Thursday, October 4, 2007

Cheer Up, Cubs Fans

"Hey listen, you guys, it's only the first game". (quotes and picture courtesy of Chicago Tribune)Lou's got it right, Cubs fans. It's not the end of the world. But you'd think it was after hearing the morning sports talk radio. What did you expect? I've said this before, and I'll say it again. It's feast or famine with this team. Still feeling (Cubbie) Blue? (ba-dum-phish) Fret not, your friends at Chicago Bull has your day planned out for you to be feeling better in no time.

- Step 1: Flip off everyone you don't like on your way to work. Yes, the expressways are awful with all the construction on the Edens, Dan Ryan, and Reagan. So why not let out all your pent up rage from last night? That's right, fuck you yellow beamer!

- Step 2: Get all work done as quickly as possible. The more you keep busy, the more you dont think about the 1-5 hitters going 1 for 20 and the team as a whole going 1 for 10 with RISP. Pull an Office Space and jet out early before your own personal Lumbergh sees you and Yeah...Peter, what's happening?

- Step 3: Finish all errands as quickly as possible. Dump the kids off on the wife, go to Home Depot, whatever.

- Step 4: Get to your favorite drinking establishment early. Like throwing down beers around 4 pm? Of course you do, you're a Cubs fan! You can now properly finish your venting with Steve and Rick from the Local IBEW 134.

- Step 5: Order and chug Old Style in hopes that every draft you finish is another penny in the wishing well

- Step 6: Repeat at least 6 more times.

By this point, it will be close to gametime. Look at you! You're in positive spirits thanks to your favorite spirits, and you're full of optimism knowing Ted Lilly is 10-2 in his starts following a Cubs loss. So kick back and relax, and do us a favor since we helped you out. Stop playing that damn Go Cubs Go song.

1 comment:

Waterman said...

As a disgruntled Cubs fan (like there's any other kind)...I think that this method is the best kind to cure a Cubbies fans fever.

Although I have already coped with the fact that witnessing the Cubs lose is just one rung below death and taxes on the inevitability scale...they still give me a reason to drink...heavily.

I'm hoping that every Old Style I drink is not a "penny in the well," but instead a RUN ON THE FUCKING BOARD!