With all this talk about goofball promoters trying to stage a Tommy Lee and Kid Rock fight, it got me thinking the past three days. Who would I like to see in the octagon? I came up with several fight cards for different titles, but here's the five I chose to go with. By all means, give me your dream card match-up and give them a title to fight for as well!
FLASHIEST WIDE RECEIVER: T.O. VS. CHAD JOHNSON
Who wouldn't want to see T.O. gets his clock cleaned? Gotta say though, Owens is a beast, and I would have to give him the physical edge. HOWEVER, I see T.O. pulling a Chuck Liddell and not taking Ocho Cinco seriously. Ocho Cinco catches Owens off-guard, gets him into a ground and pound situation, and the fight is stopped by big John McCarthy
WINNER: Ocho Cinco
SMUGGIEST TV SPORTS ANNOUNCER: JOE BUCK VS. BRYANT GUMBEL
Wow...this is one hell of an undercard. The war of smugness will be so intense this one is scheduled for five rounds instead of three because everyone should get their money's worth in my UFC. The first round will be no contact; just chiding remarks at each other to get a basis for how they want to attack. However, that changes in the second round as Bryant gets pissed after Joe tells him Aikman helps him score while Gumbel is serving Bernard Goldberg his Metamucil. The two serve right hands and one liners back and forth until early in the fifth when finally Gumbel has wore down Buck's head...literally. Gumbel earns the win with a rear naked choke. He then gets asked his reaction by Joe Rogan, and proceeds gives a five minute outro about steriods in sports, and takes a final shot at Buck by saying that's my show tonight, the buck stopped here.
WINNER: Bryant Gumbel
BIGGEST SPORTS SLOB: DAVID WELLS VS. JOHN DALY
Before the fight takes place, both men will participate in a mandatory power hour to get their beer muslces flowing, which both welcome as a precusor to the showdown. Both men enter to George Thorogood songs; Wells to 'One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer' while Daly enters to 'I Drink Alone'. Daly is wearing a shirt into the ring that says www.johndalywines.com and Wells is pissed he hasn't thought of opening up his own liquor brand (mainly because he is braindead from booze). The fight starts off fierce, with both men showing off their street toughs. After round one, there is no clear winner, and it appears they won't be: both combatants have passed out from the booze and exhaustion, or as they both like to call it, Monday night.
WINNER: A DRAW
GREAT SPORTS STORY RUINED BY HGH/STERIODS: RICK ANKIEL VS. FLOYD LANDIS
In 06' Floyd Landis was a huge success story, and this year it was the reemergence of Rick Ankiel. Both have cheated their way to glory, and now they get to win something they actually have to earn. This fight was over before it began though. Ankiel has 60 pounds on Landis and 3 inches in height (according to perspective websites that I don't believe). Not to mention, Landis probably has been clean now that he still trying to take tests while Ankiel can keep doping up. Ankiel mauls him; Landis cries that he was set up and wants a second fight to no avail
THE MAIN EVENT: HOTTEST WOMAN ASSOCIATED WITH GOLF: NATALIE GULBIS VS. ELIN NORDEGREN
They enter the ring, and there is no fight, just your vote..the question is: WHO YOU GOT?
WINNER: Every male with a pulse