Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The Male Baseball Annies Team


I know what you're thinking, and this has nothing to do with Susan Sarandon or how many ladies these guys have claimed to go yard with. However, it does have something to do with Baseball Annies. These guys are the male versions of the popular Bull Durham term when it comes to playing for MLB teams. They've been here, there, and in some cases practically everywhere. The Qualifications: You must have played for at least 6 teams during your career (team skipper is only exception at 5). I've decided to go with one player for each position, and that includes one starting pitcher and one closer. So without further adieu, here's your all-baseball whore team:


JEFF CONINE, OF
I found this picture on all-posters.com, and I left the site wondering why anyone would want a Jeff Conine poster. Wait, is it because he's whored himself around to six different teams? HELL YEAH, IT IS! I can't wait for my poster to come in the mail.
TEAMS PLAYED FOR: Royals, Marlins, Orioles, Phillies, Reds, Mets



PETE INCAVIGLIA, OF
It wasn't easy to come by a Pete Incaviglia picture...maybe all-posters is waiting for him to sign off on waivers or something. What I did find on the first page of Google Images for Pete Incaviglia was a picure of Balky; talk about strange...perfectly strange. I also find it funny him and Mike Greenberg look so much alike.
TEAMS PLAYED FOR: Rangers, Tigers, Astros, Phillies, Orioles, Yankees


KENNY LOFTON, OF
Kenny is the ULTIMATE Baseball Annie of the past 40 years with 17 seasons played with 11 teams. Somebody get this guy a Valtrex commercial.
TEAMS PLAYED FOR: TOO MANY TO FUCKING LIST


SHAWON DUNSTON, SS
Most Cubs will think fondly of Dunston, a two-time all-star while spending 11 years on the North Side. However, Dunston went on to play for 5 more teams.
TEAMS PLAYED FOR: Cubs, Giants, Pirates, Indians, Cardinals, Mets


JEFF CIRILLO, 3B
Cirillo has spent 8 of his 14 seasons with the Brew Crew, but just barely makes our list having played for Minnesota and Arizona this season. Cirillo reminds me of Jeffery Lebowski...the other Jeffery Lebowski who went out and achieved anyway. Only Cirillo had the full use of his legs.
TEAMS PLAYED FOR: Brewers, Rockies, Mariners, Padres, Twins, D-Backs


ROBBIE ALOMAR, 2B
When Alomar wasn't spitting on John Hirschbeck, he was winning gold gloves. The guy had a span from 91-01' in which he won every gold glove except 97' when Chuck Knoblauch won (if you can believe that). This 12 time all-star will probably make the Hall, but until he does, he can tote the fact that he made the Male Baseball Annie team.
TEAMS PLAYED FOR: Padres, Blue Jays, Orioles, Mets, White Sox, D-Backs


FRED McGRIFF, 1B
Hi, I'm Fred McGriff, and I fully endorse this video; or at least enough to put this stupid fucking hat on my head for 30 seconds. One take, and I'm done. Oh, Crime Dog. It still excites me to see you on Tom Emanski's dynamics of the Major League Swing, the same video that produced back to back to back AAU National Champions. So that got me thinking; when do you ever hear about some these kids playing in the majors now? Where's a new testimonial with one of players in the Majors? I guess Tom would rather keep showing the Crime Dog, and when I think of it, I would too.
TEAMS PLAYED FOR: Blue Jays, Padres, Braves, Devil Rays, Cubs, Dodgers


PAUL BAKO, C
Paul Bako is to MLB Teams as Travis Henry is to illegitimate children., and could threaten Kenny Lofton if he can manage to play for 4-5 more years. Bako has whored himself out to nine teams in 10 seasons as a serviceable back-up. Only time will tell, but until then, keep on your MLB Paris Hilton grind, Paul.
TEAMS PLAYED FOR: Tigers, Astros, Marlins, Braves, Brewers, Cubs, Dodgers, Royals, Orioles


STEVE CARLTON, SP
Carlton ranks 4th on the career strikeouts category after having been past by Clemens and Johnson in the past few years. While he played 15 years with the Phillies from 72'-86', the southpaw HOF'er played for 4 different teams in the last two years of his career before being released in 88' by the Twins.
TEAMS PLAYED FOR: Cardinals, Phillies, Giants, White Sox, Indians, Twins


UGUETH URBINA, RHP
There are so many jokes running through my head I don't know where to start. And if Ugy was here, he'd probably use that machete from Venezuela to quickly end those thoughts. ZING! Before he was locked up, he was locking down hitters for 6 different teams, making two all-star appearences, and leading the N.L. in saves in 99'. I'm not sure if being a Baseball team whore was apart of his charges, but he's currently serving a 14-year sentence. Who knows how many more teams he could have cut apart...
TEAMS PLAYED FOR: Expos, Red Sox, Rangers, Marlins, Tigers, Phillies


BUCKY HARRIS, SKIPPER
Every team needs a leader in the clubhouse, and who better a man to follow then the man who invented Skipper whoring; the 6th winningest manager of all-time, Bucky Harris. Harris won 2 world series, in 24' as a player/manager for the Senators, and again as a manager in 47' with the Yanks. What's more impressive then him coaching for 5 clubs is how his teams finished. Out of 29 years, only 3 times did they win the division, and only finished higher then fourth four times. Talk about shitty.
TEAMS COACHED/PLAYED FOR: Senators, Tigers, Red Sox, Blue Jays (Philly), Yankees

There you have it, the all-baseball whore team. If you feel there are any omissions worth noting, please feel free to throw'em in there. Susan Sarandon, your gentlemen await.

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