Wednesday, January 2, 2008
A Look At Some ESPN Member Douchebags
Welcome to 2008 people...and to our newest feature which Noce stumbled upon by accident, yet still provides endless banter for us. We'll be taking a look at some of the biggest douchebags on ESPN member profiles we can find. The member profile page almost has a myspace feel to it; you have friends (or people who are as gay as you for being on this god forsaken bullshit) you comment on each others wall, and you can post some thoughts. Our first look brings us to member "ESPN4LIFE72".
Wow. With a name like ESPN4LIFE72, you know you're a complete fuckstick. This guy looks like B-Real from Cypress Hill's shit for brain cousin who uses him for weed and the occasion ugly groupie backseat blowjob. Holy shit, where do I begin? Let's start off with what makes ESPN4LIFE72 special: I'd rather be a REAL nobody then a FAKE somebody! Once again, wow. You're stating to everyone you beat your dog with an electric cord when Tony Romo looks at you and you realize you two will never be together. I almost feel sorry for you.
What maybe the biggest sign of douchebaginess is his favorite teams: Cowboys, Braves, Jayhawks, Seminoles, and the ATLANTA HAWKS?!?! If you're going to be epitomy of everything that I can't stand (you bandwaggoning piece of shit), at least pick a decent team. Hmmm..let me guess, Seminole Football and Jawhawk basketball? Go fuck a cow. Completely awful. Speaking of Cows, who calls Dallas Cow Town? This pole smoker. What maybe even funnier is that fact that he claims "not to be a bandwaggoner". No, not at all. Look, I'll give you four of your teams, but not Florida State. I do wonder how often you fondle yourself while thinking it's Bobby Bowden.