Monday, September 24, 2007

Where Do I Begin?

Fuck you, Bears Offense! During the entire preseason, the Chicago sports media hyped how great the offense looks, and how it was going to be better then last year's, and how the Bears would be waltzing again to the Super Bowl. The only waltzing on the field I see is Wrecks meeting the d-line of the opponents, or Cedric Benson pacing himself for another 2 yard gain. Un-fucking-believable. I haven't checked my fantasy league yet because I'm soo pissed, and that's a first. I have my certain morning rituals upon arriving to work (of course working isn't one of them), and they have been ruined. Another fuck you to the Bears Offense.

Seeing as how I could fly off the handle on pretty much everybody who had bears jerseys or headsets on the sidelines, I'll try to itemize it now and go from there. Last night felt like P.E. in second grade when I got kicked in balls and dropped for everyone to see and laugh at. Fuck that girl too, with her wide ass foot that got both of my boys.

- Lovie Smith
- Wrecks
- Ron Turner
- Mushin Muhammad
- Cedric Benson
- Bob Babich

Alright, we'll start with where it all begins. How in the fuck are you going to go to a postgame press conference and after watching Wrecks put a QB rating of 27 say the famous line "Rex is our Quarterback". Were you stoned, Lovie? I'm trying to understand if you were watching the same game America was. That must be some G13 you got your hands on. One caller this morning on the Mike North Morning show brought up a great point. Matt Leinart was benched in the middle of the Cardinals-Ravens game in favorite of Kurt Warner because he wasn't getting the job. Warner responded with two touchdowns, giving the Cardinals a chance to win the game. Why can't the Bears do that? Because it makes too much sense? Or because Lovie the Lemming has to follow the leader over the fucking cliff. You know why he doesn't bench him? Because the mental midget will never be the same, the team won't have confidence in him ever again, and the Lovie the Lemming will be criticized for sticking with him for so long. Too fucking late, Lovie. Your defense is overcompensating for the offense because of your stubbornness, and that's why the injuries are mounting.

Wrecks. You suck, pal. Why do you think you were drafted 22nd? Because you can't move in the pocket, you have no confidence in your ability, and your lack of size hurts your vision to hit your targets. Now, I have no idea of the amount of pressure in the NFL because I've obviously never played, and you have done well at times despite your party plans for new years and all. But you are too inconsisent, and probably will never be able to overcome that. I rooted for you to do well, and you too have kicked me in the nuts for all to see.

Ron Turner: What the hell are you doing on offense? Oh wait, you don't know either? Sweet. This is supposed to be a running team that works the pass through their play action. I couldn't even tell you what the hell were doing other then just covering eyes and picking a random play hoping that works. The middle of the field has been wide open all year, and the Bears are still throwing to out and hook patterns. USE THE DAMN TIGHT ENDS, THAT WHY YOU DRAFTED OLSEN. Jerks.

Mushin Muhammad: Just how many damn passes you plan on dropping, Moose? You sure as shit are slow as a moose. If you want to be incorporated into the offense more, take a mental note. Run your fucking routes fully every play and hold onto the ball when and if it comes your way.

Cedric Benson: Your wish came true. You didn't like Thomas Jones, and you wanted to be the man. He's in New York rushing for 100 yards, and you're in Chicago barely breaking 40 last night. Curtis Enis jr. here needs to start earning his paycheck before he ends up like Rashaan Salaam.

Bob Babich: You're only one who I'm not entirely pissed at. The Defense held L.T. and L.J. to just under 70 yards rushing, and they have been blitzing alot more which I like. However, I don't like the fact that we never switch out of the Cover 2. Grow some balls here, Bob. Tell Lovie were getting smoked in coverage, and switch to man to man, if not only for a couple plays. Remember the Colts dinking and dunking their way to Super Bowl XLI glory? That's exactly what happened last night; Romo would wait for his receivers to find the open coverages, and he hit them. Something needs to change. The league knows how to beat the Bears' D, and if nothing is done, the Bears too will be nothing.

Alright, I'm spent. Brian Griese, your table is ready.

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