Alright I only have a short time to do this before I can get out of here and ride the Short Bus that is the 'EL' home to the Loop. Here's the Week 3 predictions:
Minnesota @ Kansas City: "We play to win the game" - Herm Edwards. Apparently that game is Madden '08 in the locker room because the Chiefs haven't won anything this year. 20-10 Vikings
St. Louis @ Tampa Bay: I've seen wasted sorority girls play better defense than the Rams. Tampa Bay runs all over the field in this one. 27-21 Bucs
San Francisco @ Pittsburgh: The 49ers are just like the Bears except Frank Gore could shit better runs than Cedric Benson's. Here's my upset special of the week. 28-24 49ers.
Detroit @ Philadelphia: If Kitna can't play the game is up for grabs but with Kitna the Lions have to have the edge. Also - no Brian Dawkins makes Philly fans something something... 24-17 Lions
Indianapolis @ Houston: Matt Schaub is good, but he's no Peyton Manning. 37-27 Colts
San Diego @ Green Bay: The stupid, cheese-eating, milk-drinking, Chevy driving, cow tipping jerks will be reminded of what a Super Bowl contending team looks like. This should be a good litmus test for how the Packers and Bears compare. 31-7 Chargers
Buffalo @ New England: The Bills have been strong against the Pats in recent years and I'd like to hope they can play them tough this year, but I really don't see that happening. 35-13 Patriots
Miami @ NY Jets: Let the battle of the AFC East bastard children begin! You couldn't pay me to watch this game - and I have NFL Sunday Ticket. 17-12 Dolphins
Arizona @ Baltimore: Willis McGahee scores two TD's and Matt Leinart gets hurt trying to tackle Ed Reed after throwing a pick. 24-17 Ravens
Cincinnati @ Seattle: This is a pretty big game for the Seahawks if they want to prove they are a contender in the NFC West. They'll lose though, furthering the notion that the NFC has nothing on the AFC. 28-14 Bengals
Cleveland @ Oakland: This game is going to be all about Jamal Lewis and LaMont Jordan - the RB with the better day will be victorious. 24-16 Raiders
Carolina @ Atlanta: Steve Smith is going to be facing his toughest Cornerback to date in DeAngelo Hall. The longer the Panther offense is on the field (which could be a long time considering Atlanta's offense blows), the more opportunities there are for Smith to break one loose. 31-10 Panthers
NY Giants @ Washington: The Redskins looked pretty good Monday against the Eagles, I'll give them that. But seeing as I'm not expecting Philly to win more than 6 games this year, I'll wait until I call the Redskins a contender. I'll still take them at home against the banged up Giants. 20-17 Redskins
Dallas @ Chicago: This is it Rex. This is your last shot to prove you can compete at a high level against an elite team on a national stage. If you want a new contract and a starting job - you best throw some mother fucking touchdowns and make Ron Zook proud. 28-27 Bears on a Robbie Gould FG (he's so dreamy)
Tennessee @ New Orleans: There's some crazy shit going on in Louisiana these days - and I'm not talking about the Jena 6. The Saints are realizing they are supposed to stink and disappoint - last year was a fluke. 27-17 Titans
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