Thursday, September 27, 2007

Don't quit your day job

Here's to people who should not quit their day jobs just yet:

Randy Moss: The 'Freak' is having a great year so far with Tom Brady throwing perfect spirals and perfect smiles to him in weeks 1-3.

Reggie Bush: I know Bush is making a lot more money now than he did in college but at least he looked good playing for USC. Bush has racked up only 80 yards on 29 carries so far this season and now will be the main runner since Deuce McAllister is gone for the year. Time to step up now or deal with all the "overrated" comparisons that are sure to start coming.

Ron Turner: Now that Rex is benched the pressure to make the offense work is on your shoulders. I've had a bone to pick with Ron Turner since his days as the Head Coach at my alma mater, the University of Illinois. He left that program in shambles to go to the Bears and now he looks like he is in that same self destruction process again. Don't do it Turner - go against your instincts this time and quit being a dousche.

Alright onto the picks:

Houston @ Atlanta: The Texans are going to be without Ahman Green, Ron Dayne and Andre Johnson. Center Steve McKinney is also out for the year. This means that the Texans offense will be a strong dose of Samkon Gado, and Naperville native Owen Daniels - and that's not good. I'll take Warrick Dunn and Jerious Norwood to run all over in Atlanta's first win of the year. 13-7 Falcons

NY Jets @ Buffalo: With the 1st pick in the 2008 NFL Draft the Buffalo Bills select... 21-6 Jets

Baltimore @ Cleveland: Even without the services of cornerback Samari Rolle the Ravens should have no trouble stopping former teammate Jamal Lewis. The only other offensive player worth anything is Kellen Winslow - so focus on him and don't even worry about Braylon Edwards or Joe Jurevicius. 27-13 Ravens

St. Louis @ Dallas: Dallas might as well play the backups for the next two weeks and keep the starters healthy for New England in Week 6. 37-21 Cowboys

Chicago @ Detroit: Tommie Harris, Lance Briggs, Charles Tillman, Nate Vasher, Adam Archuleta, and Adewale Ogunleye all were inactive for practice today and are likely to miss Sunday's game against the touted Detroit offense. Holy fucking shit the Bears are screwed. 27-20 Lions

Oakland @ Miami: Daunte Culpepper will likely get the start against his former team and will look to prove some Dolphin brass wrong. The running game will be the key to this one - it's up to LaMont Jordan and Ronnie Brown. I'm putting my money in LaMont Jordan and Co. 20-13 Raiders

Green Bay @ Minnesota: The Packers are apparently the "feel good" story of the NFL this year. That is total bullshit because the only thing that Green Bay's success makes me feel is nautious. They'll beat the Vikings this week, and my roomate will continue to harass me. 24-20 Packers

Seattle @ San Francisco: Cast or no cast, Shaun Alexander is hard to stop. 27-14 Seahawks

Tampa Bay @ Carolina: Both teams are very unpredictable - it's very hard to know whether either one of them are going to show up for the game on Sunday. With QB Jake Delhomme out I'll take Tampa in a close one. 17-14 Buccaneers

Denver @ Indianapolis: Who will lose first - New England or Indianapolis? Both teams look like they'll be undefeated until they face each other in Week 9. 37-20 Colts

Pittsburgh @ Arizona: Things aren't good when Kurt Warner and Matt Leinart are tag teaming in any position. Let's all hope and prey Paris Hilton is nowhere near Arizona these days because that's a sights that makes me want to punch a baby. 28-17 Steelers

Kansas City @ San Diego: If Norv Turner wants to save his career and what's left of his reputation as a head coach, he better damn well win this game and about 10 others this year. If they lose this one that's the end of the line for Norv...and hopefully he takes his idiot brother Ron with him back to wherever they came from. 31-10 Chargers

Philadelphia @ NY Giants: Donovan McNabb looks like he's found a go-to guy in Kevin Curtis and Brian Westbrook makes me a very happy fantasy owner. They should toy with the Giants all night...30-14 Eagles

New England @ Cincinnati: People usually assume that the Bengals running game won't do much but now that starting RB Rudi Johnson is out with a strained hamstring, Carson Palmer is going to have to throw for about 450 yards and 4 TD's if the Bengals have any prayer. 37-17 Patriots

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