR PROJECT I WILL RAPE YOUR COMPETITION'S CATTLE TO WEAKEN THEIR MORALE..DEAL?

From the words of Zeke, it would appear he would have been fighting for the Confederacy back in the day:

"I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my moma together, and also that my kids no longer sound like ***** gang-bangers."

Something tells me I totally didn't see that one coming at all..In parting, Zeke's gives us his motto for life that his hero Maximus imparted for his troops before they fucked up those Barbarians:

"If you find yourself alone, riding in the green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled. For you are in Elysium, and you're already dead!

Brothers, what we do in life... echoes in eternity."

To the state of Maine, take cover. BIGZEKE55 just finished his meds.


Jeff said...

All hail BIGZEKE55.

BIGZEKE55's Mom: Zeke, we're eating dinner. Can you please take that helmet off?


stalkingerinandrews said...

Quick! Someone tell Sara that we found Thor!

Mac G said...

This ongoing segment is genius. Keep it Up. I canceled my insider subsscription, is this what I am missing?

The Ghosts said...

He looks kinda like Mike Golic on Saved By the Bell the College Years.

The Ghosts said...

Er was it Bob Golic.

Anonymous said...

You dont need your insider to find these true joys of life as we know it. Any article will have the commenters going to town on each other, and that's how we've found these pedophiles and carnival barkers

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